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WHEN GRATITUDE EXITS, THE WRONG THINGS HIT THE FAN by Chuck Allen

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“Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift.
It liberates us from the prison of self–preoccupation.”

–John Ortberg

For years, I have been an evangelist of gratitude. Not because I live a Pollyanna, positive-thinking lifestyle, but because of what intentional gratitude did to change my very existence.

I’ve written extensively about my consistent struggle with depression and emotional health. That’s not my point today. It is, however, a reminder that in a world where recent polls show that, “Mental illnesses are among the most common health conditions in the United States. More than 50% will be diagnosed with a mental illness or disorder at some point in their lifetime. 1 in 5 Americans will experience a mental illness in a given year,” we need a proactive reframing of our present conditions.

In a recent article entitled “Causes of Depression,” the following were the leading factors in a person experiencing the many varying degrees of this often debilitating emotion:

  • Abuse. Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can make you more vulnerable to depression later in life.
  • Age. People who are elderly are at higher risk of depression. That can be made worse by other factors, such as living alone and having a lack of social support.
  • Certain medications. Some drugs, such as isotretinoin (used to treat acne), the antiviral drug interferon-alpha, and corticosteroids, can increase your risk of depression.
  • Conflict. Depression in someone who has the biological vulnerability to it may result from personal conflicts or disputes with family members or friends.
  • Death or a loss. Sadness or grief after the death or loss of a loved one, though natural, can increase the risk of depression.
  • Gender. Women are about twice as likely as men to become depressed. No one’s sure why. The hormonal changes that women go through at different times of their lives may play a role.
  • Genes. A family history of depression may increase the risk. It’s thought that depression is a complex trait, meaning there are probably many different genes that each exert small effects, rather than a single gene that contributes to disease risk. The genetics of depression, like most psychiatric disorders, are not as simple or straightforward as in purely genetic diseases such as Huntington’s chorea or cystic fibrosis.
  • Major events. Even good events such as starting a new job, graduating, or getting married can lead to depression. So can moving, losing a job or income, getting divorced, or retiring. However, the syndrome of clinical depression is never just a “normal” response to stressful life events.
  • Other personal problems. Problems such as social isolation due to other mental illnesses or being cast out of a family or social group can contribute to the risk of developing clinical depression.
  • Serious illnesses. Sometimes, depression happens along with a major illness or may be triggered by another medical condition.
  • Substance misuse. Nearly 30% of people with substance misuse problems also have major or clinical depression. Even if drugs or alcohol temporarily make you feel better, they ultimately will aggravate depression.

Holy Cow! After reading through that list, you realize that we are all candidates for experiencing some measure of depression – especially during the holidays!

Let me be clear. Significant depression requires professional care. If you are in the state of Georgia and you are living the challenge of depression, please reach our to ClearPath Counseling. The team of therapists and counselors at ClearPath are the best in the business, and they desire to help you make finding and receiving assistance simple and affordable.

In the meantime, we all could benefit from the emotional, physical and spiritual benefits of creating a simple and sustainable system of INTENTIONAL GRATITUDE in our daily lives. here’s why:

Before I even touch on the spiritual benefits, read these quotes from the National Alliance for Mental Illness.

“…. many studies over the past decade have found that people who consciously count their blessings tend to be happier and less depressed….” Learn more from Gratitude Changes You And Your Brain (Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine).

In a study, “one group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on them being positive or negative). After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.” Learn more from Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier (Harvard Health)

“There’s a growing body of research on the benefits of gratitude. Studies have found that giving thanks and counting blessings can help people sleep better, lower stress and improve interpersonal relationships….” Learn more from If You Feel Thankful, Write It Down. It’s Good For Your Health (NPR)

“A large study conducted by Virginia Commonwealth University showed that thankfulness predicted a significantly lower risk of major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, phobia, nicotine dependence, alcohol dependence and drug abuse….” Learn more from When Looking for Happiness, Find Gratitude, Gratitude (NAMI)

“…. experiments have shown that people whole partake in the “three good things” exercise — which, as the name suggests, prompts people to think of three good moments or things that happened that day — see considerable improvements in depression and overall happiness, sometimes in as little as a couple weeks….” Learn more from 7 Surprising Health Benefits of Gratitude (Time)

Just a reminder that none of these quoted sources are exactly bastions of spiritual health.

Gratitude, my friends, is a significant theme in the Bible. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 in the NLT is pretty clear:
Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Did you read that? Give thanks in all circumstances. Thankfulness should be a way of life for us, naturally flowing from our hearts and mouths. And when it is, it has the power to reshape our emotions and hearts each day.

It is pretty significant that Paul doesn’t tell us to give thanks for everything. The preposition used is the Greek en, which is translated by the English preposition in. Paul isn’t saying that we must be thankful for the difficulties we encounter; instead, he is challenging us to be grateful in any circumstance. Paul recognized that the secret of peace, joy, and contentment isn’t found in circumstances. Instead, there is peace, joy, and contentment is directly found in recognizing it is Christ who strengthens us for whatever we might face.

I once thought that this was simply a mindset issue. That I could simply try harder to think more thankfully, or positively. That is simple hogwash. A growing body of research shows that writing down (physically) what you are grateful for can lower stress, help you sleep better, and may even reduce the risk of heart disease. Write it down!

When I started writing down – every single day – the three things that I am grateful for, my life started to radically improve. I was far more engaged with God, and He was obvious in sharing with me, His pleasure. I was calmer, more contented, less stressful, and a far better human to live and work with – far better!

I use a simple, sustainable system. I write on a plain 3×5 card each day three things I am grateful for that morning. It takes less than one minute. Be real, not super-spiritual. My thre this morning were quite real;
1) I finally got my new iPhone – love it.
2) My 12 year-old car is super clean and filled with fuel – woo-hoo!
3) God answered a significant prayer this week and I am so stinking grateful!

It’s not hard – Just three things that come to the top of your mind – Do not overthink it!

I then capture 4-5 qualities (adjectives) that describe the person I think God is asking me to be or become today. My examples from this morning included, SIMPLE, TRUTH-FILLED, APPRECIATIVE, HELPFUL, QUIETER. Some change often and some stay around a week or more. Again, don’t overthink it!

I them write a short scripture that I am attempting to memorize during the week (Sun-Sat).

That’s it! In total, I spend less than 5-minutes on this exercise. I’ve been at this for years now. And here is the good news.

I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE CONTENT, FULFILLED, PEACEFUL, AND HAPPY in my entire life. I know for a fact that putting intentional gratitude into my daily routine changed everything. I have had the privilege of helping a lot of people do the same, and every one of us can give you the same story – IT JUST WORKS!

In a world and a season that id fraught with anxiety, stress, weariness, and depression, you have everything to gain with this sustainable practice is proven scientifically, psychologically, and spiritually to greatly improve your life.

GET AFTER GRATITUDE!

“The greatest source of happiness is the ability to be grateful at all times.”

-ZIG ZIGLAR

Go in Peace & Gratitude, Chuck

ASLAN COACHING: Helping people build balance, purpose, and peace into their lives by instigating a better way to approach the challenges of todays hectic, stress-filled pace!
For information on how Aslan Coaching can help you,
send an email to chuck@aslancoaching.com

Three Ways to Eliminate Worry

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AChuckAllen.com July 19, 2022

We all have moments in our life when we are worried, even fretful. But we live at such light speed that worry has become our national pastime.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.”

Corrie ten Boom

From the resurgence of COVID (which I am experiencing as I write this) to the vast unrest in the world, there’s a lot to worry about right now. The truth is that worrying does nothing to change the outcome. Absolutely nothing! It just keeps you stuck in a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness and stress. But negative thoughts are part of our biology and while you may not be able to stop them from happening, you can learn to stop them in their tracks. Some solutions help you deal with them.

1. STATE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO

We have heard so much about simply changing our mindset about stress and worry, but I’d like to offer what I believe to be a better alternative. What if we shift the context to deal with the fear, or worry in another way. It’s a new term I learned last month – recontextualization, which is the skill of describing a condition and circumstances in a way that gives you an empowering reality.

Worry often occurs when we are trying something new, and the stakes feel really big. As a result, this worry we feel is founded in the fear of running the show. And the way to get back to positivity and away from negative emotions is through extreme negativity– yikes!

Many, maybe most of us have been taught about the modern positivity movement, including me. I’ve discovered that positivity alone is not sustainable. Instead, we can implement an aspect of realism and deal with things logically and sensibly. The process is super-simple and wildly empowering to your soul.

Matthew Ferry, the author of Quiet Mind, Epic Life, gives a name to the negative voice in your head, your “drunk monkey” mind. “It thinks it’s psychic and can predict the future,” he explains. “Turns out, the drunk monkey only predicts negative futures.”

So, we need to confront this so-called drunk monkey. But how? Well, thanks for asking. Start by writing out the negative future you’re afraid of. Then create a plan of what to do if worst happens. Most folks write out the worried about situation and then make a plan to avoid it. But this only keeps the worry in place. Instead, be completely negative and make a plan for the worst. Don’t give up on me just yet! By doing this, You’ll create a neutral perspective and a sense of peace. If the worst happens, you’ll know what do. This takes the drunk monkey out of consideration and opens your mental state for less worry. BOOM!

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”

Proverbs 12:25

2. PRAY OUTLOUD

No, I’m not kidding! I’m a pastor for goodness sake. I have seen prayer work thousands of times. I’ve seen it work physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve seen storms calmed, people healed, and children return home. I’ve seen marriages restored and relationships recovered. Yes, PRAY!

But here is the key. Pray and pray more. As the Bible teaches, “pray without ceasing.” pray specifically and pray with faith. The Divine promises to hear you, and He will respond in such a way that is for your good and His glory.

But please remember this. The Divine does not keep time as we do. He is not motivated by the same clock that we are. There is a reason that His ways are higher than ours. But you can trust Him in all ways, on all days. Pray, then pray some more.

But you might ask, “why should I pray out loud?” Here are two great reasons to pray out loud.

1. External declarations can change your internal dialogue. When we pray for things out loud, we change our inner dialogue and perspective. Praying things like, “Jesus, I know that You are enough” or “God, I know that You are greater than my grief” will build your faith and help change how you view things. I know this is true in my life.

2. Keeps you focused. Jesus reminds us, “Our spirit might be willing, but our flesh is weak.” If you’re prone to wandering during prayer, like me, praying out loud will help you remain focused. You’re more likely to stay in your zone with God through prayer when your brain listens to what your mouth is saying.

Then, ask others to pray for you. I genuinely feel like the simple act of humility of asking people to pray for you is one step in the right direction, no matter the scenario. PRAY!

3. Practice Gratitude and Generosity

Gratitude is something that we should practice daily, worry or no worry. Gratitude makes us aware of all the good things in our lives that we usually take for granted. I’ve written and said this at least 1,000 times – here’s to 1,001 – When you are grateful for what you have, what you have is more than enough!

Worry can make you feel sad. Things may seem amiss. How can you practice gratitude when you’re upset with everything that’s going on in your life? When you stop focusing on the things that are haywire and start looking at the little things that make your life worth living, you slowly experience a shift in attitude. Your general outlook towards life changes, making you a happier human. This happiness, in turn, helps relieve worry and eventually improves your overall mental health.

If you’re suffering from worry, you’re not alone. Worry and anxiety affect more than 18% of the United States population yearly. When you are fretful, it isn’t easy to find things you are thankful for. But trust me, they’re there.

Study after study has proven that gratitude increases neural modulation in the brain, in the prefrontal cortex, which regulates negative emotions. It also activates dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for making you feel good. The result is instant happiness, prompting you to engage in this practice repeatedly. Get grateful – get less worried.

By acknowledging that there are things in your life to be grateful for, you realize that your worries are irrational, and don’t deserve so much of your attention. This will ease worry and allow you to do the things you had been holding yourself back from doing. It seems like it’s worth a shot, right – dealing with worry and becoming a better human at the same time?

I’m convinced that if you write down three things you are grateful for every day, you will chase worry away!

Then activate generosity. Generosity is the natural response to gratitude. It might be time, money, service, or kindness. It might be a better attitude or offering a benefit of the doubt. Generosity can take on many different forms.

It sounds so simple. And it is, really. Generosity is good for our souls. It’s good for our mental, spiritual and physical health. According to an article in Medical News Today, “Humans thrive off social connections and benefit when they act in the service of others’ well-being.” Studying the brain, they discovered a direct correlation to targeted giving that impacts health. The study shows how the brain creates a neural pathway between the septal area and amygdala when support-giving to specific people we know who are in need. The article concluded: “Giving targeted support to an identifiable individual or organization in need is uniquely associated with reduced amygdala activity thereby may lead to health.” In short, when we give time or money to charitable causes, it activates regions of the brain connected to pleasure and trust, which creates that “less-worried” feeling.

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”

—John Holmes

There will always be less worry in living more like Jesus the Christ. Jesus said in Luke 6:38 “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full-pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

There, now go work on that worry and turn your life into a grateful, prayerful, servant-hearted leader. That’s the life your Creator made to live.

Go in Peace, Chuck

A Simple Conversation that Matters

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AChuckAllen

I realize that I’m a bit odd. I mean, I know that I’m weird. First, I’m a pastor that works hard at attempting to be normal. Second, I am allergic to chit-chat. No, really! I would never say that I like chatting in the sense of getting together for no purpose other than a chat.

However, I greatly appreciate a conversation grounded in purpose. Purpose feels like an accomplishment, reasoning, debating, sharpening, or resolving.

That’s why I know that the following conversation is a double win for you and your friend, child, parent, or spouse. Maybe even all the above!

Build these three questions into your daily routine and watch how your relationships improve with each day that you engage your person (s) of choice.

1. Start with YOUR BEST: What’s the best thing that happened yesterday?

2. Then Tackle the Worst. What’s the worst that’s happened (or is happening) today?

3. Then Add Prayer. What can I specifically pray for you today?

Please be sure to keep it simple. Keep it very real. Keep it truthful. Once you commit to asking, be equally committed to answering. Here’s the essential element in this brief, personal, purposeful conversation – actually pray for them!

If you don’t have anyone to have this conversation with, let your prayer be that you’ll discover them this week. In the meantime, feel free to send me an email and answer these questions. I’ll reply with my answers and pray earnestly for you.

Go In Peace, Chuck

Need help? At Clear Path Counseling, we believe that reaching out for help is hard enough; finding it should be straightforward and simple. Just CLICK HERE and start your free assessment. You can finish your complimentary assessment in less than 10-minutes!

ClearPathCounseling.org

How’s Your MOB?

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AChuckAllen

I’m not writing about an unruly mob. I’m referring to an acrostic for M-O-B.

  • MARGIN IN YOUR LIFE
  • OWNERSHIP OF YOUR LIFE
  • BOUNDARIES AROUND YOUR LIFE

Oh, how I wish that I had learned the value of margin in my life 30 years ago! One of the most significant elements of a peace-filled, highly successful life is margin. We all need margin. We need margin emotionally, relationally, financially, professionally, physically, and spiritually. Margin allows us to be in sync with our families, realities, bodies, and possibilities. The only person that can build an appropriate margin for you is you. You know what you need. It would be best if you slowed down long enough to determine what adjustments are required to give you a helpful margin in every facet of your life.

We all must take ownership of all things that we can control. Owning what we can control requires two huge issues. Stop convincing yourself that you are a victim and surrendering your heart to your Creator. Ownership includes claiming what you can and should do to order your life. Surrendering is allowing the Spirit of God to give you direction and correction as you live each day to the fullest.

Margin, ownership, and then boundaries. Without boundaries, we don’t own our calendars, finances, or decisions. Without borders, other people own us and our dreams. Without limitations, we surrender our potential to others. Boundaries are critical to both margin and ownership. When we do not define our boundaries, we say yes to everything. Without boundaries, we overcommit, underdeliver, and stay frustrated with our schedules and ourselves. Boundaries protect us relationally and financially. Boundaries keep our feet out of our mouths. Boundaries keep our focus in the right place.

Without MOB, we all have the power to spin out of control, make poor decisions, and destroy relationships. It’s worth a few hours of your life to invest in creating your margin, ownership, and boundaries.

Peace, Chuck

3 Simple Ways to Make Your Day Better

by

AChuckAllen.com

It’s like a broken record. “How are you?” “ Good, I’m good.” “But how are you, really?”
“I’m tired, frustrated, anxious, and tired of being tired.”

Okay, now we are talking!

Here are three super simple ways to make today better.

1. Don’t watch or listen to the news on any outlet. The rants and verbal assaults have a way of sucking you into a vortex of negativity. Get outside, go for a walk, play cards, read, paint, anything but watch the news. Again, it doesn’t matter which outlet you prefer – avoid the news today! Science teaches us that nature can change our attitudes and thought patterns. Just go outside.

2. Determine to be nice to someone today. I don’t think you have to make a meal for someone or cut their grass. Just be determined to smile, say hello, tip well, or help someone by opening a door. Anything that allows your brain to tell your body, way to go! The science proves this is a no-brainer. If you want to have a better day, be intentionally nice. It’s not complicated. It costs nothing. Here’s the kicker – you are the winner!

3. Do two things out loud today. First, find a song you’ve liked for years, then sing it like you are on The Voice. I’m talking about singing as if you can really sing. Or better yet, sing it like you are in a duet with the original artist. Just sing one song out loud! Second, talk to the Divine – out loud. If you are angry with Him, tell Him. He can handle it. If you are fearful, tell Him. If you are grateful, tell Him. Just talk to your Creator as if He were right there with you – because He is. Speak with God out loud. I promise you that this conversation will change your day for good!

We all need a better day, so what do you have to lose?

  • Avoid negativity, especially when you can choose to.
  • Determine to be friendly, or at least nicer to those in your path.
  • Sing loud and proud.
  • Pray big, pray loud, pray sincerely – but pray, out loud.

May you and yours have a better day. And May you go throughout your day in peace.

—Chuck

Looking for in a Grace-Based Therapist

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by Julie Homrich, LPC

So you’re a follower of Jesus and you’re looking for a therapist.  You want someone who can both understand the source of your healing (God) but also empower you and operate from a professional perspective. Here are three things to look for in your search:

1. A grace-based Christian therapist values scripture… but does not weaponize it.  The use of scripture in counseling is meant to be helpful to the client.  Unfortunately, some well-meaning counselors tend to use scripture as a way to feel helpful themselves, throwing Bible verse bandaids on deep wounds that would be better served through more expansive spiritual and psychological surgery.  This leads clients to question the power of scripture because sometimes the solution is scripture AND counseling. 

Scripture is a very important piece of healing as a believer.  However, out of their own human desire to feel helpful and give answers, it can be tempting for helpers to repeatedly share scripture as a way to limit the pain instead of entering into the full, messy, sometimes unpredictable process of deep healing with the client. Ultimately, it’s important to seek the Holy Spirit in reflection to determine the right time for sharing scripture, the appropriate time to listen, and the right moment for psychological intervention.

2. Grace-based Christian therapists understand the difference between the source of healing and tools used in the process of healing. Secular counseling identifies the source of all healing as self-actualization. Grace-based counseling understands that we are co-creators in change, being prompted by the Holy Spirit and choosing to follow those leadings with the steps needed for psychological change. Secular counseling identifies an individual as body, soul, and spirit. Grace-based counseling does the same, but highlights the Holy Spirit’s power within us, redeeming and renewing our lives toward healing. However, both forms of counseling highlight that change is a choice, and faith-filled individuals must choose daily to unite their will with God’s will for their lives.

3. Grace-based Christian therapists seek to become aware of their tendency to engage in spiritual bypassing.  This is a term taught in many counseling programs, including faith-based ones. Spiritual bypassing is a “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues or psychological wounds” (John Wellwood). We all have a tendency toward spiritual bypassing because, as humans, we have an innate aversion to discomfort.  If a Christian Counselor tells you that your pain is a result of a “lack of faith” or that you just need to “pray more”, you are entering a spiritual bypassing experience.

Spiritual bypassing is, at its core, a defense mechanism, and all defense mechanisms are utilized as a way for us to keep emotional distance from pain or discomfort. The antidote to spiritual bypassing is spiritual embodiment, inviting Jesus into our pain instead of trying to explain it away without experiencing it.  In some cases, it’s hard to heal when you can’t feel, and Jesus models this for us as He entered into our human experience fully to redeem us from it.  We can invite Him into our pain, and struggling doesn’t make us any less of a Christian.  

If you’re looking for a trained professional to help you find a therapist who meets the above recommendations, take our simple, free assessment at http://www.clearpathcounseling.org. You’ll be connected to a professional who can help you determine what your counseling needs are and who is poised to meet them.

Julie