Achuckallen

Instigating Better

Discipleship

Happy People Don’t Do These 4 Things

by

AChuckAllen

It seems odd to suggest that in this world, you can accelerate happiness in your life. But you actually can create a sense of peace and genuine happiness within your soul if you so desire. If that’s the case, then why are so many people unhappy?

In a recent article from Discovery Magazine, I read the following; “The richest countries are not happiest, the healthiest countries are not always the happiest. The happiest countries are the ones who do have the highest levels of a whole range of things,” says John Helliwell, an editor of The World Happiness Report and professor emeritus of the Vancouver School of Economics. “They include, especially, a willingness to trust each other to work for each other and to come together in times of difficulty.”

From that and our everyday life experiences, we know this to be true. I’ve heard from countless people that “money can’t buy happiness.” Or my favorite, “stuff can only make you temporarily happy.”

I’ve written plenty of things you can do to increase your happiness, but here are four things that genuinely happy people DON’T DO.

  1. Genuinely Happy People Don’t Compare Themselves to Others. Eckhart Tolle once said, “Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love — you have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.” Staying in comparison mode will rob you of the lovely soul that the Divine created to be you. God made no mistake when you were created. Every molecule that helps make you the incredible, fantastic you are unique, and wonderful has a purpose that only you can deliver into this world. To compare your awesomeness is a discredit to both you and God. You know what you’re worth, right? Happy folks do because they don’t seek validation outside of themselves. Happy people understand that it comes from a sense of self-awareness — in their way.
  2. Genuinely Happy People Aren’t Selfish, They Serve Others. Every study on the planet proves this to be true. Give a bit of your time, your skill, your kindness, and yourself, and watch happiness wash into your soul. A Chinese saying goes: “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” Our passion should be the foundation for our serving others. It is not how much we give away but how much love we put into giving it. It should not be simply a matter of choosing the right thing, but also the importance of deciding what is suitable for us. God said that He loves a cheerful giver. Like all of life…it’s a matter of our hearts.
  3. Genuinely Happy People Aren’t Rigid. Every time I meet a happy person, I seem to discover this truth – they are naturally flexible. If I could add one piece of scripture to the New Testament, I’d add another Beatitude to Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. When we remain flexible, we remain less stressed and less anxious. Hence, we are happier. Staying fixed in our certainty can steal the happiness from our soul. Discover the joy and margin found in your flexibility. My addition? Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
  4. Genuinely Happy People Guard Their Yes and No. Happiness is often connected to having a margin in our calendar and schedule. When we say yes to everyone and everything, we might be fueling an addiction to please people. I’ve discovered that this addiction is as powerful as alcohol, cocaine, or nicotine. Without guarding our yes and no answers, we give away our margin, grow frustrated with others, and punish both ourselves and those we love. If you want to choose happiness, guard your yes, and no’s.

Don’t settle for temporal happiness when you were created for meaningful, purposeful, and eternal happiness. Get grounded in your faith, your family, and your community. Then stop comparing yourself to anybody, give yourself away, get flexible, and guard your yes and no.

Peace, Chuck

Three Life Skills Nobody Taught Me

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October 4, 2021, | AChuckAllen.com

You know you are getting to “that age” when you talk about what you’ve learned the hard way. Before you know it, you’ll be explaining how hard you had it as a kid, and kids these days don’t know how good they have it. Yikes! I’m not ready for that stage just yet, but I have learned three life lessons that nobody taught me or could teach me. These lessons were indeed learned in the more complicated way of experience.

  1. It’s always better to make things right, as opposed to proving you are right. Seriously, this is one of those lessons that you can teach, preach and plead. But you learn it the hard way. This one will save you a ton of heartache. To be in the right relationship with someone is far better than being correct.
  2. Arguing with a police officer is never a good idea. You say, how did you not know that? Because I am stubborn, hot-headed, and not the sharpest hook in the tackle box. If an officer in rural South Carolina stops you after midnight, it’s never a good idea to offer your honest thoughts on his quaint little town.
  3. Recognizing a Mountain from a Molehill. I’d heard all my life that you shouldn’t make a mountain out of a molehill, but nobody taught me how to differentiate between the two! Here is the key. Does weighing in, contributing to, or differing with make an immediate difference? Does my injecting more words or opinions actually provide help, encouragement, or truth to the conversation. OR? Am I simply talking more and asking everyone else to listen? I now know that many of my opinions do not add to a solution or truth, they are simply opinions. Knowing which is which helps hugely!

Go in Peace, Chuck

A Prayer for Today

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I cannot think of a more passionate, powerful prayer for today. May this wash over you in grace and mercy.

“Amazing God, There’s more to life than we can see, or we can fathom.

Yet, how often we try to shrink your mystery. To tame your dream for us. To limit what is possible.

Remind us that the spirit is always blowing new life into our days, surprising us with wonder and blessing.

Forgive us for our dull awareness and hesitant witness. Let us be made new again and again.

And let us hear, again and again of your mercy and your grace. Amen”

May you be at peace today.

Chuck

A Simple Conversation that Matters

by

AChuckAllen

I realize that I’m a bit odd. I mean, I know that I’m weird. First, I’m a pastor that works hard at attempting to be normal. Second, I am allergic to chit-chat. No, really! I would never say that I like chatting in the sense of getting together for no purpose other than a chat.

However, I greatly appreciate a conversation grounded in purpose. Purpose feels like an accomplishment, reasoning, debating, sharpening, or resolving.

That’s why I know that the following conversation is a double win for you and your friend, child, parent, or spouse. Maybe even all the above!

Build these three questions into your daily routine and watch how your relationships improve with each day that you engage your person (s) of choice.

1. Start with YOUR BEST: What’s the best thing that happened yesterday?

2. Then Tackle the Worst. What’s the worst that’s happened (or is happening) today?

3. Then Add Prayer. What can I specifically pray for you today?

Please be sure to keep it simple. Keep it very real. Keep it truthful. Once you commit to asking, be equally committed to answering. Here’s the essential element in this brief, personal, purposeful conversation – actually pray for them!

If you don’t have anyone to have this conversation with, let your prayer be that you’ll discover them this week. In the meantime, feel free to send me an email and answer these questions. I’ll reply with my answers and pray earnestly for you.

Go In Peace, Chuck

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How’s Your MOB?

by

AChuckAllen

I’m not writing about an unruly mob. I’m referring to an acrostic for M-O-B.

  • MARGIN IN YOUR LIFE
  • OWNERSHIP OF YOUR LIFE
  • BOUNDARIES AROUND YOUR LIFE

Oh, how I wish that I had learned the value of margin in my life 30 years ago! One of the most significant elements of a peace-filled, highly successful life is margin. We all need margin. We need margin emotionally, relationally, financially, professionally, physically, and spiritually. Margin allows us to be in sync with our families, realities, bodies, and possibilities. The only person that can build an appropriate margin for you is you. You know what you need. It would be best if you slowed down long enough to determine what adjustments are required to give you a helpful margin in every facet of your life.

We all must take ownership of all things that we can control. Owning what we can control requires two huge issues. Stop convincing yourself that you are a victim and surrendering your heart to your Creator. Ownership includes claiming what you can and should do to order your life. Surrendering is allowing the Spirit of God to give you direction and correction as you live each day to the fullest.

Margin, ownership, and then boundaries. Without boundaries, we don’t own our calendars, finances, or decisions. Without borders, other people own us and our dreams. Without limitations, we surrender our potential to others. Boundaries are critical to both margin and ownership. When we do not define our boundaries, we say yes to everything. Without boundaries, we overcommit, underdeliver, and stay frustrated with our schedules and ourselves. Boundaries protect us relationally and financially. Boundaries keep our feet out of our mouths. Boundaries keep our focus in the right place.

Without MOB, we all have the power to spin out of control, make poor decisions, and destroy relationships. It’s worth a few hours of your life to invest in creating your margin, ownership, and boundaries.

Peace, Chuck

WE ARE THE ANTS & Who Shook the Jar?

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June 9, 2021

A young friend of mine (Charlton Clayton) posted an Instagram pic on his wall that reminded me of an old story with a super powerful truth attached to it. It goes like this; If you fill a glass Mason Jar with 100 black ants (think picnic) and 100 red ants (think OUCH!), you now have 200 ants. Here is the non-math part of the story. Those 200 ants get along just fine, living and anting together.

But then some knucklehead comes along and shakes the jar. They don’t shake it vigorously, but they shake it pretty well. The Mason Jar is now shaken, not stirred, but the 200 ants, having been disoriented and “all shaken up,” have picked sides. They are no longer just 200 ants living in harmony. They are now 100 red ants versus 100 black ants. And the peaceful Mason Jar is now a full-on battleground.

If you haven’t figured out the natural correlation to our shaken-up world, let me spell it out for you. You pick the division, and I’ll show you the jar shaker. You determine the problem, and I’ll show you the constant instigators. You point out the divisiveness, and I’ll show you the dividers.

How about this? Let’s get in the mason jar and refuse to be shaken or stirred. Let’s determine that we do not need others to do our thinking or our speaking for us. Let us think and reason on our own. Let us speak on and of our personal convictions and conclusions. Let’s tell the truth, keep no secrets, and respect each other.

Let’s stop the insanity of hate-filled rhetoric that has trickled down with all the gentleness of Niagra Falls onto our children.

I am not suggesting that we hide from the differences and divisions. Let’s face it; we have green ants, brown ants, black ants, mean ants, red ants, fire ants, and flying ants. Did you know that there are more than 12,000 species of ants on this planet? In some ways, they are all living together in a globe-shaped Mason Jar.

They do not need us to teach them how to live and survive. They just need to appreciate all the ants.

Allowing jar-shaking leaders in our churches, courtrooms, classrooms, and chambers should be criminal. Let’s live, lead, teach, serve and parent with a passion for loving one another. I know. What a preacher thing to say? But really, why is this so hard? Little kids playing together couldn’t care less what kind of ant you are. They don’t care if you are a right-wing ant or a moderate ant. They aren’t concerned about if you are a brown ant or a green ant. They do care if you play nicely. It’s a universal action…being nice.

Jesus said, “Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.”

He instigated and directed that we first love, then forgive, then love even more. And if we, who claim to be Followers of Jesus are spending more time shaking jars or griping about who shakes the jar, we missed the whole point, didn’t we? Maybe we are spending our time listening to and watching the jar shakers to the point that we don’t recognize the commonalities of all us like ants in the jar anymore?

We are all ants, living in a globe-shaped jar. Stop giving the jar shakers a voice. Give your head and heart to serving the fellow ants in the jar with grace, dignity, kindness, and good old-fashioned love. I think we’ll live in a far better jar.

Peace, Chuck