Achuckallen

Instigating Better

Saturday Share

Saturday Share with ACHUCKAllen

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Most Saturday’s I enjoy sharing another author’s article or BLOG. Today’s guest is Dr. Scott Rodin. I think this might challenge many of our frustrations with the world we live in. Thanks for joining me!

Who Can’t God Redeem?

By Scott Rodin

Last night we saw the new movie, “I Can Only Imagine.” Of all of the themes woven throughout the script, the one that stayed with me was the story of redemption of Bart’s father, from, as Bart put it, ‘a monster to my best friend’. Dennis Quaid is remarkable as the angry, abusive father who makes young Bart’s life a living hell. When he ‘finds God’, it’s Bart who can’t grasp it. The story of final forgiveness, acceptance and grace that led to the most popular Christian song in history is well worth the price of admission.At the same time our pastor is preaching in Acts, and we have considered the stunning conversion of Saul. Again, we see seemingly unthinkable redemption in the life of someone filled with hatred and responding with violence. And again we have a cast of characters who struggle to accept the conversion.Thankfully one man, Ananias, was obedient. He went beyond his fear and resentment and through him God brought forgiveness and faith to the man who would go on to write a good portion of the New Testament.In both stories there is doubt. In the movie, Bart admits he did not believe God could redeem his father. Ananias argues with God, “I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your holy people in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name.” (Acts 9: 13-14).All this makes me wonder if I really believe God can redeem the people around us who seem so hostile to our faith. Can God redeem the leaders of the Freedom from Religion Foundation that seek systematically to remove all mention of God from the public square? Can God redeem Richard Dawkins, author of The God Delusion and famous God denier and ridiculer of those of us who believe? Can God redeem the sex trafficker that profits from the sexual exploitation of young boys and girls? Can He redeem the pornographer who produces the soul-destroying sludge that ruins so many who are addicted? Can He redeem the serial killer, the satanic worshipper, the Christ-haters that populate our entertainment media and the despotic world leaders who starve their people and murder their enemies to remain in power?Well, He redeemed you and me, didn’t He? And that’s really the issue. If Christ’s grace and mercy can be true for you and me, it can reach anyone and everyone. The movie is more about Bart’s redemption than his father’s. The story in Acts is a testament to God’s redemption for the Jew and the Gentile, for the whole world, for all the Sauls out there in need of an encounter with the risen Jesus.So here is my question. Are we praying expecting this miracle of redemption for the people around us? Do we believe, do we really believe that God is both able and willing to redeem every person in our world? What would happen if God’s people prayed in full faith that God would work such redemption in our day? I can only imagine.Peace,AChuck

Saturday Share with AChuck

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Most Saturday’s, I enjoy sharing another author’s work. This week’s author is Rick Warren. Enjoy!

“The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him” (2 Chronicles 16:9 NLT).

The Bible tells us three things about the importance of faith.

1. God is looking for faithful people.God is physically, visibly, actively taking the initiative to look for faithful people that he can bless. Second Chronicles 16:9 says, “The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him” (NLT).This has been one of my life verses, and I’ve learned that if you make yourself usable, God will wear you out. If you get “blessable,” he will bless your socks off! (That’s why I don’t wear socks.) God is looking for faithful people that he can use.

2. Faithful people are hard to find.The Bible says in Proverbs 20:6, “Everyone talks about how faithful he is, but just try to find someone who really is!” (GNT). A lot of people talk the talk, but they don’t really trust God. They trust their credit card instead. They say they believe in God, but they don’t really trust him when it comes to their finances, health, or job.Psalm 53:2-3 says this: “God looks down from heaven on the entire human race; he looks to see if anyone is truly wise, if anyone seeks God. But no, all have turned away; all have become corrupt. No one does good, not a single one!” (NLT).

3. Faithfulness is the key to blessing and victory.First John 5:4-5 says, “For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God” (NLT).The Bible says in Proverbs 28:20, “A faithful man will have many blessings” (HCSB). I want your life to have many blessings. But to have those blessings, you have to learn faithfulness. God tests your faithfulness in different ways. Will you let him grow you in this area so that you can be a person of faith?

Pretty Great, Right? –AChuck

Saturday Share with AChuck

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Most Saturday’s, I enjoy sharing another author’s work. This week, I’m sharing a great article: This 1 Simple Exercise Will Change How You Handle Toxic People – How to avoid the 1 mistake everyone makes in dealing with difficult people. By Adele Cehrs

Here’s This Week’s SATURDAY SHARE:  

A big idea. A thirst for freedom. The desire to help others. The drive to reach your own potential. The search for a more interesting life. Entrepreneurs have so many inspiring reasons for taking the leap. But there’s another, less glorious reason many of us strike out on our own: getting away from toxic people.

Here’s a common scenario. You leave a job because the head honcho, or honchette, is poisonous. Your new job is wonderful. Great boss, fun work, terrific team, opportunities for advancement etc. And then suddenly, there’s a new boss. Next thing you know, all the slackers are in his office, kissing his ring, taking credit for other people’s ideas, and getting promoted. At this point, you can suck it up, hit the job boards, or take a brave leap into self-employment.

Unfortunately, toxic people, like flu viruses, are everywhere. As an entrepreneur, you may have to contend with shifty suppliers, deadbeat clients, passive aggressive partners, bad-faith negotiators, know-it-alls, know-nothings, slackers, whiners, liars, drama queens … the list goes on and on.

In my career, I’ve also had my fair share of toxic bosses. From liars to criers — needless to say — dealing with difficult people at any level has its challenges.  As a crisis communications expert, understanding how and when to respond to toxic vitriol is critical to succeeding in business.

Focus on the relationship, not the person.

I recently sat down with the founder of the Brilliance Movement, Simon T. Bailey, life coach, keynote speaker, and author of a number of motivational books, including “Release Your Brilliance.”  Bailey had some fascinating insights about dealing with difficult people.

Where we might see a toxic person, Bailey suggests we focus instead on our relationship to that person. “There are relationships that are assets, there are relationships that are liabilities, and every day we are in a relationship with something,” Bailey points out. “The news we hear and repeat and what we decide to do with that. The meetings we decide to take. The phone calls we decide to have. The choices we decide to make.”

Entrepreneurs are individualists by nature. It makes you bold and self-sufficient, but on a bad day, it’s easy to feel like it’s you against the world. Looking at your world as a web of relationships makes for a more measured and strategic perspective. It depersonalizes conflict and helps defuse anger and resentment. As Bailey points out, “Moving forward requires you to think. If you won’t do the work, if you won’t evaluate and decide, you stay where you are.”

Exercise your tolerance.

Bailey suggests a simple exercise to help you put up with difficult people. Write down the name of someone who really gets under your skin. Then, give yourself sixty seconds to list as many of that person’s negative and positive attributes as you can. “It’s going to be like pulling teeth but it’s also like digging for gold, ” Bailey asserts.  “The mere fact that you wrote all this down doesn’t change that person. It changes you. It changes how you see them, how you invest your time in them.”

The very qualities that make a good entrepreneur, like self-confidence, self-reliance, or self-motivation, can also make us a tad self-absorbed. “I think sometimes, as entrepreneurs, we see people as we are instead of as they are,” Bailey notes. “We have to step back and say, what is right about this person? What makes them amazing?”

Celebrate the small stuff.

Instead of judging people through our own exacting standards, Bailey would have us celebrate what they do right. What gets recognized gets repeated. Entrepreneurs have their own way of doing things, but your way is not the only way. It may not even be the best way. We also tend to have impossibly high standards, but the fact that someone doesn’t quite meet your standards doesn’t make them a bad person.

You can’t always change challenging people, but by changing how you relate to them, you may be able to change the relationship.

As a first step, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Are you stingy with positive feedback?

2. How do you communicate to them what they’re doing right?

3. Can you change your tone and edit your word choice to alter their behavior or coax a better performance out of them?

4. Do you know their learning style?

Perhaps you can communicate with them in a way will make them more likely to “get it.” For example, some people would rather get their marching orders in person, while others prefer a written memo they can mull over and react to.

Ultimately, some relationships will continue to be what Bailey refers to as liabilities. Those are the ones you can safely jettison. Save the hard work of understanding and getting along for those relationships that can benefit you – and your business.

Peace, AChuck

Saturday Share with ACHUCKAllen

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Most Saturdays I like to share another author’s work with you. If you’ve been on my BLOG for more than a few weeks, you know that I am a huge Stephen Guise fan. This week’s Saturday Share is one of Guise’s best, Take a read and see what part of this article challenges and sharpens you!

Why Boredom Is Terrible by Stephen Guise

Boredom is a gateway to addictive behavior, from compulsive cellphone use to TV binging, to possibly even substance abuse. And when you are or have been addicted in some way to one or more of these things, boredom is almost always a trigger. It’s best to fill your life with positive things because during a boring lull (this is not the same as relaxation), less desirable behaviors will often creep in.

Boredom is depressing. Boredom is depression. If you’re depressed, you’re probably bored. If you’re not depressed, and you get bored, it can be depressing (i.e., boredom can be a symptom of depression or it can trigger it). Boredom is a general lack of interest in your current environment; it’s the lack of everything that makes life worth living! For such an innocent-sounding phrase, “I’m bored” is actually quite dark when you think about its meaning.

Boredom is giving up. If you declare boredom, it means you’ve given up on finding something to engage with. You’ve scanned the environment, considered your options, and surrendered to a state of disinterest. It’s not a good look for a strong, resilient, and interesting person like yourself.

What Causes Boredom?

Boredom seems like something we could conceivably control or decide to avoid, so why does it happen anyway? Like most things, it’s typical lack of preparation. If you don’t swim, you’ll go where the current takes you, and sometimes life’s default current is boring! I’ve found that if you want a great life, you’ve got to actively chase it.

Being active is clearly a step in the right direction, but boredom usually elicits the opposite response! When people think of “treating” a case of boredom, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

  • I’ll watch a show (passive)
  • I’ll check Facebook (passive)
  • I’ll eat chips (passive)

The first instinct for most people when bored is to passively entertain themselves in some way. This is a poor treatment choice, but the societal and habitual connection of passively consuming when bored is so strong that we rarely think of other options. You’re bored? Then entertain yourself! Duh!

Passive consumption is fun and does temporarily work, but it doesn’t treat the underlying cause of boredom.

Boredom Defense: Ditch The Obvious “Solutions”

Boredom can be prevented and treated by having a boredom defense list. This list should not contain traditional, cheap boredom fixes. We don’t only want to combat boredom right now, we also want to build our general resistance to it. The boredom defense list contains things that progress our lives—they will continue to give satisfaction and benefits even after they’re completed.

Let’s explore the difference between the two types of boredom solutions with an example.

Watching TV Benefits (quick burn)

  • Now: Very engaging, entertaining, and funny/intense/interesting/thrilling (depends on genre)
  • Later: Reference the show with your friends, possible conversation piece with others

Exercising Benefits (slow burn)

  • Now: Endorphins are released for better mood and stress relief, sense of satisfaction
  • Later: Sense of satisfaction, you look sexy in the mirror, healthier mind and body, increased strength and endurance, and you’re a real asset when your friend moves

Both activities have benefits now and later, but exercise is different in that the later benefits are far more significant than its immediate benefits. Watching TV has pretty excellent “now” benefits, which is why it’s extremely popular, but it has almost no benefits after the show is over.

For something to offer benefits after it is completed, it must somehow progress the person’s life.

Here’s how that translates to a human life: Let’s say one person exercises when they’re bored while another watches TV when they’re bored. After a while, the exerciser has used that time to permanently improve his life. He can (better) do fun-but-physical things like rock climbing and sports. He can look at his body in the mirror and smile, thinking about how much better he looks now. He can boast about his “perfect score” on his latest blood test (this would make him lame, but he’s free to try it). He can feel good about the body of work he’s put in at the gym. The TV watcher, however, only has ideas and memories from the shows he’s seen. The exerciser became a better version of himself while the TV watcher stayed the same.

The Boredom Cure Is Hidden Within Candy Crush!

Most video games are completely based on progression—levels, experience points, etc.—to keep the player interested. An emphasis on progression isn’t unique to games.

Character development is one of the fundamental aspects of storytelling. The audience will be disappointed if the characters end the movie in the same way they started it. It prompts the thought, “So what was the point of all that?” One of my favorite types of movie or show is the “coming of age” story because progression is the focal point (two of my favorites are Big Fish and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World).

Why do you think we find these games, movies, and shows so engaging? They mimic the real thing!

In the narrative of a human life, progression is absolutely imperative for engagement, and engagement for happiness.

It’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking that these simulations are in fact the thing we desire. That’s just the brain’s reward system at work. The brain knows a reward when it comes, but it can’t always decipher the quality and long-term desirability of the reward. Substances like food, drugs, and booze are an even more direct reward to the brain.

Bored? Brain Reward!

We have three levels of rewards that the brain

  1. Substances/chemicals: extremely easy to get, immediately powerful reward (but the reward is gone the instant the substance wears off, requiring another fix later if boredom resurfaces)
  2. Passive entertainment: easy to get, moderately strong reward (but the reward is significantly diminished after the show ends, requiring another fix later)
  3. Real life action: harder to get, weakly satisfying reward (but the reward increases exponentially over time, continues to build with each iteration, and stays with you afterward)

The real cure for boredom is to offer the brain plenty of high quality, real-life rewards. One of the best and most accessible real-life rewards is the same thing we like about the cheap fixes—progression. Real life progression is slower than Candy Crush, but it doesn’t become irrelevant when you put your phone down.

What’s the point of life if you stay exactly the same the whole way through and your actions don’t have any sort of impact on yourself or others? Without a sense of progression, we will take the same “what’s the point?” attitude towards ourselves and our experiences. Those who stagnate will frequently feel bored with life.

Reach the Top? Climb Another Mountain

Reaching your wildest dreams in one area temporarily stalls your sense of progression.

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

~ Jim Carrey

When people “reach the top,” they may expect to find sustained happiness there. But the reason they don’t, and the reason that money can’t buy happiness, is that real progress can only be earned. Progression is limitless in many areas, such as wealth, but importantly, the satisfaction gained from progressing from $86 billion to $87 billion isn’t going to mean nearly as much as the ascent from $10,000 to $100,000. If you’ve achieved a high level of success in one area, you might need to look elsewhere to find that same sense of progression.

The Boredom Defense List

I think everyone should have a boredom defense list. This is basically a list of opportunities for progression. Whenever you’re bored, you can consult your list and pick an area to “level up.” It’s not that you should only do these things, but you’d do well to at least consider these before you resort to cheaper boredom fixes like watching TV or using Facebook. A TV episode can get you through a random bout of boredom and there’s no need to feel guilty if you choose it sometimes, but these will make you less bored in general over time.

To help you generate ideas for your own anti-boredom list, here’s mine.

  • Travel: sightseeing, walking, adventures, hiking, culinary exploration
  • Read: nonfiction to expand the mind and generate ideas, fiction to see how it’s done (I want to write fiction someday) and to keep the imagination active
  • Exercise: for a healthy and attractive body, for mental health, and for discipline
  • Socialize: find cool people and hang out with them! Go to events. Don’t isolate unless recharge is truly needed. Do these other activities with others!
  • Work: creatively express meaningful things through writing and other mediums. Don’t let it become stale. Look for the unique, creative ideas that set me apart and make me happy. Be funny!
  • Observe quality film and TV: this is not a waste of time (unless I overdo it). Watch mindfully at times. Observe the camera work, angles, music, sfx, dialogue realism, humor structure, and timing.
  • Learn or practice a skill: piano, writing, humor, basketball, other sports
  • Meditate: learn to relax the mind, the cells, and the body. Understand what it means to focus!
  • Play games: board games are underrated!
  • Brainstorm ideas: ideas can turn into life-changing action. Dream! Think! Be alive! Solve problems! Awaken to the vast possibilities around you! Huzzah!
  • Appreciate the environment: every setting has fascinating details. Use your senses.
  • Give: find a way to help someone around you, or go out of your way to make someone’s day.

How could I ever be bored with so many interesting things to do? Create your own list and give it a try! I recommend storing it on a note-taking app on your phone (I use Google Keep) so it’s always with you. If you want to get advanced, sort the activities by context (alone, with others, at home, etc).

Down with boredom! Let’s live interesting, interested lives!

Cheers, Stephen Guise

See you tomorrow at SUGARHILLChurch

–AChuck

Saturday Share with ACHUCKAllen

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Each Saturday I enjoy sharing another author’s article or BLOG. Each week, my chosen writing has blessed or challenged me in some way. So, Enjoy!

Today, I am thrilled to share one of my favorite BLOGs, simplemarriage.net. In this piece, Dr. Corey Allan, PH.D.,  unpacks some great thoughts on marriage and contentment. I really think you’ll be challenged if you take the following information and put them into practice in your day-to-day routines.

The Art of Contentment

growingA majority of struggle in married life is in our head.

We wonder why we can’t find time to connect with loved ones because we’re caught up in our to do lists, or struggling with an inadequacy, or striving to create a life like we see other’s living in their Facebook feed.

This struggle is normal … as it is part of the process of becoming. It’s the path to creating a more solid, flexible self. Someone who knows who they are and is comfortable in their own skin.

A great step forward in this process is to learn the art of contentment.

Contentment is not easy – it’s something that must be developed and learned over time. It’s actually more like a lifelong process of developing.

The best formula for creating contentment –

  • Don’t compete
  • Don’t complain
  • Don’t compare

Let’s break this down even further.

Compete. What does competing do to a woman and how she views herself (and how her husband views her)? There are many things competing for your attention each day. For your time. For your energy.

But what (and who) do you compete against? Do you find yourself competing for affection from your husband? Or competing for acceptance from those around you?

By becoming aware of the areas you compete you’ll better see your areas for growth because you often compete out of some feeling of inadequacy or shortcoming. While there may be some truth to the feeling (you may, in fact, be a little overweight or growing older), it’s blown way out of proportion when you compete against something/someone else.

Address the things you control. Let go of everything else.

You can’t change the fact that years, and children, take a toll on your physical body. But you’re also a more mature, full grown woman when you’re in your 40s and beyond that you were in your 20s. You have much more to offer and give due to your growth and experience. And I’m going to make a bet that your husband doesn’t want a pseudo or fake version of you – he wants you.

After all, he’s likely been with you through life’s experiences thus far, keep enjoying the journey together.

Complain. Nagging, bugging, complaining, are all a downward spiral. Once it begins, it snowballs. To change this, what’s your perspective on things – are you a half full or half empty type of man?

Work to become a half-full type of man.

Several years ago a research project was done by a university. The purpose of the study was to develop operational definitions for pessimists and optimists for use in textbooks, academic papers, and classroom learning.

The researchers scoured the globe searching for the most pessimistic and optimistic people they could find. Their objective was to bring test subjects back to the lab for further study. After a year of looking the team finally narrowed their search down to two 8-year-old boys.

Back at the lab, two observation rooms were put together. The first room was filled with every kind of toy imaginable. The second room was filled wall to wall with horse manure. The boys were each placed in a room and their behaviors would be observed from behind one-way mirrors.

The first little boy stood skeptically in the doorway of the room full of toys not sure if he should enter. But with a little prodding from one of the researchers who said, “Go on in, they are all yours,” he finally walked over to the first toy. What happened next shocked and stunned the researchers. Instead of playing gleefully the little boy systematically opened every single package in the room and rejected each of the toys in turn. The researchers heard him whining: “These aren’t like my toys at home.” “These toys will never work.” “Where are the video games?” “It’s hot in here.” “I don’t have any friends to play with.” The complaining went on and on until exhausted from his own negativity, he sat down in the middle of the room and angrily shouted, “I’m bored and I want to go home!”

The researchers had been so mesmerized by this display of pessimism and negativity that they had almost forgotten about the second little boy who had been placed in the room full of manure. They quickly shifted their attention to the second room and peering through the observation window, were stopped in their tracks. They had expected to see the little boy sitting on the pile sad and crying. But instead, he was standing on top of the pile, wildly shoveling horse manure. To the amazement of the entire research team, he was animated, excited, alive, and happy. He kept digging and digging and shouting with glee. He was covered with manure from head to toe and he was ecstatic.

Cautiously, one of the scientists opened the door to the room and tried to get the boy’s attention. Finally, the boy stopped what he was doing, turned around, and faced the scientist. Looking with amazement at the manure covered child, the researcher asked, “Son, what in the world are you doing?” With that question, a huge grin crossed the boy’s face and with the same enthusiasm he had given to digging, he replied, “Sir, with all this manure, I just know there’s a pony in here somewhere and I’m going to find him!”

With that, he turned around and continued digging.

This is an extreme example but it points out our tendencies at times.

How do you view the things currently in your life? At work? What about in your marriage? Sex life?

When there’s something you don’t like happening I’m not saying
you don’t address the things that need addressing,
just don’t complain about it.

Think of complaining as a rocking chair. It feels good and it may even feel like you’re doing something, but in the end, you wind up nowhere.

A change in your perspective and attitude will help you feel more attractive – and, when this happens, you become more attractive.

Compare. In our society people (particularly women) are often objectified. Meaning there’s a certain look or feel that we should aspire towards. This is completely based on comparisons. And comparisons give way to competing against others and their perceptions.

Truth is, there is only one you!

So be you in everything you do.

Creating a life of contentment, gratification and confidence is the best way possible to discover your passion and share it with the world.

It’s the best way possible to create a great marriage.

Hope you enjoyed this week’s Saturday Share,

–AChuck

Saturday Share with AChuck

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Each Saturday I enjoy sharing another authors work. It is always an article or blog that has encouraged or sharpened me in some way. I trust that it might do the same for you. Here is my Saturday Share for November 18, 2017


How to Form a New Habit (in 5 Easy Steps) By Lolly Daskal

You will never change your habits until you change something you do daily.

Chances are, this has happened to you: You make a resolution with the best of intentions to break a bad habit or start a good one–maybe for the new year or your birthday or some other special occasion. And within days or weeks, you’re right back where you started, old ways still firmly in place and the resolution gone to the wayside.

So what’s the secret to making, or breaking, a habit and making it stick? It’s not enough to say you want to do it–you have to know how to form new habits effectively.

Whether you want to eat better or get up earlier or limit your time online, here’s a proven strategy for forming a new habit in five simple (if not always easy) steps:

1. Strategy is a fancy word for action plan.
Every new habit needs a strategy. A strategy is simply a plan that helps you reach your goals, a way to give yourself the structure that will help you succeed. Set up a timeline and a system of accountability. Decide how you’ll reward yourself at key milestones and how you’ll deal with slips. Bring together an appropriate support network, whether it’s an individual or a group.

2. Behavior is a choice.
Think of it as behavior replacement. If you’re ending a behavior, especially one that was woven into your day, find something specific to do in its place. For example, if you want to curtail the time you spend looking at your phone, have a book close at hand for the moments you used to turn to your screen.

3. Good habits result from resisting temptations.
The best way to form a new habit is to remove anything that will tempt you into your old ways, to restructure your environment so it won’t tempt you. As much as possible, remove anything that keeps you tied to your old ways. If you want to stop smoking, don’t keep cigarettes around.

4. Accountability breeds responsibility.
To be successful, you have to be deeply committed and willing to hold yourself accountable. Even when no one else is looking, you need to be able to count on yourself. It takes at least 60 consecutive days to really establish a habit, and the more consistent you are, the better it will stick. If you want to start leaving work at a decent time, make sure you leave every evening at the same time. Make it happen. Commit and follow through.

5. Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
Discipline is the key to making your new habit work, and a great way to create discipline is through ritual–something you do daily and repeatedly. If you want to stop checking your emails, start putting your phone in a less accessible area every morning. Ritual can help you fight temptation, too. Some people find it’s helpful to create an associated action like snapping their fingers every time they have the urge to go back to their old ways. Others keep a list of their reasons for wanting to change close at hand and read through it, or spend a moment in prayer or meditation.

No matter how motivated you are, nothing will make creating new habits easy. But it will always be worthwhile–and with the right plan, it may be easier than you think.
Good stuff, right? AChuck

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