Achuckallen

Instigating Better

Discipleship

CAPTAIN COMPASSION

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I have learned to love the word COMPASSION.
Unfortunately, I haven’t always loved it. I spent a great deal of my life with a self-filled condition that locked my heart from experiencing compassion I’m not proud of it. I am embarrassed of that truth During a a difficult season people came and helped me with acts of compassion that changed my life.

Compassion is defined as the recognition of another’s suffering
and a desire to alleviate that suffering  

My friend Julie Homrich, a psychotherapist, and I record a weekly podcast in which we merge faith and psychology In our most recent recording, we had a conversation about compassion Here are a few thoughts that she shared on this week’s Positive Talk Podcast:

“If you’re someone who, like me, heard about the shooting at Robb Elementary and felt both overwhelmed and frozen at first, I want to normalize that for a moment.
We talk a lot on this podcast about the fight/flight/freeze response, which happens whenever our nervous system feels threatened. So if you’re watching media coverage about a school shooting and you have a child of any age that attends a school— that feels threatening, right? Your nervous system is responding appropriately for that moment. The challenge is that many of us get STUCK in that nervous system response and don’t move THROUGH it. This keeps us in this low-level state of fear and anxiety instead of moving through that initial response into a state of compassion which leads to action I think many of our listeners can relate to this… after something tragic like that happens we just stay in this state of suppressed anxiety and don’t know what to do with it.”

POSITIVE TALK PODCAST: merging faith & psychology

I’ll bet that we have all been there. Friends, we have been created with an internal drive to move from feeling to action. That is why I have learned how critical it is to allow your soul to put this internal feeling of compassion into external action.
Again, Julie Homrich has a fresh thought on this compassion we feel:

“Once we notice a need or see a crisis like what happened at Robb elementary, an interesting thing happens in the brain. Our threat circuitry kicks in and up. We call it, empathetic distress, here we start to feel a bit of pain for someone else. Unfortunately, many of us get stuck in empathetic distress. When research scientists have studied compassion, they find that this process unfolds as we are moved to compassion, but that process can collapse at different points along the way.

Staying stuck in empathetic distress is not only unhelpful for society but it isn’t good for us either— we continue to walk around feeling anxious with no alleviation of that distress by avoiding and
not acting with compassion.

“Why do we do this? Well, several things can collapse the compassion process. We may minimize the crisis with the thought that it’s not really that bad. We might catastrophize the crisis, in that there is nothing I can do to help. We may have biases that keep us from engaging or we may begin to blame other people, or a lack of mental health accessibility or guns, or the president. Blaming is our mind’s way of shifting responsibility off of us because we either don’t know what to do or we do not think we can do about that. If you are prone to blame, recognize that is most often an attempt to shift responsibility. One remedy is to pause and ask yourself, “I cannot change them but what is my responsibility – right now at this moment?”

Please read these words closely, ; PUTTING COMPASSION INTO ACTION IS VERY GOOD FOR OUR MENTAL, EMOTIONAL, AND PHYSICAL HEALTH Again, my friend Julie offers these thoughts:

“God created our bodies to operate
at their best when we are showing compassion”

Get this, compassion is good for the hearts of those we serve, but it is GOOD for OUR hearts as well. Our bodies produce a hormone called oxytocin. When we show compassion, our physical hearts have built-in receptors for oxytocin. When oxytocin levels are high (when we are feeling and experiencing compassion), our heart receptors take in the oxytocin. Oxytocin helps our heart cells regenerate and heal from the damage that may have occurred through our lifestyle or even genetics. Oxytocin also serves as an anti-inflammatory and antioxidant. It’s called the cuddle hormone because it is released by touch and helps us feel connected to whatever is right in front of us.” That is just one more way in which we can see a godly view of life connected with a psychological view of life.

“In compassion, when we feel with the other, we dethrone ourselves from the center of our world and we put another person there.”

– Karen Armstrong

All of that leads me to the story I want to share with you today.

In my recent trips to Uvalde, Texas, I have met many extraordinary people, but one man has activated my compassion into action. Now and then, we meet someone that lights us up and moves our hearts toward being a better human. I met that guy in Uvalde.

Dr. Hector Lopez grew up in Uvalde, Texas. While in high school he, like many young Hispanic kids, dropped out of school to earn a living. While experiencing life as a high school dropout, his family moved to Chicago, where he went back to school, completed his high school degree, and then went on to college and earned his doctorate.

Dr. Lopez moved his family to Uvalde to take on a compassion-led task. He took on building and running a high school that serves students that once were dropouts.

That may not have registered with you, so allow me to state that again. A man with an earned Ph.D. voluntarily chose to serve as a principal of a “dropout high school.”

Crossroads High School serves kids that have not only previously dropped out of school, but many of them dropped out to raise their own kids. As a result of the May 24 shooting at Robb Elementary School, and the ensuing plans to demolish that school building, Crossroads was displaced to a maintenance facility. To say that these high school kids have nothing is a vast understatement – They have nothing, but the love of a principal and his team.

“Give Compassion: Every day the average person fights epic battles never told just to survive.” 

– Ken Poirot

When I first met Dr. Lopez, I was amazed at his deep love for “his kids,” and “his faculty.” He could be a professor at a prestigious university, but chose to give of himself, and serve hundreds of kids over the past five years at Crossroads. He welcomed me into his world and quickly conveyed that he didn’t want to be a burden as so many other schools needed help as well, but one more time – they have nothing!

The parking lot is tiny and weed-filled. The grass, what little there is, was 2 feet high and completely unkempt. The three mobile units have a great lack of paint, and what paint still remains is peeling. The soffit is half attached and most of the siding is rotten.

I don’t say all of this to ask you to do anything. I am telling you this story to remind you what everyday people can do to make a radical difference. When Dr. Lopez’s story was told, and our team was in a position to hear it, compassion moved to action. When Julie unpacked this in the podcast, she offered this wisdom:

“Compassionate people are some of the grittiest, toughest, and most determined people because they are willing to enter into empathetic distress and move through it. To move beyond fear and uncertainty and self-doubt, into action. Brain studies of those experiencing compassion show that there are multiple areas of the brain being activated when someone feels compassion- there’s an area of distress but there’s also the area of hope – activated. When you are experiencing compassion and have that sense of connection to suffering, either your own or someone else’s, we see a very strong neural response connected to hope.” Therefore, ask yourself this question:

“Do I want to live an easy life
without deeper purpose
or do I want to take the risk to enter into a state of compassion and experience the depths of hope and
the connection that comes with that risk?“

As for me, I never feel more alive than when I am moved beyond the feeling of compassion, into the action of compassion. As I have spent time in and around Uvalde, I’ve been moved to act on compassion. Being around Dr. Lopez, I have been encouraged and my courage has been bolstered around this humble, gracious leader. Here is the real question. What is it that has occurred in your life that has moved you to compassion lately? If nothing is moving you to compassion, ask yourself these two questions:

  1. Am I (like Chuck has been) too self-absorbed to even sense compassion?
  2. Am I so busy with the natural flow of life that I cannot stop long enough to feel any compassion?

If the answer to either of those questions is even close to a yes, then you are literally robbing yourself of personal health, peace, and courage. You are most likely robbing yourself of emotional and physical healing. And you are definitely robbing yourself of the blessings that are yours when you draw near folks that are brokenhearted. God says that He draws near the brokenhearted and I want to be near God, don’t you? The closer I am to the Divine, the closer I am to His blessings. Put all of this together and who knows?

Maybe you, like Dr. Hector Lopez are the next in line to serve others in the role of Captain Compassion!

I’m certain that Dr. Lopez will someday read this and be amused that anyone might consider him in such a way. He is a brilliant man, wrapped in a lot of humility. That seems to be the very genesis of compassion – HUMILITY. And that leads us back to the two questions asked earlier.

Go in Peace, Chuck

4 Lessons from Uvalde

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AChuckAllen | August 10, 2022

I’ve spent seven of the past fifteen days in Uvalde and DelRio, Texas. In that time, I have learned so much about the incredible people of Uvalde and America, the Beautiful. Some of what I have learned has shaken me to the core. But, on the other hand, some of what I have learned reminds me of what I most likely already knew.

Beyond the lessons learned, this I know. The evil that transpired at Robb Elementary School is a tangible, grizzly reminder that we live in a desperately broken world. That broken world needs healing, hope, and direction. Given the present, recent and hopeful candidates slated or proven, we are in dire straights.

That isn’t to say that the folks in power and those that desire to be in control are incompetent – well, maybe a bit incompetent – but instead, they have their eyes on the wrong target. The political powers that be are so consumed with the lust for power, vengeance, and fame that serving the people of America has gone awash in a sea full of bull.

I’ll keep saying it. We have plenty of competent people and leaders in these United States, but until we break this stalemate of a two-party system, we will get more of what we have tolerated over the past thirty years. Partisan bickering, name-calling, stagnation, and foolishness. All the while, evil runs rampant in this great land’s cities, towns, and countrysides.

The lessons I have learned while in Uvalde are simple. But should we apply them, with a heavy dose of common sense, America can right the ship.

LESSON ONE

Stop Pointing Fingers and choose to correct the problems. Maybe you are a finger pointer. I once was. It’s so stinking easy to waste sideways energy on blaming others. I know we should hold one another accountable, but most of us must choose to fix problems rather than blame. In Uvalde, those families and the schools, hospitals, law enforcement, and churches don’t need one more person or group fixing blame. They are hurting emotionally, mentally, physically, and exhausted from the desperate trauma thrust upon them due to evil. So if you want to help save this great land, get off the blame train and get on the serving others express line. It’s interesting how many people told me that there was very little that could be done in Uvalde. That has not been my experience at all. They have been open and forthright about their needs when I have asked educators, law enforcement, city employees, and other locals. Maybe we need to stop assuming that we know what everyone needs and start asking how we should help.
LESSON NUMBER ONE IS:
SET YOUR PRIDE AND ASSUMPTIONS DOWN AND ASK, THEN LISTEN. IT’S THAT SIMPLE.

LESSON TWO

You name the culture, and I’ll show you that we all have the same basic desires. You pick the color: Black, Brown, White, and I’ll show you our commonalities. We have far more significant similarities than we have differences. The challenge is that we seem to focus on the differences. Most of the community I’ve been serving in Uvalde are Brown folks. They are hard-working Americans with the same desires I have in my hometown. They want peace in their town. They want jobs to provide for their families. They want a fair justice system. These folks want what we all want. They want kind neighbors, honest law enforcement, caring churches, and leaders who put others first. They want safety at their kid’s schools and an opportunity to succeed. All of these things are what America has been built upon. But greed, corruption, and arrogant, self-righteous leaders on both sides of the aisle have depleted us of these most precious commodities. So pick your vote carefully, and be willing to be part of the solution.
LESSON NUMBER TWO IS:
RECOGNIZE WHAT YOU DESIRE MOST IN THIS LIFE, THEN STRIVE TO BRING THAT GOOD TO THE WORLD. EVERY SINGLE HUMAN CAN ADD TO THE GOOD OR THE EVIL. Which will it be for you?

LESSON THREE

This one is at the core of the American Dream. It doesn’t take much to help. It just takes all of us doing our part of the job. Civil service, ministry, education, business, or politics. Each day, you can choose to do at least one thing to make your part of the world better. Not your version of the world, but our version of a better world. The common good, the greater good, whatever you call it. But lay your head on the pillow each night, knowing that you have done your part of our job.
LESSON NUMBER THREE IS SIMPLE:
DO YOUR PART OF OUR JOB AND MAKE YOUR PART OF THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

LESSON FOUR

You all are already checking out on me. I seem to know this truth as I write these words. So hang in there; this is the good part. Lesson four is something tangible. Do good where it is needed. The Bible teaches that we are a blessed people; better translated, we are happy people when we act and react more like Jesus.

In Jesus’ famous Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew chapter 5, we find that He starts with the “Beatitudes.” In other words, Jesus is teaching us His attitudes – How we are to be. In verses 3-9 in Matthew 5, we read the following from “The Message.”

Matthew 5:3-9 MSG
“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you, there is more of God and his rule.”
“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.”
“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s when you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”
“You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.”
“You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.”
“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart— put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.”
“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of competing or fighting. That’s when you discover who you really are and your place in God’s family.”

When you replace the word “blessed” with “happy,” you’re getting close to understanding how to be part of the right solution, serving others, doing our part, and choosing good over evil.

Go in Peace, Chuck


ARE YOU OFFENDED?

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ACHUCKALLEN AUGUST 2, 2022

Somehow, someway, we have trained ourselves to be easily offended. The minute I hit send on this post, I will begin the process of offending someone about being offended. We all know that it is true, don’t we? Yet, at any given point, we must stop before sharing our true feelings due to the fret and worry over whose feelings we have just hurt. The challenge is that it doesn’t matter what the topic is. It can be baseball; people just go off if you share an opinion. Look at the “Official Atlanta Braves Fan Facebook Page.” These people are screaming at each other on FB for talking about a game! Ever found yourself at a dinner party and politics come up in the discussion? Your heart starts to race; your forehead becomes sweaty, all because you aren’t sure if you are in a field littered with landmines – and these are your friends!

We Might be Anxious

People who are easily offended might struggle with anxiety and a need to control their view and version of the universe. They are accustomed to being in control of things in their lives. As a result, they may also need to control others’ responses. This is a pretty irrational thought, but it is so true! Taking offense to a perceived insult can be a function of anxiety. It might require the other person to acknowledge and tailor their verbiage and demeanor to match the offended person’s worldview. In essence, anxious people need to see their version of the truth as the only truth, which can help mitigate their experience of anxiety. That’s one thought.

We Might be Insecure

Folks that feel insecure have often been invalidated and learned others will not respond to their needs in helpful or meaningful ways. They might not have learned how to get their needs met appropriately and respond in a passive-aggressive manner. As a result, they may find they are more easily offended than others as a way to acknowledge their pain and seek validation of their experience. I see this all the time, and sometimes I see it in the mirror.

We Might be Highly Sensitive

Some of us are merely more sensitive than others. That’s our temperament, how we are wired. It’s extremely hard to be overly sensitive and have healthy relationships, but this is a changeable quality when you recognize this is how you are. One approach when you feel harmed by someone’s remark or lack of attention is to consider: How else could I think of this action except as being meant to hurt me? You might think that someone is having a bad day, they’re actually trying to help you, or that they’re simply inept at being tactful. We really can be a thin-skinned bunch.

We Might Have Experienced a Traumatic Childhood

When we are abused or traumatized as kids, the hurtful action taken against us gets stored in our brains differently than less distressing memories because they are highly emotional and seen as a threat. It’s inevitable, and we all have some measure of trauma. My friend Julie Homrich has taught me a bit about BIG “T” trauma and LITTLE “T” trauma. Even as adults, we have sore spots that can easily get “re-triggered.” If you were left out of activities or bullied as a child, every slight in adulthood might tap into those ugly memories and make you feel as you did as a child. As a result, we can be easily offended. Having a chat with a trained counselor or therapist is so good in this case.

We Might Just Be Selfish and Certain

When we leave no room for uncertainty in our life, as in we are always right, we will be easily offended. If someone doesn’t believe as we do, they must be wrong. If someone doesn’t vote the way we do, they must be wrong. When we have other folks convey a thought, opinion, or belief that we disagree with, can we not just let it go? Is it okay that people are perceived as wrong? Is it okay if they are wrong? Is it possible that we are wrong? Now I’ve gone too far…clearly! My point is that we have to attain some sense of decency and decorum in our personal exchange of ideas and ideologies, do we not? At some point, the gateway drug to the violence we are experiencing on our streets is that we have drawn red lines around our worldview and have determined that those lines are the point of no return, and once crossed, we start pushing the verbal nuclear codes into our preferred method of social media, or worse. It is okay that people do not see the world as you do!

So, What Are We To Do?

Taking offense can be a legitimate feeling when someone is expressing an unfair or deprecating sentiment about you or a group of people with whom you identify. It’s plenty valid to get offended at racist or sexist remarks. No, you are not overly sensitive when you express your displeasure at someone’s ignorant statement about people who look like you. But, if it’s a frequent mechanism by which insecurities or unresolved and personal issues are exposed, it’s most likely a problem. Get a unbiase thought on that and see where it takes you. It was a real struggle for me, but a struggle that bettered my life by a country mile!

LEAVE ROOM FOR UNCERTAINTY

You realize that none of us know everything about everything, correct? As a result, stay coachable, teachable, and flexible. I promise you that your life will be so much easier. It isn’t easy, but to hold your certainty loosely will allow you to see why someone sees the world differently. That takes the edge off of being angered or offended. It also allows you to be teachable, even if the lesson is what not to think or do.

CREATE SPACE FOR DIVERSE THOUGHT

There is a reason that the Creator didn’t make everyone the same way that you were created. Remember in the Bible, where Isaiah said, “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts?” Me too. He created us in such a beautifully diverse way that we are formed to be better together. Diversity is essential to better living and better thinking. But the truth is that where diversity exists, so also exists conflict. I realize that we have a melting pot of cultures and diversity here in the Land of the Free and that diversity asks something from us. It asks us to see that God made no mistake when He created the wonderful you – AND – the wonderful people that aren’t like you. The world is inhabited by far more people unlike you than like you. Heaven is going to be filled with folks unlike you. But the one central point here is that they were not created in error any more than you were. Learn to embrace diverse thoughts, cultures, and people. You will be so much happier when you do.

LET IT GO

I learned a phrase several years ago that may seem foolish to you, but it has been life-giving to me. When someone says something that seems offensive or even odd, I simply reply with, “how ’bout that?” It allows me to make a statement and keeps me from jumping into the deep water of offense or outrage. Just simply, “how ’bout that?” Idina Menzel was right when she sang, Let it Go in the Disney film, Frozen – LET IT GO! You really don’t have to respond. When we do, it typically makes us feel worse, not the other way around. Choosing to be offended by everything will literally eat you up from the inside, like drinking poison intended for the other party. LET IT GO and see how much happier you become.

More often than not, taking on an offense is a choice. Be very careful how much offense you choose to take into your soul. Like a three-pack-a-day habit, it’ll slowly but surely kill you.

Go in Peace, Chuck

How Should We Respond to Crisis?

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AChuckAllen | Monday, August 1, 2022

Every week we are bombarded with another crisis. A school shooting, mass shooting, flood, fire, riot, shortage, war, and the hits keep coming.

How can we respond to these crises without remaining angry, bitter, or hardened? How do we hear about more crises without growing jaded or curled up in anxiety? Fair questions for a country that regularly finds its way into trouble.

As a pastor, coach, and counselor, I’ve learned four things that we can all do to respond appropriately to the next crisis.

  1. DON’T CATASTROPHIZE THE CRISIS
    Fight hard not to let your mind convince you that things are far worse than they are. If we aren’t careful, our brain will convince us that we are like our preferred news outlet. We can be so active in telling ourselves that the sky is falling everywhere. We can make every crisis our crisis. Yes, we should be concerned, moved, and burdened, but you cannot own and exasperate every situation. My friend Julie Homrich would say, “don’t believe everything you think.”
  2. ACTIVELY LISTEN
    In most crises, loud voices point fingers, find fault and politicize the situation. Friends, this is not how to help or how to respond. There is a reason our Creator gave us two ears and one mouth. The single best way to respond to a crisis is to exercise your capacity to listen actively. Yes, affirm your connection to those affected. Affirm their heartache or pain, but at all costs, hush and let them speak. Let them find solace in your presence without your words. Keep this in mind. If you don’t know what to say, please don’t throw a catchphrase or random Bible. Verse their way. Just be there and listen. It’s okay to have a ministry of presence. While meeting the wonderful people of Uvalde, Texas, I heard, over and over again, “you are the only people asking us what we need.” In most points of crisis, words are cheap. Listening is golden.
  3. PRAY AND THEN PRAY SOME MORE
    We Americans are such activity-based people. When a hurricane happens, we get out the chain saws and wet vacs. When a shooting happens, we tend to do the same thing. What in the world? Prayer should never be seen as the last resort. Prayer is the single most extraordinary power on earth and requires zero travel! The minute you see or hear of a crisis, start praying. I’ll never forget seeing a horrific auto crash and hopping out of my truck to see if I could help. I got to the driver and realized they were already in the process of bleeding out. An incredible EMT jumped in, and I started praying for this mom out loud in the middle of highway 78. At that moment, the single greatest thing I knew to do was to PRAY! Before I finished, there were more than 20 people that had gathered around and, in their way, joined me in praying. Five days later, I got word that this dear lady had lost her leg, but she had her life and her toddler in the backseat. Prayer works! Pray, and then pray some more!
  4. ACT WITH GRACE AND SERVE WITH HUMILITY Determine not to join the fray and jump on the whiner train. Here is an equation from my friend Brad Rhoads, “Grace + Intentionality = Transformation” grace extends forgiveness and continuously extends a benefit of the doubt. Grace doesn’t blame. It smooths. And here is an authentic truth – WHEN WE EXTEND GRACE, WE SERVE OTHERS WITH HUMILITY!” According to the poster child of humility, Mother Teresa, this is what humility looks like: These are the few ways we can practice humility:
  • To speak as little as possible of one’s self.
  • To mind one’s own business.
  • Not to want to manage other people’s affairs.
  • To avoid busy-body curiosity.
  • To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.
  • To pass over the mistakes of others.
  • To accept insults and injuries.
  • To accept being slighted, forgotten, and disliked.
  • To be kind and gentle even under provocation.
  • Never stand on one’s dignity.
  • To choose is always the hardest. And best.

The evil in this world will continue to be a struggle from now until we reach Heaven’s gates. We will have minimal power over what they might be or where they will happen, but how we act and react to crises is entirely within our power.

Let us be a people that act and react in and through crises with grace, decency, and kindness. The world has a widening depletion of women and men that will respond in love. If we want to improve this world, let us act in these four areas.

Go in Peace, Chuck

Three Ways to Eliminate Worry

by

AChuckAllen.com July 19, 2022

We all have moments in our life when we are worried, even fretful. But we live at such light speed that worry has become our national pastime.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.”

Corrie ten Boom

From the resurgence of COVID (which I am experiencing as I write this) to the vast unrest in the world, there’s a lot to worry about right now. The truth is that worrying does nothing to change the outcome. Absolutely nothing! It just keeps you stuck in a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness and stress. But negative thoughts are part of our biology and while you may not be able to stop them from happening, you can learn to stop them in their tracks. Some solutions help you deal with them.

1. STATE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO

We have heard so much about simply changing our mindset about stress and worry, but I’d like to offer what I believe to be a better alternative. What if we shift the context to deal with the fear, or worry in another way. It’s a new term I learned last month – recontextualization, which is the skill of describing a condition and circumstances in a way that gives you an empowering reality.

Worry often occurs when we are trying something new, and the stakes feel really big. As a result, this worry we feel is founded in the fear of running the show. And the way to get back to positivity and away from negative emotions is through extreme negativity– yikes!

Many, maybe most of us have been taught about the modern positivity movement, including me. I’ve discovered that positivity alone is not sustainable. Instead, we can implement an aspect of realism and deal with things logically and sensibly. The process is super-simple and wildly empowering to your soul.

Matthew Ferry, the author of Quiet Mind, Epic Life, gives a name to the negative voice in your head, your “drunk monkey” mind. “It thinks it’s psychic and can predict the future,” he explains. “Turns out, the drunk monkey only predicts negative futures.”

So, we need to confront this so-called drunk monkey. But how? Well, thanks for asking. Start by writing out the negative future you’re afraid of. Then create a plan of what to do if worst happens. Most folks write out the worried about situation and then make a plan to avoid it. But this only keeps the worry in place. Instead, be completely negative and make a plan for the worst. Don’t give up on me just yet! By doing this, You’ll create a neutral perspective and a sense of peace. If the worst happens, you’ll know what do. This takes the drunk monkey out of consideration and opens your mental state for less worry. BOOM!

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”

Proverbs 12:25

2. PRAY OUTLOUD

No, I’m not kidding! I’m a pastor for goodness sake. I have seen prayer work thousands of times. I’ve seen it work physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve seen storms calmed, people healed, and children return home. I’ve seen marriages restored and relationships recovered. Yes, PRAY!

But here is the key. Pray and pray more. As the Bible teaches, “pray without ceasing.” pray specifically and pray with faith. The Divine promises to hear you, and He will respond in such a way that is for your good and His glory.

But please remember this. The Divine does not keep time as we do. He is not motivated by the same clock that we are. There is a reason that His ways are higher than ours. But you can trust Him in all ways, on all days. Pray, then pray some more.

But you might ask, “why should I pray out loud?” Here are two great reasons to pray out loud.

1. External declarations can change your internal dialogue. When we pray for things out loud, we change our inner dialogue and perspective. Praying things like, “Jesus, I know that You are enough” or “God, I know that You are greater than my grief” will build your faith and help change how you view things. I know this is true in my life.

2. Keeps you focused. Jesus reminds us, “Our spirit might be willing, but our flesh is weak.” If you’re prone to wandering during prayer, like me, praying out loud will help you remain focused. You’re more likely to stay in your zone with God through prayer when your brain listens to what your mouth is saying.

Then, ask others to pray for you. I genuinely feel like the simple act of humility of asking people to pray for you is one step in the right direction, no matter the scenario. PRAY!

3. Practice Gratitude and Generosity

Gratitude is something that we should practice daily, worry or no worry. Gratitude makes us aware of all the good things in our lives that we usually take for granted. I’ve written and said this at least 1,000 times – here’s to 1,001 – When you are grateful for what you have, what you have is more than enough!

Worry can make you feel sad. Things may seem amiss. How can you practice gratitude when you’re upset with everything that’s going on in your life? When you stop focusing on the things that are haywire and start looking at the little things that make your life worth living, you slowly experience a shift in attitude. Your general outlook towards life changes, making you a happier human. This happiness, in turn, helps relieve worry and eventually improves your overall mental health.

If you’re suffering from worry, you’re not alone. Worry and anxiety affect more than 18% of the United States population yearly. When you are fretful, it isn’t easy to find things you are thankful for. But trust me, they’re there.

Study after study has proven that gratitude increases neural modulation in the brain, in the prefrontal cortex, which regulates negative emotions. It also activates dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for making you feel good. The result is instant happiness, prompting you to engage in this practice repeatedly. Get grateful – get less worried.

By acknowledging that there are things in your life to be grateful for, you realize that your worries are irrational, and don’t deserve so much of your attention. This will ease worry and allow you to do the things you had been holding yourself back from doing. It seems like it’s worth a shot, right – dealing with worry and becoming a better human at the same time?

I’m convinced that if you write down three things you are grateful for every day, you will chase worry away!

Then activate generosity. Generosity is the natural response to gratitude. It might be time, money, service, or kindness. It might be a better attitude or offering a benefit of the doubt. Generosity can take on many different forms.

It sounds so simple. And it is, really. Generosity is good for our souls. It’s good for our mental, spiritual and physical health. According to an article in Medical News Today, “Humans thrive off social connections and benefit when they act in the service of others’ well-being.” Studying the brain, they discovered a direct correlation to targeted giving that impacts health. The study shows how the brain creates a neural pathway between the septal area and amygdala when support-giving to specific people we know who are in need. The article concluded: “Giving targeted support to an identifiable individual or organization in need is uniquely associated with reduced amygdala activity thereby may lead to health.” In short, when we give time or money to charitable causes, it activates regions of the brain connected to pleasure and trust, which creates that “less-worried” feeling.

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”

—John Holmes

There will always be less worry in living more like Jesus the Christ. Jesus said in Luke 6:38 “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full-pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

There, now go work on that worry and turn your life into a grateful, prayerful, servant-hearted leader. That’s the life your Creator made to live.

Go in Peace, Chuck

A BETTER WAY TO THINK

by

Chuck Allen – July 12, 2022

If you are like me, most of the world Is driving you bat-crazy right now. Wars, shootings, inflation, politics, and the hits just keep on coming! If we aren’t careful, we will find ourselves balled up In a fetal position, cowering under the weight of anxiety, worry, and depression. I’d like to offer a bit of assistance, If I may?

In my counseling and coaching of people from all walks of life, I have narrowed down the basic challenges to three big, and I emphasize BIG buckets.

  1. EXPECTATIONS
  2. CONTROL
  3. BINARY THOUGHT

There are hundreds of other buckets. I’m sure, but these three seem to rise to the surface – regularly. Let’s take a look at each of them with a healthy dose of common sense.

  1. EXPECTATIONS

    No doubt, we all have expectations, not only about ourselves but of others as well. The great challenge is how we manage those expectations. If your expectation Is that you are always going to make a good decision, you are setting yourself up for a huge sense of failure. I read the other day that, on average, we humans (adults) are batting about like Major League Baseball players – .300. That means that, again, on average, we are making a poor decision two-thirds of the time. Holy Cow! But don’t be too hard on yourself. That’s a Major League All-Star stat! We might need to reset expectations on ourselves and extend a bit of grace when It comes to our decisions. We are fallible people living in a fallen world. That simply means that we are and do make mistakes – regularly. The key here is that It is true for all of us. We just find It easier to point out when other people show themselves to be fallible. OUCH!

    The cure? Don’t expect less, simply receive and extend more grace. Recognize that you are not and never will be perfect. That nobody else Is, either, and that the world Is challenging enough without striving for the Impossible. Go ahead and Improve your decision batting average a bit, but recognize your “Mendoza line.” When we see through the lens that allows effort to result in some failure, we can see past failure and look into the eyes of success. It’s all about expectations.
  2. CONTROL

    Holy Cow! This one is my kryptonite! I love the thought that I can control my life and the circumstances around It. But It ends there. It’s a thought, not a reality! The vast majority of our reality Is not within our control, but 100% of how we respond to It is under our total control!

    If we spend the bulk of our time fretting over what Is outside of our control, we will definitely become part of the problem and offer no solution. We will find ourselves with significantly limiting beliefs that force us Into anxiety, unhealthy attitudes, behaviors, and in many cases, depression.

    Here Is a case In point – You cannot control the Russian attack on Ukraine. To spend your energy worrying about it does nothing good for the people affected or yourself. So, drop the limiting belief that you can do everything or nothing, engage in prayer, and/or provide relief through the many ways that you can do so. Here’s another one – You cannot change the price of gas, but you can manage when, where, and how you travel. Inconvenient, sure! Ridiculous, yes! Within your power to correct – NO! But how you respond to it is the Issue! Friends, much of this life Is not within our control, but let us be people that can understand our attitude toward all of life’s challenges is the bigger Issue!
  3. BINARY THOUGHT

    Binary thinking, also known as dichotomous thinking, happens when even complex concepts, ideas, and problems are overly simplified into being one side or another. The gray area in the middle is ignored or goes unnoticed. Binary thinking helps us feel a sense of certainty. Certainty is as silly as control, in most cases. But we love certainty. It makes us feel right, correct, and certain! Many of us are dying a slow death from certainty.

    In our world, we find that binary thoughts are pervasive at every level. You have to be against something if you are for something. But can’t there be other alternative thoughts, actions, attitudes, and resolutions than just this or that? Apparently not! It seems as though we are Incapable of being culturally moderate, even liberal, and remain fiscally conservative, and yet I know plenty of friends who feel that way. It seems that you cannot simply believe in other solutions If the masses believe in “their way.” Come on man! Sorry – I couldn’t help myself.

    It seems that we have forgotten that much of this life, we will never understand. Isn’t that okay? Do we have to feel certain to live at peace? This belief that we must have to pick sides in every part of life Is non-sensical!

    I can be a Republican or Democrat without endorsing every part of the party platform. I can be a Christian and disagree with other Christians. I can choose to be gracious and forgiving when what seems to be an entire world, tells me otherwise! Friends, you are not black, white, or brown. You are people, made in the image of your Creator. You do not have to be certain, controlling, or relegated to simple-minded this or that thought patterns. We must stop acting like the algorithms used on social media and shopping sites. Stop seeking advice and weaponized thoughts from everyone that simply agrees with you. Think and discover your own convictions and grey areas. Drop the belief that everything must be this way or that way, embrace the middle ground, and see how much more peaceful your life Is!

The world is a complex place, filled with complex challenges and people. Don’t make it more challenging by buying the lie that your expectations, control, and binary thoughts have to decide your peace and freedom. Move beyond these limiting beliefs and experience a bit of grace, mercy, and wellness.

Go In Peace, Chuck