Achuckallen

Instigating Better

Life and Happiness

Three Traits of a Healthy Friend

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Whether you are an introvert, an extrovert, a people person or a social outcast, one thing I know to be true…We are built to do this life together. God Himself placed this into His creation. He said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us.” Emphasis on US!

In my line of work, you better have friends. When I was a builder/developer, I needed friends. Actually, I’ve never found myself doing anything that mattered without needing friends to challenge me, encourage me and hold me accountable.

I am an awful friend. I know that’s an awful confession about a pastor. But it’s true. I don’t reach out to many other guys, but I should. I don’t naturally gravitate toward encouragement, but I should. I don’t stop and check on how I could help someone or pray for them nearly enough, but I should.

Over the course of the past 5-6 years I’ve come to a state of mind and attitude that I want to become a really good friend and I want and need really good friends. So here are three attributes of what I want to be to a friend and what I think I’d like to have in the quality of my friends.

    1. Real Time Authenticity. I don’t need a rehearsed or scripted conversation that always ends in what I can do for them. I’ve learned the hard way that if your friends disappear the moment you cannot offer them something, you never really had their friendship. You were an acquaintance that offered a needed service hidden behind the mask of friendship. I also want to know that my friends and I with them, are the same person in any environment. A good friend of mine is a big deal. I mean, he’s a really big deal, but when he sees me walk into a room, he treats me like I’m a big deal. I want to be an authentic friend that treats my friends like a big deal.
    2. Limitless Honesty. I want my friends to tell me truth, especially when it is challenging. And I want to be able to tell my friends those things (in honesty) that might be a challenge. No matter what it is about, the truth is always the right conversation with a true friend. And not just when it’s convenient. I’ve been the emperor with no britches and that’s not cool!
    3. Compassionate Accountability. The last thing I need in a friend is someone that will let me coast or slip. I need friends that will graciously hold me accountable in my walk with God, my marriage, family, career and attitudes. My wife Jenny is my number one fan, but she is also my number one accountability partner. She will bust me on a bad attitude or selfish motive in a heart beat. For that and so much more, I love her so much! But really, I’m not looking for drill sergeants and I have no desire to become a drill Sargent. Compassion and kindness are required to lovingly hold a friend accountable.

There are plenty of other qualities in friendship, but these three seemed to rush to the front of the line. I am fully confident that this world would be a far better place to lead, love and lead should we choose to live in friendship with Real Time Authenticity, Limitless Honesty and Compassionate Accountability!

As Fred Rogers well said, “won’t you be my neighbor?”

Go in Peace,
AChuck

The Most Powerful Words in the English Language

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I recently had a string of poor verbal choices, caused a few relationships to go south and then got defensive while being called on it. It was an altogether challenging month. I wish that I could say that somebody else was at fault or that someone else was really at the heart of it all, but if I did that, I would definitely be lying.

I am a type “A” personality, a high “D” temperament and a scrapper. I like to be in charge. I enjoy a good argument every now and then and I am often terminally certain that I must be right. Wow! As I read back over what I just typed, why in the world would the Divine allow me the privilege of serving Him and others as a pastor?

In short, I created some heartache and angst among some of my favorite people and then complicated it by not handling their direct correction well at all. In doing so, I made good relationships challenging and a messy subject messier.

After some significant woodshed moments with the Lord, I have offered sincere and honest apologies and have simply said the most powerful words in the English language. I’M SO SORRY!

Not, I’m sorry that I got busted on it but plain ole I’m sorry. You know, saying those words and saying them with regret and repentance are two very different things. I meant them. I said them and each person has been gracious and loving with me.

So why wouldn’t I handle this correctly? I mean, really? It’s not like interpersonal challenges are new to me. But stopping to recognize that I was the problem is new to me. Stopping long enough to realize that I was the genesis of the problem? Now that is new to me. I then threw gas on the fire by not responding well and poof! What could have been a small and simplistic fix created broken hearts, sideways energy and less productive hours for me, the offended, the church, the Kingdom and my family.

So, in hopes that this short reminder to you might save you the same sideways and damaging journey, here are three things to save you from you:

  • Sometimes you are wrong. I know for many of you this is a no-brainer, but for those of you that suffer from the same terminal certainty that I do, it’s a good reminder that we can actually be wrong.
  • When you are wrong, work hard to make things right rather than working away at proving you are right.
  • Get to “I’m Sorry” as soon as you can and recognize that God uses humble, empty vessels, not pride-filled vessels to accomplish His greatest works.

Thanks for joining me today. I really hope you can join me on the Weekday Meditation, a brief podcast that includes an intentional time of guided prayer and meditation seeking peace, power and direction in your everyday life! You can find the podcast on your favorite podcast platform or at WeekdayMeditation.com

Go in Peace,
AChuck

4forFRIDAY with AChuck

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I love to share good reads, learnings, listens and reviews with friends and followers. So, thanks for subscribing to me 4forFRIDAY BLOG.

AChuck’s 4forFRIDAY 04-05-2019

A Really Good Read: The Way of the Warrior

I love the writings of Erwin McManus. This dude pastors an incredible church in LosAngeles and has helped shape a great deal of my worldview over the years. This is a great read…especially for men.

Another Great Read: The Next Right Thing

I’ve been an Emily P. Freeman fan since “Tuesday Morning” was written a few years back. I listen to her podcast regularly and totally love this book. It’s a great companion to my Power Routines, by the way. You’ll enjoy this read, espaecially if you are female.

A Really, Really Good Lunch: Southbound

Jenny and I joined friends for lunch at Southbound and it was so stinking good! I had a catfish po-boy that’ll bless your situation. Jenn went with the burger and a salad. Everybody had plenty of food and the price was quite reasonable. You’ll be glad you went!

A Simple Plug for My New Tool, POWER ROUTINES.

I have experienced the power of the Living God as I have intentionally insertyed Gratitude, Scripture, Journaling and Prayer into my morning routine. Having no other resource that incorporated these disciplines, I created it myself. Your copy is waiting on you at Sugar Hill Church this Sunday. $10/ea and $2 for $15.

A Really Solid APP: Christian Audio

You know that I’m not a fan of many things that start with the word “Christian”, but this app is great. There are plenty of great books on audio and typically less expensive than audiobook.com. If you aren’t necessarily a reader, this is a super app. If, like me you enjoy listening to books while you ride, it’s a great resource.

Bonus Suggestion: A Podcast that I Faithfully Listen To: Lead to Win

Michael Hyatt and his daughter, Megan Hyatt Miller are great hosts and great leaders. I’ve been encouraged and coached by them both. You’ll grow and be challenged with every episode. AND, Michael’s new book Free to Focus is a GREAT, REALLY GREAT resource!

A Quote from Richard Rohr:

“Every time God forgives us, God is saying that God’s own rules do not matter as much as the relationship that God wants to create with us.” 

The Weekday Podcast and the Weekday Meditation

The Podcast is a 5 minute/day, 5 days/week Bible devotion that is a great word of encouragement.

The Meditation is about 7 minutes/day, 5/days/week and is designed to give you a combined and guided prayer and meditation experience.

Both of these resources are available on the Sugar Hill Church APP or WeekdayPodcast.com & WeekdayMeditation.com

Go in Peace, AChuck

Kindness Starts with One

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kindness

Kindness Starts with One by ACHUCKAllen

Have you ever thought that no good deed goes unpunished? Me too. I’ve heard that phrase for years. Every time someone does some act of kindness and the return on that kindness is less than anticipated, the phrase comes running out of their mouth…” no good deed goes unpunished.”

Here’s the problem in that thinking. We most often act in kindness because we are moved emotional, spiritually or even physically. If we were to stop and ponder if the act of kindness would return a yield of 10 times kindness earnings, we would be a pretty cold and calloused people, right?

The problem with acting or reacting with kindness is a pretty strong indicator of your heart. Jesus had a few awesome stories when it comes to participating in an act of kindness, whether it is random or not.

Take the Parable of the Good Samaritan. There were no attaboys or social media outlets to capture the kindness offered to the most unlikely person. Nobody there to capture a quick pose helping a helpless man left for dead.

What if we were a people that were prone to offering kindness, like that Good Samaritan, simply because it was the right and righteous thing to do? What if we were to be a people that were determined to do the merciful thing even if the only attaboy we were to receive was the Spirit of God patting us on the back?

If you’ve known me more than 10 years, you might be asking who was my guest blogger today? The truth is that I squandered hundreds, maybe thousands of opportunity to act more like Jesus and act in simple kindness.

I cannot rectify those squandered opportunities, but I can set my course on being fully present and fully aware that I can impact my world significantly with a few random and intended acts of simple kindness. How about you?

–AChuck

If You Want a Great Day

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HAVE A GREAT DAY!

IF YOU WANT A GREAT DAY by ACHUCKAllen

We’ve all had “those days.” You know what I’m talking about. The days that you feel like everything just explodes on you with the foul stench of negativity. The kind of day when you aren’t sure why, but you just can’t get over the roar that you hear in your head that is screaming for you to lose it with whoever is the next person in front of you. I’ve had plenty of those days as well, but I’ve also learned a few things that minimize the number of the gross days significantly.

Here are three ways to minimize the number of days that kick you in the hind parts and maximize the number of days that you kick the world’s hind parts. Come on, let’s do this!

  1. I know you are tired of reading these words, but I will promise you that if you will start your day off by writing down 2-3 things that you are grateful for, it will change your life. If you are a regular reader, you know that I started a gratitude journal a few years ago. I KNOW that it has had a radical impact on my life, in every good way!
  2. That’s not an overstatement, that’s a scientifically proven fact. Every study, including Harvard Medical School, says that gratitude has a huge impact on our lives.Here is a quote from the Harvard Med Study: “Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power. In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”
  3. Limit the number of tasks on your to-do list, but get the biggest, most challenging task out of the way first! If you are like 99% of Americans, you like the feel of checking your to-do’s off, so you tackle the easiest tasks on your list out of the gate. If you limit the number of tasks to ensure that you stay focused on what matters most, you will rest better, sleep better and remain energized by your accomplishments and success. Mark Twain once said; “Eat a live frog every morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” One of our most powerful emotions is the sense of accomplishment. There is nothing quite like slaying your badest, nastiest dragon first thing!
  4. Learn to take 10 minutes and meditate! I know what you are thinking, “Chuck, dude, you are killing me. If I have to swallow the big frog first, I don’t have time to meditate. Abraham Lincoln said; “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the ax.”Given his task, it seemed to have served him pretty well. Meditation is sharpening your ax to slay the dragon, or eat the frog! In my world, meditation includes four elements, over 20 minutes. You can start with 10 minutes and add to that as your habit forms.
  5. Here is my meditation plan:
    1) Write down three things that I am grateful for. Over the past three years, I have never run out of things to be grateful for.
    2)     Read a short piece of a Bible reading plan (I enjoy He Reads Truth or the plans in YouVerse).
    3) I pray out loud. I know that may not be your thing, but I am distracted easily and I’ve found that praying out loud and with my eyes open helps me “feel like me and the Divine are in a friendly chat.”
    4) Quietude. This was the step in my meditation maturation that took longer to learn. I had to learn the discipline of quietude. It doesn’t take long, but about 3 minutes of quietude can settle your soul to the degree that you can actually “hear” the promptings of the Divine. Just a thought, but I think this is why we have two listening ears and one talking mouth.    The key to having far more days that are great, rather than gross is to learn this discipline of meditation. Maybe your faith system never saw meditation as part of wholeness and health, but you can trust this ancient and biblical meditation habit to set your soul on a course for peace, fulfillment and even happiness.

Sharpen your ax, my friend and see how consistency in the art of meditation changes every aspect of your life for the better!

–AChuck

Why?

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A few of life’s greatest questions:

  • Why should I give?
  • Why should I serve?
  • Why should I sacrifice?
  • Why should I volunteer?

These loaded questions should be pretty simple to answer. Yet somehow they seem to be lacking in our lives. WHY isn’t clear any longer when it comes to things like serving your country. The illusive WHY seems to be non-existent in most of our churches. And WHY has left the station when it comes to the American culture and workforce. I am abundantly confident that WHY is dead in the land of politics and the governance of our republic.

This world is in desperate need for a few courageous leaders that might dare challenge the status quo with a truthful, clear, common and compelling WHY.

Example: Why should we be grateful? Because we haven proven in both faith based and for profit organizations that when we are grateful, we are more productive, more gracious and more truthful. Not to mention that we are far more content. The bonus cherry on top of the sundae is that when we are grateful for what we have, what we have is more than enough.

Here’s another: Why should we volunteer with organizations that are focused on helping people? Because we know that people who volunteer to help people in need are more aware and open to offer life-altering hope for others. And by doing so, they discover a contented life themselves. Who wouldn’t want that?

And just one more: Why should we sacrificially give our financial resources to help others and organizations that help others? Because when we give in such a way that we feel both the sacrifice and the blessing, we recognize that our sacrifice is the single best emotional return on our investment – PERIOD.

WHY also screams out to us in big bold words, written across the sky, THAT YOU NEED A WHITE-HOT WHY! If we want a WHY to what we give away, we must also be capable of answering WHY you do what you do.

Take a few minutes and attempt to write you WHITE-HOT WHY. Then ask yourself, with ruthless truth — Are you living your why?

In a rather transparent moment, let me say that I found this exercise more challenging than I ever imagined it would be. So, here you go…

  1. I am overwhelmed with the power of the Divine when my heart is surrendered to Him. As a result, I want to help folks know that because of what Christ has already done — they can do this. They can love God with all of their heart mind and soul, and be a normal person. Why? Because Jesus never complicated living for Him, we did.
  2. I want to help shrink the high school dropout rate to 0% in our city. Why? Because better equipped students can continue their education and stop the cycle of ongoing poverty in and around our city.
  3. I would love to provide transitional housing and life skill training for single moms in our region. Why? Because the government cannot meet this need. If we want to effectively change the nature of our communities, we will take a quantum leap in doing so by assisting single moms become emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy. As our moms go, so will much of our cities go. And who doesn’t love a contented, loving and peace-filled mom.

I think you get it. We set a course for a better universe when we can simply answer WHY?

Go Find Your White-Hot Why and chase it like you’re life depended on it.

–AChuck

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