Achuckallen

Instigating Better

Mental Health

ARE YOU OFFENDED?

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ACHUCKALLEN AUGUST 2, 2022

Somehow, someway, we have trained ourselves to be easily offended. The minute I hit send on this post, I will begin the process of offending someone about being offended. We all know that it is true, don’t we? Yet, at any given point, we must stop before sharing our true feelings due to the fret and worry over whose feelings we have just hurt. The challenge is that it doesn’t matter what the topic is. It can be baseball; people just go off if you share an opinion. Look at the “Official Atlanta Braves Fan Facebook Page.” These people are screaming at each other on FB for talking about a game! Ever found yourself at a dinner party and politics come up in the discussion? Your heart starts to race; your forehead becomes sweaty, all because you aren’t sure if you are in a field littered with landmines – and these are your friends!

We Might be Anxious

People who are easily offended might struggle with anxiety and a need to control their view and version of the universe. They are accustomed to being in control of things in their lives. As a result, they may also need to control others’ responses. This is a pretty irrational thought, but it is so true! Taking offense to a perceived insult can be a function of anxiety. It might require the other person to acknowledge and tailor their verbiage and demeanor to match the offended person’s worldview. In essence, anxious people need to see their version of the truth as the only truth, which can help mitigate their experience of anxiety. That’s one thought.

We Might be Insecure

Folks that feel insecure have often been invalidated and learned others will not respond to their needs in helpful or meaningful ways. They might not have learned how to get their needs met appropriately and respond in a passive-aggressive manner. As a result, they may find they are more easily offended than others as a way to acknowledge their pain and seek validation of their experience. I see this all the time, and sometimes I see it in the mirror.

We Might be Highly Sensitive

Some of us are merely more sensitive than others. That’s our temperament, how we are wired. It’s extremely hard to be overly sensitive and have healthy relationships, but this is a changeable quality when you recognize this is how you are. One approach when you feel harmed by someone’s remark or lack of attention is to consider: How else could I think of this action except as being meant to hurt me? You might think that someone is having a bad day, they’re actually trying to help you, or that they’re simply inept at being tactful. We really can be a thin-skinned bunch.

We Might Have Experienced a Traumatic Childhood

When we are abused or traumatized as kids, the hurtful action taken against us gets stored in our brains differently than less distressing memories because they are highly emotional and seen as a threat. It’s inevitable, and we all have some measure of trauma. My friend Julie Homrich has taught me a bit about BIG “T” trauma and LITTLE “T” trauma. Even as adults, we have sore spots that can easily get “re-triggered.” If you were left out of activities or bullied as a child, every slight in adulthood might tap into those ugly memories and make you feel as you did as a child. As a result, we can be easily offended. Having a chat with a trained counselor or therapist is so good in this case.

We Might Just Be Selfish and Certain

When we leave no room for uncertainty in our life, as in we are always right, we will be easily offended. If someone doesn’t believe as we do, they must be wrong. If someone doesn’t vote the way we do, they must be wrong. When we have other folks convey a thought, opinion, or belief that we disagree with, can we not just let it go? Is it okay that people are perceived as wrong? Is it okay if they are wrong? Is it possible that we are wrong? Now I’ve gone too far…clearly! My point is that we have to attain some sense of decency and decorum in our personal exchange of ideas and ideologies, do we not? At some point, the gateway drug to the violence we are experiencing on our streets is that we have drawn red lines around our worldview and have determined that those lines are the point of no return, and once crossed, we start pushing the verbal nuclear codes into our preferred method of social media, or worse. It is okay that people do not see the world as you do!

So, What Are We To Do?

Taking offense can be a legitimate feeling when someone is expressing an unfair or deprecating sentiment about you or a group of people with whom you identify. It’s plenty valid to get offended at racist or sexist remarks. No, you are not overly sensitive when you express your displeasure at someone’s ignorant statement about people who look like you. But, if it’s a frequent mechanism by which insecurities or unresolved and personal issues are exposed, it’s most likely a problem. Get a unbiase thought on that and see where it takes you. It was a real struggle for me, but a struggle that bettered my life by a country mile!

LEAVE ROOM FOR UNCERTAINTY

You realize that none of us know everything about everything, correct? As a result, stay coachable, teachable, and flexible. I promise you that your life will be so much easier. It isn’t easy, but to hold your certainty loosely will allow you to see why someone sees the world differently. That takes the edge off of being angered or offended. It also allows you to be teachable, even if the lesson is what not to think or do.

CREATE SPACE FOR DIVERSE THOUGHT

There is a reason that the Creator didn’t make everyone the same way that you were created. Remember in the Bible, where Isaiah said, “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts?” Me too. He created us in such a beautifully diverse way that we are formed to be better together. Diversity is essential to better living and better thinking. But the truth is that where diversity exists, so also exists conflict. I realize that we have a melting pot of cultures and diversity here in the Land of the Free and that diversity asks something from us. It asks us to see that God made no mistake when He created the wonderful you – AND – the wonderful people that aren’t like you. The world is inhabited by far more people unlike you than like you. Heaven is going to be filled with folks unlike you. But the one central point here is that they were not created in error any more than you were. Learn to embrace diverse thoughts, cultures, and people. You will be so much happier when you do.

LET IT GO

I learned a phrase several years ago that may seem foolish to you, but it has been life-giving to me. When someone says something that seems offensive or even odd, I simply reply with, “how ’bout that?” It allows me to make a statement and keeps me from jumping into the deep water of offense or outrage. Just simply, “how ’bout that?” Idina Menzel was right when she sang, Let it Go in the Disney film, Frozen – LET IT GO! You really don’t have to respond. When we do, it typically makes us feel worse, not the other way around. Choosing to be offended by everything will literally eat you up from the inside, like drinking poison intended for the other party. LET IT GO and see how much happier you become.

More often than not, taking on an offense is a choice. Be very careful how much offense you choose to take into your soul. Like a three-pack-a-day habit, it’ll slowly but surely kill you.

Go in Peace, Chuck

How Should We Respond to Crisis?

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AChuckAllen | Monday, August 1, 2022

Every week we are bombarded with another crisis. A school shooting, mass shooting, flood, fire, riot, shortage, war, and the hits keep coming.

How can we respond to these crises without remaining angry, bitter, or hardened? How do we hear about more crises without growing jaded or curled up in anxiety? Fair questions for a country that regularly finds its way into trouble.

As a pastor, coach, and counselor, I’ve learned four things that we can all do to respond appropriately to the next crisis.

  1. DON’T CATASTROPHIZE THE CRISIS
    Fight hard not to let your mind convince you that things are far worse than they are. If we aren’t careful, our brain will convince us that we are like our preferred news outlet. We can be so active in telling ourselves that the sky is falling everywhere. We can make every crisis our crisis. Yes, we should be concerned, moved, and burdened, but you cannot own and exasperate every situation. My friend Julie Homrich would say, “don’t believe everything you think.”
  2. ACTIVELY LISTEN
    In most crises, loud voices point fingers, find fault and politicize the situation. Friends, this is not how to help or how to respond. There is a reason our Creator gave us two ears and one mouth. The single best way to respond to a crisis is to exercise your capacity to listen actively. Yes, affirm your connection to those affected. Affirm their heartache or pain, but at all costs, hush and let them speak. Let them find solace in your presence without your words. Keep this in mind. If you don’t know what to say, please don’t throw a catchphrase or random Bible. Verse their way. Just be there and listen. It’s okay to have a ministry of presence. While meeting the wonderful people of Uvalde, Texas, I heard, over and over again, “you are the only people asking us what we need.” In most points of crisis, words are cheap. Listening is golden.
  3. PRAY AND THEN PRAY SOME MORE
    We Americans are such activity-based people. When a hurricane happens, we get out the chain saws and wet vacs. When a shooting happens, we tend to do the same thing. What in the world? Prayer should never be seen as the last resort. Prayer is the single most extraordinary power on earth and requires zero travel! The minute you see or hear of a crisis, start praying. I’ll never forget seeing a horrific auto crash and hopping out of my truck to see if I could help. I got to the driver and realized they were already in the process of bleeding out. An incredible EMT jumped in, and I started praying for this mom out loud in the middle of highway 78. At that moment, the single greatest thing I knew to do was to PRAY! Before I finished, there were more than 20 people that had gathered around and, in their way, joined me in praying. Five days later, I got word that this dear lady had lost her leg, but she had her life and her toddler in the backseat. Prayer works! Pray, and then pray some more!
  4. ACT WITH GRACE AND SERVE WITH HUMILITY Determine not to join the fray and jump on the whiner train. Here is an equation from my friend Brad Rhoads, “Grace + Intentionality = Transformation” grace extends forgiveness and continuously extends a benefit of the doubt. Grace doesn’t blame. It smooths. And here is an authentic truth – WHEN WE EXTEND GRACE, WE SERVE OTHERS WITH HUMILITY!” According to the poster child of humility, Mother Teresa, this is what humility looks like: These are the few ways we can practice humility:
  • To speak as little as possible of one’s self.
  • To mind one’s own business.
  • Not to want to manage other people’s affairs.
  • To avoid busy-body curiosity.
  • To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.
  • To pass over the mistakes of others.
  • To accept insults and injuries.
  • To accept being slighted, forgotten, and disliked.
  • To be kind and gentle even under provocation.
  • Never stand on one’s dignity.
  • To choose is always the hardest. And best.

The evil in this world will continue to be a struggle from now until we reach Heaven’s gates. We will have minimal power over what they might be or where they will happen, but how we act and react to crises is entirely within our power.

Let us be a people that act and react in and through crises with grace, decency, and kindness. The world has a widening depletion of women and men that will respond in love. If we want to improve this world, let us act in these four areas.

Go in Peace, Chuck

Three Ways to Eliminate Worry

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AChuckAllen.com July 19, 2022

We all have moments in our life when we are worried, even fretful. But we live at such light speed that worry has become our national pastime.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.”

Corrie ten Boom

From the resurgence of COVID (which I am experiencing as I write this) to the vast unrest in the world, there’s a lot to worry about right now. The truth is that worrying does nothing to change the outcome. Absolutely nothing! It just keeps you stuck in a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness and stress. But negative thoughts are part of our biology and while you may not be able to stop them from happening, you can learn to stop them in their tracks. Some solutions help you deal with them.

1. STATE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO

We have heard so much about simply changing our mindset about stress and worry, but I’d like to offer what I believe to be a better alternative. What if we shift the context to deal with the fear, or worry in another way. It’s a new term I learned last month – recontextualization, which is the skill of describing a condition and circumstances in a way that gives you an empowering reality.

Worry often occurs when we are trying something new, and the stakes feel really big. As a result, this worry we feel is founded in the fear of running the show. And the way to get back to positivity and away from negative emotions is through extreme negativity– yikes!

Many, maybe most of us have been taught about the modern positivity movement, including me. I’ve discovered that positivity alone is not sustainable. Instead, we can implement an aspect of realism and deal with things logically and sensibly. The process is super-simple and wildly empowering to your soul.

Matthew Ferry, the author of Quiet Mind, Epic Life, gives a name to the negative voice in your head, your “drunk monkey” mind. “It thinks it’s psychic and can predict the future,” he explains. “Turns out, the drunk monkey only predicts negative futures.”

So, we need to confront this so-called drunk monkey. But how? Well, thanks for asking. Start by writing out the negative future you’re afraid of. Then create a plan of what to do if worst happens. Most folks write out the worried about situation and then make a plan to avoid it. But this only keeps the worry in place. Instead, be completely negative and make a plan for the worst. Don’t give up on me just yet! By doing this, You’ll create a neutral perspective and a sense of peace. If the worst happens, you’ll know what do. This takes the drunk monkey out of consideration and opens your mental state for less worry. BOOM!

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”

Proverbs 12:25

2. PRAY OUTLOUD

No, I’m not kidding! I’m a pastor for goodness sake. I have seen prayer work thousands of times. I’ve seen it work physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve seen storms calmed, people healed, and children return home. I’ve seen marriages restored and relationships recovered. Yes, PRAY!

But here is the key. Pray and pray more. As the Bible teaches, “pray without ceasing.” pray specifically and pray with faith. The Divine promises to hear you, and He will respond in such a way that is for your good and His glory.

But please remember this. The Divine does not keep time as we do. He is not motivated by the same clock that we are. There is a reason that His ways are higher than ours. But you can trust Him in all ways, on all days. Pray, then pray some more.

But you might ask, “why should I pray out loud?” Here are two great reasons to pray out loud.

1. External declarations can change your internal dialogue. When we pray for things out loud, we change our inner dialogue and perspective. Praying things like, “Jesus, I know that You are enough” or “God, I know that You are greater than my grief” will build your faith and help change how you view things. I know this is true in my life.

2. Keeps you focused. Jesus reminds us, “Our spirit might be willing, but our flesh is weak.” If you’re prone to wandering during prayer, like me, praying out loud will help you remain focused. You’re more likely to stay in your zone with God through prayer when your brain listens to what your mouth is saying.

Then, ask others to pray for you. I genuinely feel like the simple act of humility of asking people to pray for you is one step in the right direction, no matter the scenario. PRAY!

3. Practice Gratitude and Generosity

Gratitude is something that we should practice daily, worry or no worry. Gratitude makes us aware of all the good things in our lives that we usually take for granted. I’ve written and said this at least 1,000 times – here’s to 1,001 – When you are grateful for what you have, what you have is more than enough!

Worry can make you feel sad. Things may seem amiss. How can you practice gratitude when you’re upset with everything that’s going on in your life? When you stop focusing on the things that are haywire and start looking at the little things that make your life worth living, you slowly experience a shift in attitude. Your general outlook towards life changes, making you a happier human. This happiness, in turn, helps relieve worry and eventually improves your overall mental health.

If you’re suffering from worry, you’re not alone. Worry and anxiety affect more than 18% of the United States population yearly. When you are fretful, it isn’t easy to find things you are thankful for. But trust me, they’re there.

Study after study has proven that gratitude increases neural modulation in the brain, in the prefrontal cortex, which regulates negative emotions. It also activates dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for making you feel good. The result is instant happiness, prompting you to engage in this practice repeatedly. Get grateful – get less worried.

By acknowledging that there are things in your life to be grateful for, you realize that your worries are irrational, and don’t deserve so much of your attention. This will ease worry and allow you to do the things you had been holding yourself back from doing. It seems like it’s worth a shot, right – dealing with worry and becoming a better human at the same time?

I’m convinced that if you write down three things you are grateful for every day, you will chase worry away!

Then activate generosity. Generosity is the natural response to gratitude. It might be time, money, service, or kindness. It might be a better attitude or offering a benefit of the doubt. Generosity can take on many different forms.

It sounds so simple. And it is, really. Generosity is good for our souls. It’s good for our mental, spiritual and physical health. According to an article in Medical News Today, “Humans thrive off social connections and benefit when they act in the service of others’ well-being.” Studying the brain, they discovered a direct correlation to targeted giving that impacts health. The study shows how the brain creates a neural pathway between the septal area and amygdala when support-giving to specific people we know who are in need. The article concluded: “Giving targeted support to an identifiable individual or organization in need is uniquely associated with reduced amygdala activity thereby may lead to health.” In short, when we give time or money to charitable causes, it activates regions of the brain connected to pleasure and trust, which creates that “less-worried” feeling.

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”

—John Holmes

There will always be less worry in living more like Jesus the Christ. Jesus said in Luke 6:38 “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full-pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

There, now go work on that worry and turn your life into a grateful, prayerful, servant-hearted leader. That’s the life your Creator made to live.

Go in Peace, Chuck

A BETTER WAY TO THINK

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Chuck Allen – July 12, 2022

If you are like me, most of the world Is driving you bat-crazy right now. Wars, shootings, inflation, politics, and the hits just keep on coming! If we aren’t careful, we will find ourselves balled up In a fetal position, cowering under the weight of anxiety, worry, and depression. I’d like to offer a bit of assistance, If I may?

In my counseling and coaching of people from all walks of life, I have narrowed down the basic challenges to three big, and I emphasize BIG buckets.

  1. EXPECTATIONS
  2. CONTROL
  3. BINARY THOUGHT

There are hundreds of other buckets. I’m sure, but these three seem to rise to the surface – regularly. Let’s take a look at each of them with a healthy dose of common sense.

  1. EXPECTATIONS

    No doubt, we all have expectations, not only about ourselves but of others as well. The great challenge is how we manage those expectations. If your expectation Is that you are always going to make a good decision, you are setting yourself up for a huge sense of failure. I read the other day that, on average, we humans (adults) are batting about like Major League Baseball players – .300. That means that, again, on average, we are making a poor decision two-thirds of the time. Holy Cow! But don’t be too hard on yourself. That’s a Major League All-Star stat! We might need to reset expectations on ourselves and extend a bit of grace when It comes to our decisions. We are fallible people living in a fallen world. That simply means that we are and do make mistakes – regularly. The key here is that It is true for all of us. We just find It easier to point out when other people show themselves to be fallible. OUCH!

    The cure? Don’t expect less, simply receive and extend more grace. Recognize that you are not and never will be perfect. That nobody else Is, either, and that the world Is challenging enough without striving for the Impossible. Go ahead and Improve your decision batting average a bit, but recognize your “Mendoza line.” When we see through the lens that allows effort to result in some failure, we can see past failure and look into the eyes of success. It’s all about expectations.
  2. CONTROL

    Holy Cow! This one is my kryptonite! I love the thought that I can control my life and the circumstances around It. But It ends there. It’s a thought, not a reality! The vast majority of our reality Is not within our control, but 100% of how we respond to It is under our total control!

    If we spend the bulk of our time fretting over what Is outside of our control, we will definitely become part of the problem and offer no solution. We will find ourselves with significantly limiting beliefs that force us Into anxiety, unhealthy attitudes, behaviors, and in many cases, depression.

    Here Is a case In point – You cannot control the Russian attack on Ukraine. To spend your energy worrying about it does nothing good for the people affected or yourself. So, drop the limiting belief that you can do everything or nothing, engage in prayer, and/or provide relief through the many ways that you can do so. Here’s another one – You cannot change the price of gas, but you can manage when, where, and how you travel. Inconvenient, sure! Ridiculous, yes! Within your power to correct – NO! But how you respond to it is the Issue! Friends, much of this life Is not within our control, but let us be people that can understand our attitude toward all of life’s challenges is the bigger Issue!
  3. BINARY THOUGHT

    Binary thinking, also known as dichotomous thinking, happens when even complex concepts, ideas, and problems are overly simplified into being one side or another. The gray area in the middle is ignored or goes unnoticed. Binary thinking helps us feel a sense of certainty. Certainty is as silly as control, in most cases. But we love certainty. It makes us feel right, correct, and certain! Many of us are dying a slow death from certainty.

    In our world, we find that binary thoughts are pervasive at every level. You have to be against something if you are for something. But can’t there be other alternative thoughts, actions, attitudes, and resolutions than just this or that? Apparently not! It seems as though we are Incapable of being culturally moderate, even liberal, and remain fiscally conservative, and yet I know plenty of friends who feel that way. It seems that you cannot simply believe in other solutions If the masses believe in “their way.” Come on man! Sorry – I couldn’t help myself.

    It seems that we have forgotten that much of this life, we will never understand. Isn’t that okay? Do we have to feel certain to live at peace? This belief that we must have to pick sides in every part of life Is non-sensical!

    I can be a Republican or Democrat without endorsing every part of the party platform. I can be a Christian and disagree with other Christians. I can choose to be gracious and forgiving when what seems to be an entire world, tells me otherwise! Friends, you are not black, white, or brown. You are people, made in the image of your Creator. You do not have to be certain, controlling, or relegated to simple-minded this or that thought patterns. We must stop acting like the algorithms used on social media and shopping sites. Stop seeking advice and weaponized thoughts from everyone that simply agrees with you. Think and discover your own convictions and grey areas. Drop the belief that everything must be this way or that way, embrace the middle ground, and see how much more peaceful your life Is!

The world is a complex place, filled with complex challenges and people. Don’t make it more challenging by buying the lie that your expectations, control, and binary thoughts have to decide your peace and freedom. Move beyond these limiting beliefs and experience a bit of grace, mercy, and wellness.

Go In Peace, Chuck

THREE WAYS TO BEAT THE MONDAY BLUES

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April 18, 2022

“Monday, Monday, so good to me.” The Mamas and the Papas launched that song in 1966. There have been a few changes in the world since ‘66.

But Monday hasn’t changed much. It is still the day that most of us never look forward to.

Monday has a special significance in our culture as the beginning of the week, which influences our mood and our physical, emotional, and spiritual health outcomes

The 7-day week and the meaning we associate with the days of the week is a social construct, and not based on biological or planetary cycles. But a host of negative outcomes, such as heart attacks and strokes, happen more frequently on Mondays as people transition back to the structured routine of the week.

Something about that doesn’t seem right. Furthermore, we shouldn’t give in to that. If it really is a social construct, and we can choose to make Monday better, why not do that?

A 2021 nationwide survey conducted by the Data Decisions Group tracked awareness and behavior related to Mondays and healthy behaviors. While 11% of people report that Monday is “a day to dread”, many people see Monday positively. They view it as an opportunity for a “fresh start” (40%) and a day to “get my act together” (18%).

83% of responders to the survey agreed that starting the week off healthy would help maintain a focus on health for the rest of the week.

Over the past few months, I’ve been radically focused on becoming a healthier husband, dad, grandad and pastor. I’ve learned the following three ways to kickoff my workweek. Please keep in mind that I’m a pastor. As a result, Monday morning could possibly be a bummer of a let down. But I’ve learned to make Monday one of my favorite days of the week.

1. PLAN YOUR WEEK ON SUNDAY EVENING.

You may not want to, but taking ten minutes to review your calendar, make appropriate adjustments, and make a few notes of a few things you need to add and delete to your schedule is one of the most impactful things you can invest ten-minutes in, always.

Make a very short list of four things you MUST accomplish this week. Write them down! Then prioritize them.

Keep that in front of you.

2. Set limits on the amount of time that you will spend that week on social media, television and enthralled with your smart devices.

Simple awareness of the time you spend on these often worthless efforts is half of your personal productivity and peace perspective.

Earl Sweatshirt once said, “Everyone’s like sheep on social media; like, one person starts making noise, and everyone’s like, ‘Hey, yeah!’ and then you got a whole bunch of people making noise at you.”

And, whether you like it or not, the man trying to buy Twitter said, “I think there should be regulations on social media to the degree that it negatively affects the public good.” -Elon Musk

Don’t let the addictive dopamine hit of a like, follow or friend determine your day, week, or attitude.

3. Determine to Rise Ten-Minutes Early Each Weekday.

Rising just 10-minutes early allows you room to do three things – yes I know I sound like a broken record – but this has had such a radical impact on my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. First, write down three things that you are grateful for. Don’t get all spiritual or intellectual on me. Keep it simple, but write it down. Second, read one chapter of the Bible-book of Proverbs. There’s 31 chapters. How ‘bout that? Third, write down 4-5 words that describe the person that you want to be or become this week. Again, keep it clear. Keep it simple. Keep it real.

As the Mamas and the Papas once sang, “Monday, Monday, so good to me. Every other day, every other day. Every other day, every other day of the week is fine, yeah.But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes. But whenever Monday comes, you can find me cryin’ all of the time”

I think I will choose a better Monday. How about you?

Go in Peace, Chuck

NOPE – Not Gonna do It

by

AChuckAllen.com

It seems too easy to bash anybody that is leading anything today. Bash the president, the Congress, the Senate, the School Board, the Mayor, the CEO, the pastor, the Oscar Host…You get the idea.

I stopped writing this BLOG months ago because I was frustrated with everything. I prayed through my frustration. Talked through my frustration. Then worked through my frustration. The short end of this story is that I needed to pray, think and talk my way to being capable of working through my frustration. The following is a recipe for how I transitioned from frustrated human to peace-filled and productive, purposeful human.

I spent some time offline and off social media. I spent more time reading, praying, and rediscovered the power of solitude, investment, and trajectory. You must be thinking, here’s another preacher tale or worse, another self-help guide. NOPE, neither.

Over the past few months, I have discovered a more peace-filled and purposeful life stage. And it didn’t require an Apple Watch, super-planner, conference, book, or retreat. It took solitude, investment, and trajectory. Here, let me explain.

SOLITUDE:

We are a people that seem to stay in constant motion and with continuous noise. We fill our lives with such busyness that there is literally no time to know who we are, where we are going, or what we want to be. As a result, we drift into what the world wants us to be. But I’m not suggesting that you have to attend a silent retreat or isolate yourself. Instead, I recommend that you discover three, five-minute pauses in your day to grab solitude. Then, in that solitude, capture your investment and trajectory. Of course, I am assuming you know that solitude also needs to include quietude. That’s it. There are three five-minute pauses for your day that have an old-fashioned pen and a 3 x 5 index card. Pretty simple, right? Remember – Just three, five-minute breaks to SIT (SOLITUDE, INVESTMENT, TRAJECTORY).

INVESTMENT:

Now that you have sorted out a way to grab three, five-minute pauses in your day, grab your pen and index card and capture your investments in YOU! Start with GRATITUDE. Always start with GRATITUDE. On the top of the index card, write down two things you are grateful for today. Nothing must be cute, super intellectual, or spiritual. Just what are you grateful for. See the illustration below. This is my card from this morning. Invest in yourself by inserting GRATITUDE as an essential part of your morning routine (2 minutes). Harvard Medical School places a significant emphasis on GRATITUDE. The following is an excerpt from the hard medical Journal:

FRONT
BACK

“The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness (depending on the context). In some ways, gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, being grateful also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.”

“In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”

Faith and science agree that grateful people are far more likely to be more contented and happier. Why not INVEST in your happiness and contentment?

In your solitude pause number one – insert gratitude s an investment in you, your present and future.

Then determine the trajectory of your day, on the same index card. Capture in bullet form a few (typically 5-6) statements that might describe the person you wish to be today. Again, see my illustration. I tend to focus on the cxharacteristics that I believe God might be nudging me toward improvement.

Once I’ve capture my gratitude and my desired person I want to be today, I like to capture one prayer thought that I am asking the Divine to settle in my life.

When I use the term “capture,” it is an effort of be clearly understood that you have given it thought. That you have prayerfully considered it, and you are writing it down on your investment card. The Journal of Experimental Psychology published research that shows how writing your thoughts down can reduce intrusive thoughts about negative events and improve working memory, even the simple act of writing something down lets your brain know you want to remember it.

These three simple steps can, and will change the trajectory of your life, especially when you engage your Creator with a conversation about all of them.

SOLITUDE + INVESTMENT + TRAJECTORY = GREATER PEACE
GREATER PEACE = MORE CONTENTED LIVES AND HAPPIER, HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIPS

To continue the change in trajectory, flip the card over at the end of each day and capture three thoughts.

1. What went well today?
2. What didn’t go so well today?
3. What am I asking God to do in my life tomorrow?

Write them down – file the day away and sleep like a rock.
Wash, rinse and repeat tomorrow.

SOLITUDE – INVESTMENT – TRAJECTORY – JUST SIT

It’s not fancy. It’s not digitized (unless youwant it to be), and it makes a huge difference. Just SIT in Solitude and accomplish these three pauses in each day. If you chose to consider this a version of journaling, I’m cool with that because, according to mental health professionals, journaling is one of the most recommended tools to have a clearer mind and a happier life. It helps to release mental blockades and be more precise about your thoughts. Additionally, journaling helps to understand your desires, priorities, and worries. Multiple studies prove that writing down your thoughts can lead to an increase in well-being and happiness.

1. Solitue – Gratitude
2. Solitude – Invest in who God desires you to be.
3. Solitude – Reflect on your day and place tomorrow into His hands.

So, NOPE, I refuse to join the masses and whine about everything, every leader, and every inconvenience in this life. I’ve stumbled into a simple, sustainable routine to just SIT in solitude for the purpose of investing in the trajectory of my life. As a result, I am more peace-filled and purposeful than any other time in my life. I desire this for you as well. This allows me to focus on my part of our world and prompts me to serve those I can serve in a sustainable, practical, purposeful way.

Maybe this tiny effort, multiplied over thousands of people might make a big collective difference as we all just SIT.

Go in Peace,
Chuck