Achuckallen

Instigating Better

grace

WHEN GRATITUDE EXITS, THE WRONG THINGS HIT THE FAN by Chuck Allen

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“Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift.
It liberates us from the prison of self–preoccupation.”

–John Ortberg

For years, I have been an evangelist of gratitude. Not because I live a Pollyanna, positive-thinking lifestyle, but because of what intentional gratitude did to change my very existence.

I’ve written extensively about my consistent struggle with depression and emotional health. That’s not my point today. It is, however, a reminder that in a world where recent polls show that, “Mental illnesses are among the most common health conditions in the United States. More than 50% will be diagnosed with a mental illness or disorder at some point in their lifetime. 1 in 5 Americans will experience a mental illness in a given year,” we need a proactive reframing of our present conditions.

In a recent article entitled “Causes of Depression,” the following were the leading factors in a person experiencing the many varying degrees of this often debilitating emotion:

  • Abuse. Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can make you more vulnerable to depression later in life.
  • Age. People who are elderly are at higher risk of depression. That can be made worse by other factors, such as living alone and having a lack of social support.
  • Certain medications. Some drugs, such as isotretinoin (used to treat acne), the antiviral drug interferon-alpha, and corticosteroids, can increase your risk of depression.
  • Conflict. Depression in someone who has the biological vulnerability to it may result from personal conflicts or disputes with family members or friends.
  • Death or a loss. Sadness or grief after the death or loss of a loved one, though natural, can increase the risk of depression.
  • Gender. Women are about twice as likely as men to become depressed. No one’s sure why. The hormonal changes that women go through at different times of their lives may play a role.
  • Genes. A family history of depression may increase the risk. It’s thought that depression is a complex trait, meaning there are probably many different genes that each exert small effects, rather than a single gene that contributes to disease risk. The genetics of depression, like most psychiatric disorders, are not as simple or straightforward as in purely genetic diseases such as Huntington’s chorea or cystic fibrosis.
  • Major events. Even good events such as starting a new job, graduating, or getting married can lead to depression. So can moving, losing a job or income, getting divorced, or retiring. However, the syndrome of clinical depression is never just a “normal” response to stressful life events.
  • Other personal problems. Problems such as social isolation due to other mental illnesses or being cast out of a family or social group can contribute to the risk of developing clinical depression.
  • Serious illnesses. Sometimes, depression happens along with a major illness or may be triggered by another medical condition.
  • Substance misuse. Nearly 30% of people with substance misuse problems also have major or clinical depression. Even if drugs or alcohol temporarily make you feel better, they ultimately will aggravate depression.

Holy Cow! After reading through that list, you realize that we are all candidates for experiencing some measure of depression – especially during the holidays!

Let me be clear. Significant depression requires professional care. If you are in the state of Georgia and you are living the challenge of depression, please reach our to ClearPath Counseling. The team of therapists and counselors at ClearPath are the best in the business, and they desire to help you make finding and receiving assistance simple and affordable.

In the meantime, we all could benefit from the emotional, physical and spiritual benefits of creating a simple and sustainable system of INTENTIONAL GRATITUDE in our daily lives. here’s why:

Before I even touch on the spiritual benefits, read these quotes from the National Alliance for Mental Illness.

“…. many studies over the past decade have found that people who consciously count their blessings tend to be happier and less depressed….” Learn more from Gratitude Changes You And Your Brain (Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine).

In a study, “one group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on them being positive or negative). After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.” Learn more from Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier (Harvard Health)

“There’s a growing body of research on the benefits of gratitude. Studies have found that giving thanks and counting blessings can help people sleep better, lower stress and improve interpersonal relationships….” Learn more from If You Feel Thankful, Write It Down. It’s Good For Your Health (NPR)

“A large study conducted by Virginia Commonwealth University showed that thankfulness predicted a significantly lower risk of major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, phobia, nicotine dependence, alcohol dependence and drug abuse….” Learn more from When Looking for Happiness, Find Gratitude, Gratitude (NAMI)

“…. experiments have shown that people whole partake in the “three good things” exercise — which, as the name suggests, prompts people to think of three good moments or things that happened that day — see considerable improvements in depression and overall happiness, sometimes in as little as a couple weeks….” Learn more from 7 Surprising Health Benefits of Gratitude (Time)

Just a reminder that none of these quoted sources are exactly bastions of spiritual health.

Gratitude, my friends, is a significant theme in the Bible. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 in the NLT is pretty clear:
Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Did you read that? Give thanks in all circumstances. Thankfulness should be a way of life for us, naturally flowing from our hearts and mouths. And when it is, it has the power to reshape our emotions and hearts each day.

It is pretty significant that Paul doesn’t tell us to give thanks for everything. The preposition used is the Greek en, which is translated by the English preposition in. Paul isn’t saying that we must be thankful for the difficulties we encounter; instead, he is challenging us to be grateful in any circumstance. Paul recognized that the secret of peace, joy, and contentment isn’t found in circumstances. Instead, there is peace, joy, and contentment is directly found in recognizing it is Christ who strengthens us for whatever we might face.

I once thought that this was simply a mindset issue. That I could simply try harder to think more thankfully, or positively. That is simple hogwash. A growing body of research shows that writing down (physically) what you are grateful for can lower stress, help you sleep better, and may even reduce the risk of heart disease. Write it down!

When I started writing down – every single day – the three things that I am grateful for, my life started to radically improve. I was far more engaged with God, and He was obvious in sharing with me, His pleasure. I was calmer, more contented, less stressful, and a far better human to live and work with – far better!

I use a simple, sustainable system. I write on a plain 3×5 card each day three things I am grateful for that morning. It takes less than one minute. Be real, not super-spiritual. My thre this morning were quite real;
1) I finally got my new iPhone – love it.
2) My 12 year-old car is super clean and filled with fuel – woo-hoo!
3) God answered a significant prayer this week and I am so stinking grateful!

It’s not hard – Just three things that come to the top of your mind – Do not overthink it!

I then capture 4-5 qualities (adjectives) that describe the person I think God is asking me to be or become today. My examples from this morning included, SIMPLE, TRUTH-FILLED, APPRECIATIVE, HELPFUL, QUIETER. Some change often and some stay around a week or more. Again, don’t overthink it!

I them write a short scripture that I am attempting to memorize during the week (Sun-Sat).

That’s it! In total, I spend less than 5-minutes on this exercise. I’ve been at this for years now. And here is the good news.

I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE CONTENT, FULFILLED, PEACEFUL, AND HAPPY in my entire life. I know for a fact that putting intentional gratitude into my daily routine changed everything. I have had the privilege of helping a lot of people do the same, and every one of us can give you the same story – IT JUST WORKS!

In a world and a season that id fraught with anxiety, stress, weariness, and depression, you have everything to gain with this sustainable practice is proven scientifically, psychologically, and spiritually to greatly improve your life.

GET AFTER GRATITUDE!

“The greatest source of happiness is the ability to be grateful at all times.”

-ZIG ZIGLAR

Go in Peace & Gratitude, Chuck

ASLAN COACHING: Helping people build balance, purpose, and peace into their lives by instigating a better way to approach the challenges of todays hectic, stress-filled pace!
For information on how Aslan Coaching can help you,
send an email to chuck@aslancoaching.com

CAPTAIN COMPASSION

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I have learned to love the word COMPASSION.
Unfortunately, I haven’t always loved it. I spent a great deal of my life with a self-filled condition that locked my heart from experiencing compassion I’m not proud of it. I am embarrassed of that truth During a a difficult season people came and helped me with acts of compassion that changed my life.

Compassion is defined as the recognition of another’s suffering
and a desire to alleviate that suffering  

My friend Julie Homrich, a psychotherapist, and I record a weekly podcast in which we merge faith and psychology In our most recent recording, we had a conversation about compassion Here are a few thoughts that she shared on this week’s Positive Talk Podcast:

“If you’re someone who, like me, heard about the shooting at Robb Elementary and felt both overwhelmed and frozen at first, I want to normalize that for a moment.
We talk a lot on this podcast about the fight/flight/freeze response, which happens whenever our nervous system feels threatened. So if you’re watching media coverage about a school shooting and you have a child of any age that attends a school— that feels threatening, right? Your nervous system is responding appropriately for that moment. The challenge is that many of us get STUCK in that nervous system response and don’t move THROUGH it. This keeps us in this low-level state of fear and anxiety instead of moving through that initial response into a state of compassion which leads to action I think many of our listeners can relate to this… after something tragic like that happens we just stay in this state of suppressed anxiety and don’t know what to do with it.”

POSITIVE TALK PODCAST: merging faith & psychology

I’ll bet that we have all been there. Friends, we have been created with an internal drive to move from feeling to action. That is why I have learned how critical it is to allow your soul to put this internal feeling of compassion into external action.
Again, Julie Homrich has a fresh thought on this compassion we feel:

“Once we notice a need or see a crisis like what happened at Robb elementary, an interesting thing happens in the brain. Our threat circuitry kicks in and up. We call it, empathetic distress, here we start to feel a bit of pain for someone else. Unfortunately, many of us get stuck in empathetic distress. When research scientists have studied compassion, they find that this process unfolds as we are moved to compassion, but that process can collapse at different points along the way.

Staying stuck in empathetic distress is not only unhelpful for society but it isn’t good for us either— we continue to walk around feeling anxious with no alleviation of that distress by avoiding and
not acting with compassion.

“Why do we do this? Well, several things can collapse the compassion process. We may minimize the crisis with the thought that it’s not really that bad. We might catastrophize the crisis, in that there is nothing I can do to help. We may have biases that keep us from engaging or we may begin to blame other people, or a lack of mental health accessibility or guns, or the president. Blaming is our mind’s way of shifting responsibility off of us because we either don’t know what to do or we do not think we can do about that. If you are prone to blame, recognize that is most often an attempt to shift responsibility. One remedy is to pause and ask yourself, “I cannot change them but what is my responsibility – right now at this moment?”

Please read these words closely, ; PUTTING COMPASSION INTO ACTION IS VERY GOOD FOR OUR MENTAL, EMOTIONAL, AND PHYSICAL HEALTH Again, my friend Julie offers these thoughts:

“God created our bodies to operate
at their best when we are showing compassion”

Get this, compassion is good for the hearts of those we serve, but it is GOOD for OUR hearts as well. Our bodies produce a hormone called oxytocin. When we show compassion, our physical hearts have built-in receptors for oxytocin. When oxytocin levels are high (when we are feeling and experiencing compassion), our heart receptors take in the oxytocin. Oxytocin helps our heart cells regenerate and heal from the damage that may have occurred through our lifestyle or even genetics. Oxytocin also serves as an anti-inflammatory and antioxidant. It’s called the cuddle hormone because it is released by touch and helps us feel connected to whatever is right in front of us.” That is just one more way in which we can see a godly view of life connected with a psychological view of life.

“In compassion, when we feel with the other, we dethrone ourselves from the center of our world and we put another person there.”

– Karen Armstrong

All of that leads me to the story I want to share with you today.

In my recent trips to Uvalde, Texas, I have met many extraordinary people, but one man has activated my compassion into action. Now and then, we meet someone that lights us up and moves our hearts toward being a better human. I met that guy in Uvalde.

Dr. Hector Lopez grew up in Uvalde, Texas. While in high school he, like many young Hispanic kids, dropped out of school to earn a living. While experiencing life as a high school dropout, his family moved to Chicago, where he went back to school, completed his high school degree, and then went on to college and earned his doctorate.

Dr. Lopez moved his family to Uvalde to take on a compassion-led task. He took on building and running a high school that serves students that once were dropouts.

That may not have registered with you, so allow me to state that again. A man with an earned Ph.D. voluntarily chose to serve as a principal of a “dropout high school.”

Crossroads High School serves kids that have not only previously dropped out of school, but many of them dropped out to raise their own kids. As a result of the May 24 shooting at Robb Elementary School, and the ensuing plans to demolish that school building, Crossroads was displaced to a maintenance facility. To say that these high school kids have nothing is a vast understatement – They have nothing, but the love of a principal and his team.

“Give Compassion: Every day the average person fights epic battles never told just to survive.” 

– Ken Poirot

When I first met Dr. Lopez, I was amazed at his deep love for “his kids,” and “his faculty.” He could be a professor at a prestigious university, but chose to give of himself, and serve hundreds of kids over the past five years at Crossroads. He welcomed me into his world and quickly conveyed that he didn’t want to be a burden as so many other schools needed help as well, but one more time – they have nothing!

The parking lot is tiny and weed-filled. The grass, what little there is, was 2 feet high and completely unkempt. The three mobile units have a great lack of paint, and what paint still remains is peeling. The soffit is half attached and most of the siding is rotten.

I don’t say all of this to ask you to do anything. I am telling you this story to remind you what everyday people can do to make a radical difference. When Dr. Lopez’s story was told, and our team was in a position to hear it, compassion moved to action. When Julie unpacked this in the podcast, she offered this wisdom:

“Compassionate people are some of the grittiest, toughest, and most determined people because they are willing to enter into empathetic distress and move through it. To move beyond fear and uncertainty and self-doubt, into action. Brain studies of those experiencing compassion show that there are multiple areas of the brain being activated when someone feels compassion- there’s an area of distress but there’s also the area of hope – activated. When you are experiencing compassion and have that sense of connection to suffering, either your own or someone else’s, we see a very strong neural response connected to hope.” Therefore, ask yourself this question:

“Do I want to live an easy life
without deeper purpose
or do I want to take the risk to enter into a state of compassion and experience the depths of hope and
the connection that comes with that risk?“

As for me, I never feel more alive than when I am moved beyond the feeling of compassion, into the action of compassion. As I have spent time in and around Uvalde, I’ve been moved to act on compassion. Being around Dr. Lopez, I have been encouraged and my courage has been bolstered around this humble, gracious leader. Here is the real question. What is it that has occurred in your life that has moved you to compassion lately? If nothing is moving you to compassion, ask yourself these two questions:

  1. Am I (like Chuck has been) too self-absorbed to even sense compassion?
  2. Am I so busy with the natural flow of life that I cannot stop long enough to feel any compassion?

If the answer to either of those questions is even close to a yes, then you are literally robbing yourself of personal health, peace, and courage. You are most likely robbing yourself of emotional and physical healing. And you are definitely robbing yourself of the blessings that are yours when you draw near folks that are brokenhearted. God says that He draws near the brokenhearted and I want to be near God, don’t you? The closer I am to the Divine, the closer I am to His blessings. Put all of this together and who knows?

Maybe you, like Dr. Hector Lopez are the next in line to serve others in the role of Captain Compassion!

I’m certain that Dr. Lopez will someday read this and be amused that anyone might consider him in such a way. He is a brilliant man, wrapped in a lot of humility. That seems to be the very genesis of compassion – HUMILITY. And that leads us back to the two questions asked earlier.

Go in Peace, Chuck

4 Lessons from Uvalde

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AChuckAllen | August 10, 2022

I’ve spent seven of the past fifteen days in Uvalde and DelRio, Texas. In that time, I have learned so much about the incredible people of Uvalde and America, the Beautiful. Some of what I have learned has shaken me to the core. But, on the other hand, some of what I have learned reminds me of what I most likely already knew.

Beyond the lessons learned, this I know. The evil that transpired at Robb Elementary School is a tangible, grizzly reminder that we live in a desperately broken world. That broken world needs healing, hope, and direction. Given the present, recent and hopeful candidates slated or proven, we are in dire straights.

That isn’t to say that the folks in power and those that desire to be in control are incompetent – well, maybe a bit incompetent – but instead, they have their eyes on the wrong target. The political powers that be are so consumed with the lust for power, vengeance, and fame that serving the people of America has gone awash in a sea full of bull.

I’ll keep saying it. We have plenty of competent people and leaders in these United States, but until we break this stalemate of a two-party system, we will get more of what we have tolerated over the past thirty years. Partisan bickering, name-calling, stagnation, and foolishness. All the while, evil runs rampant in this great land’s cities, towns, and countrysides.

The lessons I have learned while in Uvalde are simple. But should we apply them, with a heavy dose of common sense, America can right the ship.

LESSON ONE

Stop Pointing Fingers and choose to correct the problems. Maybe you are a finger pointer. I once was. It’s so stinking easy to waste sideways energy on blaming others. I know we should hold one another accountable, but most of us must choose to fix problems rather than blame. In Uvalde, those families and the schools, hospitals, law enforcement, and churches don’t need one more person or group fixing blame. They are hurting emotionally, mentally, physically, and exhausted from the desperate trauma thrust upon them due to evil. So if you want to help save this great land, get off the blame train and get on the serving others express line. It’s interesting how many people told me that there was very little that could be done in Uvalde. That has not been my experience at all. They have been open and forthright about their needs when I have asked educators, law enforcement, city employees, and other locals. Maybe we need to stop assuming that we know what everyone needs and start asking how we should help.
LESSON NUMBER ONE IS:
SET YOUR PRIDE AND ASSUMPTIONS DOWN AND ASK, THEN LISTEN. IT’S THAT SIMPLE.

LESSON TWO

You name the culture, and I’ll show you that we all have the same basic desires. You pick the color: Black, Brown, White, and I’ll show you our commonalities. We have far more significant similarities than we have differences. The challenge is that we seem to focus on the differences. Most of the community I’ve been serving in Uvalde are Brown folks. They are hard-working Americans with the same desires I have in my hometown. They want peace in their town. They want jobs to provide for their families. They want a fair justice system. These folks want what we all want. They want kind neighbors, honest law enforcement, caring churches, and leaders who put others first. They want safety at their kid’s schools and an opportunity to succeed. All of these things are what America has been built upon. But greed, corruption, and arrogant, self-righteous leaders on both sides of the aisle have depleted us of these most precious commodities. So pick your vote carefully, and be willing to be part of the solution.
LESSON NUMBER TWO IS:
RECOGNIZE WHAT YOU DESIRE MOST IN THIS LIFE, THEN STRIVE TO BRING THAT GOOD TO THE WORLD. EVERY SINGLE HUMAN CAN ADD TO THE GOOD OR THE EVIL. Which will it be for you?

LESSON THREE

This one is at the core of the American Dream. It doesn’t take much to help. It just takes all of us doing our part of the job. Civil service, ministry, education, business, or politics. Each day, you can choose to do at least one thing to make your part of the world better. Not your version of the world, but our version of a better world. The common good, the greater good, whatever you call it. But lay your head on the pillow each night, knowing that you have done your part of our job.
LESSON NUMBER THREE IS SIMPLE:
DO YOUR PART OF OUR JOB AND MAKE YOUR PART OF THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

LESSON FOUR

You all are already checking out on me. I seem to know this truth as I write these words. So hang in there; this is the good part. Lesson four is something tangible. Do good where it is needed. The Bible teaches that we are a blessed people; better translated, we are happy people when we act and react more like Jesus.

In Jesus’ famous Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew chapter 5, we find that He starts with the “Beatitudes.” In other words, Jesus is teaching us His attitudes – How we are to be. In verses 3-9 in Matthew 5, we read the following from “The Message.”

Matthew 5:3-9 MSG
“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you, there is more of God and his rule.”
“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.”
“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s when you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”
“You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.”
“You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.”
“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart— put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.”
“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of competing or fighting. That’s when you discover who you really are and your place in God’s family.”

When you replace the word “blessed” with “happy,” you’re getting close to understanding how to be part of the right solution, serving others, doing our part, and choosing good over evil.

Go in Peace, Chuck


This Week’s “I Might Be Wrong, But I Doubt It”

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AChuckAllen August 4, 2022

Have you ever been in the shower or riding down the road thinking, and it hit you that you might be wrong, but you doubt it? Yeah, me too. This week’s article is focused on POLITICS! But, you know the age-old story; avoid politics at the Sunday dinner table if you want to keep the peace. But, here we go. Why do we get so whacked out about politics in America these days?

POLITICS IN AMERICA

America is in an information war – with itself. Our public forums, where we Americans discuss public issues, are broken. There’s little healthy discussion – and plenty of fighting. One reason why: Persuasion is difficult, slow, and time-consuming – it doesn’t make good television or social media content – and so there aren’t a lot of good examples of it in our public discourse. As a result, we have become propagandists, not persuaders. We have chosen the path of picking a side and unfolding a shock and awe campaign of how bad the other side is, regardless of who the other side is.

The old vertical propaganda model cannot withstand the changes in communication brought on by the new participatory media – talk radio, cable, email, blogs, chats, texts, video, and social media.

Pew research says that 93% of Americans are connected to the internet and 82% of Americans are connected to social media. We now all have direct access to communicate in the public square – and, most of us engage at some level in the propaganda machine. A lot of folks use their social media connections and platforms to knowingly and unknowingly spread misinformation, disinformation, conspiracy, and partisan talking points – all forms of propaganda. We’re all propagandists now. At times, we create our own version of dissent.

The inability of Americans to allow for dissenting thoughts has become an epidemic. When we do not allow for common decency in dialogue with those we disagree with, we lose all sense of humanity and turn what could be beneficial for the country into a battle of anger, resentment, and outrage. It doesn’t take long!

Hold your convictions close to you, but be cautious that your convictions are more than preferred thoughts and outcomes. America became America out of appreciation for how our Creator made us uniquely different, and we bond around that rather than fight about why it is the case.

Be sure to leave room for your fellow American to be right, even if it is seldom the case.

Be sure to leave room for you to be wrong, even if it doesn’t happen often.

As a country built on diverse thought, we must accept that wherever diverse thought occurs, conflict is lurking around the corner. Conflict, friend, isn’t the problem.
The problem is mismanaged conflict.

Most conflict is internal. When someone thinks differently than you, they will most likely act, react and vote differently than you. That doesn’t have to make them your enemy. There is a reason that they think that way, and the way they think may have nothing to do with you – at all!

To demonize them without attempting to understand them is doing yourself disfavor! Leave room for that Republican or Democrat to share why. If they don’t know why, other than some talking puppet on an alleged news show, don’t argue; simply step away.

Everyone has the right to be wrong!

If you do find yourself in a heated exchange, be the grown-up in the room and take the heat down. Speaking truth in love is the key here. When we shower others with our worst, we rarely have an opportunity to persuade, we simply become part of the propaganda. Besides, we owe it to the world to lessen the noise and increase the collective IQ.

Step away from the keyboard when you are heated. There is no need to convince others of your lack of control. The country needs men and women of conviction, courage, and wisdom,
not more screaming and banter.

If you want to discuss politics, check your logo and ego at the door and have a clear, common, and compelling reason for what you say. Say it in a way that is helpful, thoughtful, and wise. Be willing to be corrected and be willing to accept differences, and watch how we can find a middle ground.

I might be wrong, but I doubt it.

Go in Peace, Chuck

ARE YOU OFFENDED?

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ACHUCKALLEN AUGUST 2, 2022

Somehow, someway, we have trained ourselves to be easily offended. The minute I hit send on this post, I will begin the process of offending someone about being offended. We all know that it is true, don’t we? Yet, at any given point, we must stop before sharing our true feelings due to the fret and worry over whose feelings we have just hurt. The challenge is that it doesn’t matter what the topic is. It can be baseball; people just go off if you share an opinion. Look at the “Official Atlanta Braves Fan Facebook Page.” These people are screaming at each other on FB for talking about a game! Ever found yourself at a dinner party and politics come up in the discussion? Your heart starts to race; your forehead becomes sweaty, all because you aren’t sure if you are in a field littered with landmines – and these are your friends!

We Might be Anxious

People who are easily offended might struggle with anxiety and a need to control their view and version of the universe. They are accustomed to being in control of things in their lives. As a result, they may also need to control others’ responses. This is a pretty irrational thought, but it is so true! Taking offense to a perceived insult can be a function of anxiety. It might require the other person to acknowledge and tailor their verbiage and demeanor to match the offended person’s worldview. In essence, anxious people need to see their version of the truth as the only truth, which can help mitigate their experience of anxiety. That’s one thought.

We Might be Insecure

Folks that feel insecure have often been invalidated and learned others will not respond to their needs in helpful or meaningful ways. They might not have learned how to get their needs met appropriately and respond in a passive-aggressive manner. As a result, they may find they are more easily offended than others as a way to acknowledge their pain and seek validation of their experience. I see this all the time, and sometimes I see it in the mirror.

We Might be Highly Sensitive

Some of us are merely more sensitive than others. That’s our temperament, how we are wired. It’s extremely hard to be overly sensitive and have healthy relationships, but this is a changeable quality when you recognize this is how you are. One approach when you feel harmed by someone’s remark or lack of attention is to consider: How else could I think of this action except as being meant to hurt me? You might think that someone is having a bad day, they’re actually trying to help you, or that they’re simply inept at being tactful. We really can be a thin-skinned bunch.

We Might Have Experienced a Traumatic Childhood

When we are abused or traumatized as kids, the hurtful action taken against us gets stored in our brains differently than less distressing memories because they are highly emotional and seen as a threat. It’s inevitable, and we all have some measure of trauma. My friend Julie Homrich has taught me a bit about BIG “T” trauma and LITTLE “T” trauma. Even as adults, we have sore spots that can easily get “re-triggered.” If you were left out of activities or bullied as a child, every slight in adulthood might tap into those ugly memories and make you feel as you did as a child. As a result, we can be easily offended. Having a chat with a trained counselor or therapist is so good in this case.

We Might Just Be Selfish and Certain

When we leave no room for uncertainty in our life, as in we are always right, we will be easily offended. If someone doesn’t believe as we do, they must be wrong. If someone doesn’t vote the way we do, they must be wrong. When we have other folks convey a thought, opinion, or belief that we disagree with, can we not just let it go? Is it okay that people are perceived as wrong? Is it okay if they are wrong? Is it possible that we are wrong? Now I’ve gone too far…clearly! My point is that we have to attain some sense of decency and decorum in our personal exchange of ideas and ideologies, do we not? At some point, the gateway drug to the violence we are experiencing on our streets is that we have drawn red lines around our worldview and have determined that those lines are the point of no return, and once crossed, we start pushing the verbal nuclear codes into our preferred method of social media, or worse. It is okay that people do not see the world as you do!

So, What Are We To Do?

Taking offense can be a legitimate feeling when someone is expressing an unfair or deprecating sentiment about you or a group of people with whom you identify. It’s plenty valid to get offended at racist or sexist remarks. No, you are not overly sensitive when you express your displeasure at someone’s ignorant statement about people who look like you. But, if it’s a frequent mechanism by which insecurities or unresolved and personal issues are exposed, it’s most likely a problem. Get a unbiase thought on that and see where it takes you. It was a real struggle for me, but a struggle that bettered my life by a country mile!

LEAVE ROOM FOR UNCERTAINTY

You realize that none of us know everything about everything, correct? As a result, stay coachable, teachable, and flexible. I promise you that your life will be so much easier. It isn’t easy, but to hold your certainty loosely will allow you to see why someone sees the world differently. That takes the edge off of being angered or offended. It also allows you to be teachable, even if the lesson is what not to think or do.

CREATE SPACE FOR DIVERSE THOUGHT

There is a reason that the Creator didn’t make everyone the same way that you were created. Remember in the Bible, where Isaiah said, “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts?” Me too. He created us in such a beautifully diverse way that we are formed to be better together. Diversity is essential to better living and better thinking. But the truth is that where diversity exists, so also exists conflict. I realize that we have a melting pot of cultures and diversity here in the Land of the Free and that diversity asks something from us. It asks us to see that God made no mistake when He created the wonderful you – AND – the wonderful people that aren’t like you. The world is inhabited by far more people unlike you than like you. Heaven is going to be filled with folks unlike you. But the one central point here is that they were not created in error any more than you were. Learn to embrace diverse thoughts, cultures, and people. You will be so much happier when you do.

LET IT GO

I learned a phrase several years ago that may seem foolish to you, but it has been life-giving to me. When someone says something that seems offensive or even odd, I simply reply with, “how ’bout that?” It allows me to make a statement and keeps me from jumping into the deep water of offense or outrage. Just simply, “how ’bout that?” Idina Menzel was right when she sang, Let it Go in the Disney film, Frozen – LET IT GO! You really don’t have to respond. When we do, it typically makes us feel worse, not the other way around. Choosing to be offended by everything will literally eat you up from the inside, like drinking poison intended for the other party. LET IT GO and see how much happier you become.

More often than not, taking on an offense is a choice. Be very careful how much offense you choose to take into your soul. Like a three-pack-a-day habit, it’ll slowly but surely kill you.

Go in Peace, Chuck

How Should We Respond to Crisis?

by

AChuckAllen | Monday, August 1, 2022

Every week we are bombarded with another crisis. A school shooting, mass shooting, flood, fire, riot, shortage, war, and the hits keep coming.

How can we respond to these crises without remaining angry, bitter, or hardened? How do we hear about more crises without growing jaded or curled up in anxiety? Fair questions for a country that regularly finds its way into trouble.

As a pastor, coach, and counselor, I’ve learned four things that we can all do to respond appropriately to the next crisis.

  1. DON’T CATASTROPHIZE THE CRISIS
    Fight hard not to let your mind convince you that things are far worse than they are. If we aren’t careful, our brain will convince us that we are like our preferred news outlet. We can be so active in telling ourselves that the sky is falling everywhere. We can make every crisis our crisis. Yes, we should be concerned, moved, and burdened, but you cannot own and exasperate every situation. My friend Julie Homrich would say, “don’t believe everything you think.”
  2. ACTIVELY LISTEN
    In most crises, loud voices point fingers, find fault and politicize the situation. Friends, this is not how to help or how to respond. There is a reason our Creator gave us two ears and one mouth. The single best way to respond to a crisis is to exercise your capacity to listen actively. Yes, affirm your connection to those affected. Affirm their heartache or pain, but at all costs, hush and let them speak. Let them find solace in your presence without your words. Keep this in mind. If you don’t know what to say, please don’t throw a catchphrase or random Bible. Verse their way. Just be there and listen. It’s okay to have a ministry of presence. While meeting the wonderful people of Uvalde, Texas, I heard, over and over again, “you are the only people asking us what we need.” In most points of crisis, words are cheap. Listening is golden.
  3. PRAY AND THEN PRAY SOME MORE
    We Americans are such activity-based people. When a hurricane happens, we get out the chain saws and wet vacs. When a shooting happens, we tend to do the same thing. What in the world? Prayer should never be seen as the last resort. Prayer is the single most extraordinary power on earth and requires zero travel! The minute you see or hear of a crisis, start praying. I’ll never forget seeing a horrific auto crash and hopping out of my truck to see if I could help. I got to the driver and realized they were already in the process of bleeding out. An incredible EMT jumped in, and I started praying for this mom out loud in the middle of highway 78. At that moment, the single greatest thing I knew to do was to PRAY! Before I finished, there were more than 20 people that had gathered around and, in their way, joined me in praying. Five days later, I got word that this dear lady had lost her leg, but she had her life and her toddler in the backseat. Prayer works! Pray, and then pray some more!
  4. ACT WITH GRACE AND SERVE WITH HUMILITY Determine not to join the fray and jump on the whiner train. Here is an equation from my friend Brad Rhoads, “Grace + Intentionality = Transformation” grace extends forgiveness and continuously extends a benefit of the doubt. Grace doesn’t blame. It smooths. And here is an authentic truth – WHEN WE EXTEND GRACE, WE SERVE OTHERS WITH HUMILITY!” According to the poster child of humility, Mother Teresa, this is what humility looks like: These are the few ways we can practice humility:
  • To speak as little as possible of one’s self.
  • To mind one’s own business.
  • Not to want to manage other people’s affairs.
  • To avoid busy-body curiosity.
  • To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.
  • To pass over the mistakes of others.
  • To accept insults and injuries.
  • To accept being slighted, forgotten, and disliked.
  • To be kind and gentle even under provocation.
  • Never stand on one’s dignity.
  • To choose is always the hardest. And best.

The evil in this world will continue to be a struggle from now until we reach Heaven’s gates. We will have minimal power over what they might be or where they will happen, but how we act and react to crises is entirely within our power.

Let us be a people that act and react in and through crises with grace, decency, and kindness. The world has a widening depletion of women and men that will respond in love. If we want to improve this world, let us act in these four areas.

Go in Peace, Chuck