Achuckallen

Instigating Better

Parenting

Three Traits of a Healthy Friend

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Whether you are an introvert, an extrovert, a people person or a social outcast, one thing I know to be true…We are built to do this life together. God Himself placed this into His creation. He said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us.” Emphasis on US!

In my line of work, you better have friends. When I was a builder/developer, I needed friends. Actually, I’ve never found myself doing anything that mattered without needing friends to challenge me, encourage me and hold me accountable.

I am an awful friend. I know that’s an awful confession about a pastor. But it’s true. I don’t reach out to many other guys, but I should. I don’t naturally gravitate toward encouragement, but I should. I don’t stop and check on how I could help someone or pray for them nearly enough, but I should.

Over the course of the past 5-6 years I’ve come to a state of mind and attitude that I want to become a really good friend and I want and need really good friends. So here are three attributes of what I want to be to a friend and what I think I’d like to have in the quality of my friends.

    1. Real Time Authenticity. I don’t need a rehearsed or scripted conversation that always ends in what I can do for them. I’ve learned the hard way that if your friends disappear the moment you cannot offer them something, you never really had their friendship. You were an acquaintance that offered a needed service hidden behind the mask of friendship. I also want to know that my friends and I with them, are the same person in any environment. A good friend of mine is a big deal. I mean, he’s a really big deal, but when he sees me walk into a room, he treats me like I’m a big deal. I want to be an authentic friend that treats my friends like a big deal.
    2. Limitless Honesty. I want my friends to tell me truth, especially when it is challenging. And I want to be able to tell my friends those things (in honesty) that might be a challenge. No matter what it is about, the truth is always the right conversation with a true friend. And not just when it’s convenient. I’ve been the emperor with no britches and that’s not cool!
    3. Compassionate Accountability. The last thing I need in a friend is someone that will let me coast or slip. I need friends that will graciously hold me accountable in my walk with God, my marriage, family, career and attitudes. My wife Jenny is my number one fan, but she is also my number one accountability partner. She will bust me on a bad attitude or selfish motive in a heart beat. For that and so much more, I love her so much! But really, I’m not looking for drill sergeants and I have no desire to become a drill Sargent. Compassion and kindness are required to lovingly hold a friend accountable.

There are plenty of other qualities in friendship, but these three seemed to rush to the front of the line. I am fully confident that this world would be a far better place to lead, love and lead should we choose to live in friendship with Real Time Authenticity, Limitless Honesty and Compassionate Accountability!

As Fred Rogers well said, “won’t you be my neighbor?”

Go in Peace,
AChuck

5 Ways to Experience Family Devotions

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Happy family on the couch reading storybook at home in the living room

5 Ways to Experience Family Devotions by AChuckAllen

As a parent and a grandparent, I’ve had my fair share of seasons that I wondered if I could be any worse as a parent. Now that all of our girls are “grown-ups,” I still occasionally wonder if I did everything that I could have done. I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to answer that. I know this, they are far better kids that I was, and they all are on uniquely different paths in their emotional, spiritual and developmental journey.

I am often asked how to “do family devotions.” Let me say that I was truly not a
model of excellence in this effort, but I have observed and experienced a few things along the way with our daughters…all six of them.

  1. Don’t try to force a book or a systematic process that doesn’t work for you and your kids. Don’t force a time or a schedule. Simply be consistent in your own life. If you want you kids to believe in the power of prayer, let them experience you praying over them. If you want them to grow up reading and trusting the Bible, let them see you read and trust the Bible. Did I mention that I have had many, many seasons of abject failure as a parent?
  2. Speak of the things of God openly with your kids. When you see a beautiful sky, point out the glory of His work. When your cat has kittens, speak of how God’s creation is fascinating. When you are on the beach, thank God for His gift to us. When our kids see and hear us speak openly on the things of God, our kids will begin looking for them as well.
  3. Pray with your kids about things other than meals. Yes, prayer before a meal is a great start, but to stop and pray before they get on the bus? That’s the stuff that will stay with them when they have their kids.
  4. Use Right Now Media, which is free to you, if you are a part of our Sugar Hill Church family. There are dozens and dozens of kids media tools to help you deliver exceptional content to your family. Need help getting that set up? Just email Bobby@SugarHillChurch.com and he will get you going. This is a great resource.
  5. If your family does have the capacity and ability to actually have a set time, in a season where that works for you, good for you! If so, use the stories of Jesus found in the Gospels. If I could do one thing differently, and only one thing with my kids when they were younger? I would have stayed in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) far more than I did. Let the stories of Jesus and His teachings saturate your kids and your family to their bones. You’ll be so glad that you did.

The most important thing to remember? Stay at it. Keep the things and ways of the Divine in front of your children,  in every possible way, especially through you!

–AChuck

The Art of Christmas Giving

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The Art of

Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas! Every time I hear that I think about the Salvation Army folks at the doors of the mall or WalMart. I think these folks are so generous with their time and it causes me to wonder about my giving of myself and my resources during this season. I hope that you do, as well.

I read this poem the other night while preparing for a sermon. I thought it captured the art of giving so well that it would be wrong to only share it in a sermon.

Somehow, not only for Christmas,
But all the long year through,
The joy that you give to others,
Is the joy that comes back to you.
And the more you spend in blessing,
The poor and lonely and sad,
The more of your heart’s possessing,
Returns to you glad.

– John Greenleaf Whittier

I sincerely believe that giving isn’t really a matter of finances, it’s a matter of our heart. As a matter of fact, you might want to read this piece of Scripture out loud:

“If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving — large or small — it will be used to measure what is given back to you.” Luke 6:38

It’s so easy to hang on to what we have and fret over what we do not have. But what if we knew that every gift is not just a blessing, but an art form? What if our mindset went from “I cannot afford to give,” to “I will give something?”

We have heard people say, “You can’t out-give God.” Well, you can’t out-give yourself either. You don’t need to be wealthy to possess a giving heart. Give a smile, offer forgiveness, lend a compassionate ear, extend a helping hand. However you give, God’s promise is tried and tested, and you’ll see the blessings multiplied and returned back to you. That’s so true in this season. Christmas giving is indeed an art form. One that is refined in the hearts of men and women as we simply give – whatever it is – with a heart of gratitude, a mind focused on the things of the Divine, and soul overflowing with compassion.

Hone your skills to give this season – with open hands and a generous spirit.

Now, please don’t misunderstand. Jenny, and I love to give. That’s because we’ve learned something. When we give to God, we are blessed. And although most of our giving goes to the church, we don’t give to a church. We don’t give to the programs of the church. We give our offerings to God alone. In fact, the Bible teaches us to give for our own good and for our own blessing, from a cheerful heart.

Don’t just assume that I’m right. Take a look at what God has to say about the art of giving. I fully believe God wants us to give. Read what the Bible says about giving.

FIRST AND FOREMOST, GOD WANTS US TO GIVE BECAUSE IT SHOWS THAT WE RECOGNIZE HE IS TRULY THE LORD OF OUR LIVES.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  —James 1:17

Don’t bootleg your own blessing this season. Give thanks with a grateful heart, because when we are grateful for what we have, we always want to give out of the same emotion.

–AChuck

Parenting Santa vs. Jesus

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jesus_santa_christmas

Okay, before you start slamming me on this one, read a bit further. I am confident that both sides of this aisle will have an equal and frustratingly logical conundrum when it comes to your kids, Santa Claus, and the Birth of Jesus.

For parents that are all about that Santa thing – Good for you. Go get your bowl full of jelly thing going!

For parents that are all about that anti-Santa thing and keep gifts focused on the Lord’s birthday – Good for you. Go get your shepherds outfit on and while you are at it, break out your Santa kneeling at the manger figurine.

But here’s the deal, as I have lived this with six daughters and five grandkids. It’s all about perspective. Although I firmly believe that Jesus was born of a virgin and that it was recorded both historically and biblically, I did the Santa thing with my kids. I’m not suggesting that you should,  but I am suggesting that keeping the message of Jesus entering our world as Emmanuel (God with us) is the biggest deal about the Christmas story.

There is no Santa, elves, and reindeer without Jesus.
There are no lame games played at family and company parties without Jesus.
There are no Christmas trees without Jesus.
Where there is no Jesus, there is no real Christmas.

I know that you know that, but if you will hang in here with me for a few more sentences, I’d like to offer four ways to parent, while keeping Jesus as the real story that made Christmas.

  1. As you tuck your children in or send them off to bed, remind them that all of the things we enjoy this time of year happens because of Jesus. All the shows and all the train rides, carriage rides and parties are because Jesus loved us so much that He left Heaven to come to Bethlehem. And He did that to give us the only Christmas present that will last for all of eternity.
  2. As you go see Santa, or see the lights, or put up the tree, don’t just listen to the “Jingle Bell Music,” listen to some “Away in the Manger Music.” Sometimes we need our traditions to dig a bit deeper than whatever the latest ABC Family TV Movie is depicting!
  3. If you don’t do the Santa thing, please don’t go casting shade on the folks that do it. You can love Jesus and do Santa. And you can not do Santa and love Jesus. I’m pretty sure the with or without Santa clubs do not have a monopoly on the Baby born in a stable. Like I try to say every week in some form or fashion – You can love Jesus and not be a weirdo. By the way, by weirdo, I mean, lose all the self-righteous, self-proclaimed keeper of all that is good and holy. If your convictions are to not introduce your kids to Santa, that’s great. But it’s not because you are more spiritual than the rest of the world. It just means you are honoring your convictions. And if you listen for reindeer and a jolly old fat dude on Christmas Eve, you aren’t more fun. Just seek what is good for your family and do your thing. But don’t teach your kids how to be Christmas snobs on either side.
  4. Model for your children what Jesus means to you during this season. If you want your kids to grow a healthy desire to be generous, show them generosity. If you want your kids to be sensitive in thanking Jesus for all you have and get to experience, then show them in your prayers and remarks that teach them. If you want your kids to sing and know the carols that point to Jesus, listen to them. You get the idea. You can model Jesus and why He came, or you can choose something else. Either way, you are teaching your kids.

Either way – with or without Santa – Keep Jesus first this season, and honor Him with your heart, your head, and your hands. Then it won’t really matter if a red-suited dude comes down a chimney or not.

–AChuck

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