Achuckallen

Instigating Better

Friendship

Random Writings from 35,000 Feet

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RANDOM THOUGHTS from 35,000 feet.

When you have an eight and a half hour flight, a lot of things run through your brain. Not useful things, just random things. Knowing you couldn’t wait to read my worthless thoughts while crossing the Atlantic, I thought I’d share them on today’s BLOG. You are totally welcome!

Things like, who actually designed these seats in cattle class? I’d like to punch them right now. Like I said, random thoughts.

Here’s a thought – Did the airlines intentionally hire grumpy gate agents or do we passengers just drive them bat crazy?

And while I’m in that vein, what exactly do they type so brutally on those keyboards. It’s like they hate the letters and just want to smash them.

Why is it that we all rush to get on the plane, only to wait for the guy with a massive carry-on that won’t fit overhead?

I’m not sure why, but when the person in front of me reclines on a full flight, that just sends me over the cliff. Is there no respect for airplane etiquette?

If the movies on the plane can be awesome without all the “F-bombs” and nudity, why can’t we see the airplane version in the theaters?

If you have ever flown before, why start on this flight?

Why is it that we can put a man on the moon, talk without wires from sea to shining sea, but cannot come up with a way to keep people on a flight from farting?

Will my luggage make it to my final destination this time?

The little girl sitting near me is so much better at Sudoko than I am.

Never eat seafood before you fly. Just sayin’.

When did the Lord decide that the world should be so diverse. I like it that way, but wow. This world is a lot bigger than Gwinnett County, Georgia.

I love to travel, especially once I get there.

The Lord did some cool diversity work when He decided to place me and Jenny together as a team. We are so different and yet so much alike. I am terribly impatient and she is patient beyond belief, until someone crosses me or one of our girls or their families. At that point she can come completely unglued. She’s kinda cute when she gets that way. There is no telling what she might do to protect or defend us. It’s such a contrast. We both will scrap with anybody, I just want to scrap much faster.

I think we are all like that, really. We are complex and unique creations. We all have the complexities that come with things like, patient yet feisty. Gracious yet ferocious, peace-filled but capable of so much angst. I’m so grateful this world is filled with folks that are so different than I am. And I am so glad that Jenny is my girl. The Lord knew that I desperately needed her. I love you, Jenn!

One last thought before I try to sleep whilst the dude in front of me is using me for a pillow. I feel like I could go all Dusty Rhodes, the American Dream bionic elbow on him right now. But then, I’m a pastor. Bad idea.

Just in case you are wondering…and I’m certain that you are, I’m listening to one of my favorite Spotify playlists, “60’s Rock Anthems.” Specifically, Bob Dillon’s “Like a Rolling Stone.”

Oh, Oh, Oh! One parting thought. I remember my Pop thinking that Creedence Clearwater Revival was a gospel group. That popped into my head as I transitioned from Bob Dillon to CCR’s “Proud Mary.”

See you here tomorrow for my 4forFRIDAY. Recommended reads, listens, learnings and reviews.

Go In Peace, AChuck

PS: Spain’s version of TSA is much nicer THAN THE FINE FOLKS IN Atlanta’s Hartsfield, Maynard Jackson, International Airport.

Three Traits of a Healthy Friend

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Whether you are an introvert, an extrovert, a people person or a social outcast, one thing I know to be true…We are built to do this life together. God Himself placed this into His creation. He said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us.” Emphasis on US!

In my line of work, you better have friends. When I was a builder/developer, I needed friends. Actually, I’ve never found myself doing anything that mattered without needing friends to challenge me, encourage me and hold me accountable.

I am an awful friend. I know that’s an awful confession about a pastor. But it’s true. I don’t reach out to many other guys, but I should. I don’t naturally gravitate toward encouragement, but I should. I don’t stop and check on how I could help someone or pray for them nearly enough, but I should.

Over the course of the past 5-6 years I’ve come to a state of mind and attitude that I want to become a really good friend and I want and need really good friends. So here are three attributes of what I want to be to a friend and what I think I’d like to have in the quality of my friends.

    1. Real Time Authenticity. I don’t need a rehearsed or scripted conversation that always ends in what I can do for them. I’ve learned the hard way that if your friends disappear the moment you cannot offer them something, you never really had their friendship. You were an acquaintance that offered a needed service hidden behind the mask of friendship. I also want to know that my friends and I with them, are the same person in any environment. A good friend of mine is a big deal. I mean, he’s a really big deal, but when he sees me walk into a room, he treats me like I’m a big deal. I want to be an authentic friend that treats my friends like a big deal.
    2. Limitless Honesty. I want my friends to tell me truth, especially when it is challenging. And I want to be able to tell my friends those things (in honesty) that might be a challenge. No matter what it is about, the truth is always the right conversation with a true friend. And not just when it’s convenient. I’ve been the emperor with no britches and that’s not cool!
    3. Compassionate Accountability. The last thing I need in a friend is someone that will let me coast or slip. I need friends that will graciously hold me accountable in my walk with God, my marriage, family, career and attitudes. My wife Jenny is my number one fan, but she is also my number one accountability partner. She will bust me on a bad attitude or selfish motive in a heart beat. For that and so much more, I love her so much! But really, I’m not looking for drill sergeants and I have no desire to become a drill Sargent. Compassion and kindness are required to lovingly hold a friend accountable.

There are plenty of other qualities in friendship, but these three seemed to rush to the front of the line. I am fully confident that this world would be a far better place to lead, love and lead should we choose to live in friendship with Real Time Authenticity, Limitless Honesty and Compassionate Accountability!

As Fred Rogers well said, “won’t you be my neighbor?”

Go in Peace,
AChuck

The Most Powerful Words in the English Language

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I recently had a string of poor verbal choices, caused a few relationships to go south and then got defensive while being called on it. It was an altogether challenging month. I wish that I could say that somebody else was at fault or that someone else was really at the heart of it all, but if I did that, I would definitely be lying.

I am a type “A” personality, a high “D” temperament and a scrapper. I like to be in charge. I enjoy a good argument every now and then and I am often terminally certain that I must be right. Wow! As I read back over what I just typed, why in the world would the Divine allow me the privilege of serving Him and others as a pastor?

In short, I created some heartache and angst among some of my favorite people and then complicated it by not handling their direct correction well at all. In doing so, I made good relationships challenging and a messy subject messier.

After some significant woodshed moments with the Lord, I have offered sincere and honest apologies and have simply said the most powerful words in the English language. I’M SO SORRY!

Not, I’m sorry that I got busted on it but plain ole I’m sorry. You know, saying those words and saying them with regret and repentance are two very different things. I meant them. I said them and each person has been gracious and loving with me.

So why wouldn’t I handle this correctly? I mean, really? It’s not like interpersonal challenges are new to me. But stopping to recognize that I was the problem is new to me. Stopping long enough to realize that I was the genesis of the problem? Now that is new to me. I then threw gas on the fire by not responding well and poof! What could have been a small and simplistic fix created broken hearts, sideways energy and less productive hours for me, the offended, the church, the Kingdom and my family.

So, in hopes that this short reminder to you might save you the same sideways and damaging journey, here are three things to save you from you:

  • Sometimes you are wrong. I know for many of you this is a no-brainer, but for those of you that suffer from the same terminal certainty that I do, it’s a good reminder that we can actually be wrong.
  • When you are wrong, work hard to make things right rather than working away at proving you are right.
  • Get to “I’m Sorry” as soon as you can and recognize that God uses humble, empty vessels, not pride-filled vessels to accomplish His greatest works.

Thanks for joining me today. I really hope you can join me on the Weekday Meditation, a brief podcast that includes an intentional time of guided prayer and meditation seeking peace, power and direction in your everyday life! You can find the podcast on your favorite podcast platform or at WeekdayMeditation.com

Go in Peace,
AChuck

Kindness Starts with One

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kindness

Kindness Starts with One by ACHUCKAllen

Have you ever thought that no good deed goes unpunished? Me too. I’ve heard that phrase for years. Every time someone does some act of kindness and the return on that kindness is less than anticipated, the phrase comes running out of their mouth…” no good deed goes unpunished.”

Here’s the problem in that thinking. We most often act in kindness because we are moved emotional, spiritually or even physically. If we were to stop and ponder if the act of kindness would return a yield of 10 times kindness earnings, we would be a pretty cold and calloused people, right?

The problem with acting or reacting with kindness is a pretty strong indicator of your heart. Jesus had a few awesome stories when it comes to participating in an act of kindness, whether it is random or not.

Take the Parable of the Good Samaritan. There were no attaboys or social media outlets to capture the kindness offered to the most unlikely person. Nobody there to capture a quick pose helping a helpless man left for dead.

What if we were a people that were prone to offering kindness, like that Good Samaritan, simply because it was the right and righteous thing to do? What if we were to be a people that were determined to do the merciful thing even if the only attaboy we were to receive was the Spirit of God patting us on the back?

If you’ve known me more than 10 years, you might be asking who was my guest blogger today? The truth is that I squandered hundreds, maybe thousands of opportunity to act more like Jesus and act in simple kindness.

I cannot rectify those squandered opportunities, but I can set my course on being fully present and fully aware that I can impact my world significantly with a few random and intended acts of simple kindness. How about you?

–AChuck

If You Want a Great Day

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HAVE A GREAT DAY!

IF YOU WANT A GREAT DAY by ACHUCKAllen

We’ve all had “those days.” You know what I’m talking about. The days that you feel like everything just explodes on you with the foul stench of negativity. The kind of day when you aren’t sure why, but you just can’t get over the roar that you hear in your head that is screaming for you to lose it with whoever is the next person in front of you. I’ve had plenty of those days as well, but I’ve also learned a few things that minimize the number of the gross days significantly.

Here are three ways to minimize the number of days that kick you in the hind parts and maximize the number of days that you kick the world’s hind parts. Come on, let’s do this!

  1. I know you are tired of reading these words, but I will promise you that if you will start your day off by writing down 2-3 things that you are grateful for, it will change your life. If you are a regular reader, you know that I started a gratitude journal a few years ago. I KNOW that it has had a radical impact on my life, in every good way!
  2. That’s not an overstatement, that’s a scientifically proven fact. Every study, including Harvard Medical School, says that gratitude has a huge impact on our lives.Here is a quote from the Harvard Med Study: “Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power. In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”
  3. Limit the number of tasks on your to-do list, but get the biggest, most challenging task out of the way first! If you are like 99% of Americans, you like the feel of checking your to-do’s off, so you tackle the easiest tasks on your list out of the gate. If you limit the number of tasks to ensure that you stay focused on what matters most, you will rest better, sleep better and remain energized by your accomplishments and success. Mark Twain once said; “Eat a live frog every morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” One of our most powerful emotions is the sense of accomplishment. There is nothing quite like slaying your badest, nastiest dragon first thing!
  4. Learn to take 10 minutes and meditate! I know what you are thinking, “Chuck, dude, you are killing me. If I have to swallow the big frog first, I don’t have time to meditate. Abraham Lincoln said; “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the ax.”Given his task, it seemed to have served him pretty well. Meditation is sharpening your ax to slay the dragon, or eat the frog! In my world, meditation includes four elements, over 20 minutes. You can start with 10 minutes and add to that as your habit forms.
  5. Here is my meditation plan:
    1) Write down three things that I am grateful for. Over the past three years, I have never run out of things to be grateful for.
    2)     Read a short piece of a Bible reading plan (I enjoy He Reads Truth or the plans in YouVerse).
    3) I pray out loud. I know that may not be your thing, but I am distracted easily and I’ve found that praying out loud and with my eyes open helps me “feel like me and the Divine are in a friendly chat.”
    4) Quietude. This was the step in my meditation maturation that took longer to learn. I had to learn the discipline of quietude. It doesn’t take long, but about 3 minutes of quietude can settle your soul to the degree that you can actually “hear” the promptings of the Divine. Just a thought, but I think this is why we have two listening ears and one talking mouth.    The key to having far more days that are great, rather than gross is to learn this discipline of meditation. Maybe your faith system never saw meditation as part of wholeness and health, but you can trust this ancient and biblical meditation habit to set your soul on a course for peace, fulfillment and even happiness.

Sharpen your ax, my friend and see how consistency in the art of meditation changes every aspect of your life for the better!

–AChuck

Food for Your Soul on this Sunday

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couragequotes

I read something a few weeks ago that caught my attention. The title of the article was “Pastor, Are You Too Transparent?” I clicked on it and read the article. The gist of the author’s writing seemed a bit jaded, but it was presented well.

The punchline of the article is what left me perplexed. I’m paraphrasing, but it read much like this; “Pastor, you cannot stay so vulnerable. You cannot remain so transparent. If you do, you will open yourself up to all manner of criticism and create division in the church.”

When I read that one statement, I closed the tab on my browser and thought I might offer a few thoughts. All of these thoughts are best captured in FIVE WORDS – What a bunch of poop!

I know firsthand that this world couldn’t care less about our education, ability to read Greek, look great in skinny jeans (I just crossed a line there) or have an intellect that would marvel Einstein.

I know that when you expose a weakness, folks usually already know it’s there. When you open the windows and doors to your heart, folks can relate to you and your own challenges. I know that to share your hurts and worts, folks can engage you at a level far deeper than what you are wearing.

That’s not just true for pastors. That kind of vulnerability allows folks to actually know you and BELIEVE YOU in every facet of your life! I want to believe the best in people. Their ability to be personal, present and vulnerable allows that to happen naturally.

If you are leading a church, business, small group, family or any organization, the single greatest leadership truth you offer is found in this equation: Add an ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE to a SERVANT LEADER, toss in a bit of HUMILITY, sprinkle a heavy dose of VULNERABILITY. Then, finish it off with GETTING BACK UP after FAILING, and I’ll show you a leader

You know, not everything on the internet is true, right?

Go ahead, get naked with your emotions and take your lumps. It’s worth it. You might even find your greatest fan or friend in the process.

–AChuck

 

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