Dealing with Haters by ACHUCKAllen
Every human on the planet has a few haters. The more that you attempt, the greater the number of haters. That equation always ends with the same result – The only way to have no haters is to never attempt to do anything – especially lead something!
I speak every week in front of a lot of folks. I write these ridiculous blogs, I offer up encouragement through a weekday podcast. And, I help a fair amount of folks by coaching them through life, leadership, and love. As a result, I have folks that genuinely hate my guts. I have folks that hate that I’m fat, hate that I’m too loud, too opinionated, too aloof, not religious enough and too busy. You name it, and I’ve got haters because of it. But that’s not all bad.
We are often summed up by who loves us, but I think we are equally summed up by who hates us. Here are 4 sure-fire ways to deal with your haters:
- Never assume that the hater’s voice speaks for everyone or even the majority. Haters love to instigate gossip and chatter, but the truth is, most haters are discontented souls that are living in a half-empty glass. The minute that you attempt to do anything that truly matters, haters are right around the corner. But hear me! When you start asking your haters who the people are that they freely reference as “and a lot of people agree with me,” immediately ask for their names. I promise you, they aren’t speaking for a body of people. They are speaking from a position of discontentment, selfishness and terminal certainty.
- Ask your haters to be very, very specific about their complaint. I have found that a lot of haters cannot give you specifics from which you could improve because they are only looking to harm you. If they have specifics, you can determine if they are offering help, or tossing a grenade your way. If there is any truth, learn from it.
- Always ask your haters if they’ve shared these thoughts with anyone else. I’ve discovered that many haters have enjoyed a season of gossip before they approach you. Gossip is the fuel to a discontented soul. It must be fed with an angry mob with pitchforks and torches blazing. Gently remind these folks that the Scriptures are clear on this one. Read Matthew 18.
- Stop and evaluate your responses. Did you respond with defensiveness? Were you argumentative? Did you reply in selfish anger? Did you waste your breath trying to convince them that you are right? Every interaction with folks that are critical or affirming is an opportunity to learn how to handle the next hater.
Listen, folks, I would rather have haters while trying to accomplish something that helps change the world than to attempt to bow down and please everybody while doing nothing but putting our relational skirmishes and leaving this place no better than when I found it. I’m not looking for a fight and I’m not fighting with a hater. If it requires a fight, let it count for something!
I am reminded that we, as Followers of Christ are called to at all costs, attempt to be at peace.
Have the Greatest Day!