Achuckallen

Instigating Better

therapy

A Simple Conversation that Matters

by

AChuckAllen

I realize that I’m a bit odd. I mean, I know that I’m weird. First, I’m a pastor that works hard at attempting to be normal. Second, I am allergic to chit-chat. No, really! I would never say that I like chatting in the sense of getting together for no purpose other than a chat.

However, I greatly appreciate a conversation grounded in purpose. Purpose feels like an accomplishment, reasoning, debating, sharpening, or resolving.

That’s why I know that the following conversation is a double win for you and your friend, child, parent, or spouse. Maybe even all the above!

Build these three questions into your daily routine and watch how your relationships improve with each day that you engage your person (s) of choice.

1. Start with YOUR BEST: What’s the best thing that happened yesterday?

2. Then Tackle the Worst. What’s the worst that’s happened (or is happening) today?

3. Then Add Prayer. What can I specifically pray for you today?

Please be sure to keep it simple. Keep it very real. Keep it truthful. Once you commit to asking, be equally committed to answering. Here’s the essential element in this brief, personal, purposeful conversation – actually pray for them!

If you don’t have anyone to have this conversation with, let your prayer be that you’ll discover them this week. In the meantime, feel free to send me an email and answer these questions. I’ll reply with my answers and pray earnestly for you.

Go In Peace, Chuck

Need help? At Clear Path Counseling, we believe that reaching out for help is hard enough; finding it should be straightforward and simple. Just CLICK HERE and start your free assessment. You can finish your complimentary assessment in less than 10-minutes!

ClearPathCounseling.org

How’s Your MOB?

by

AChuckAllen

I’m not writing about an unruly mob. I’m referring to an acrostic for M-O-B.

  • MARGIN IN YOUR LIFE
  • OWNERSHIP OF YOUR LIFE
  • BOUNDARIES AROUND YOUR LIFE

Oh, how I wish that I had learned the value of margin in my life 30 years ago! One of the most significant elements of a peace-filled, highly successful life is margin. We all need margin. We need margin emotionally, relationally, financially, professionally, physically, and spiritually. Margin allows us to be in sync with our families, realities, bodies, and possibilities. The only person that can build an appropriate margin for you is you. You know what you need. It would be best if you slowed down long enough to determine what adjustments are required to give you a helpful margin in every facet of your life.

We all must take ownership of all things that we can control. Owning what we can control requires two huge issues. Stop convincing yourself that you are a victim and surrendering your heart to your Creator. Ownership includes claiming what you can and should do to order your life. Surrendering is allowing the Spirit of God to give you direction and correction as you live each day to the fullest.

Margin, ownership, and then boundaries. Without boundaries, we don’t own our calendars, finances, or decisions. Without borders, other people own us and our dreams. Without limitations, we surrender our potential to others. Boundaries are critical to both margin and ownership. When we do not define our boundaries, we say yes to everything. Without boundaries, we overcommit, underdeliver, and stay frustrated with our schedules and ourselves. Boundaries protect us relationally and financially. Boundaries keep our feet out of our mouths. Boundaries keep our focus in the right place.

Without MOB, we all have the power to spin out of control, make poor decisions, and destroy relationships. It’s worth a few hours of your life to invest in creating your margin, ownership, and boundaries.

Peace, Chuck

3 Simple Ways to Make Your Day Better

by

AChuckAllen.com

It’s like a broken record. “How are you?” “ Good, I’m good.” “But how are you, really?”
“I’m tired, frustrated, anxious, and tired of being tired.”

Okay, now we are talking!

Here are three super simple ways to make today better.

1. Don’t watch or listen to the news on any outlet. The rants and verbal assaults have a way of sucking you into a vortex of negativity. Get outside, go for a walk, play cards, read, paint, anything but watch the news. Again, it doesn’t matter which outlet you prefer – avoid the news today! Science teaches us that nature can change our attitudes and thought patterns. Just go outside.

2. Determine to be nice to someone today. I don’t think you have to make a meal for someone or cut their grass. Just be determined to smile, say hello, tip well, or help someone by opening a door. Anything that allows your brain to tell your body, way to go! The science proves this is a no-brainer. If you want to have a better day, be intentionally nice. It’s not complicated. It costs nothing. Here’s the kicker – you are the winner!

3. Do two things out loud today. First, find a song you’ve liked for years, then sing it like you are on The Voice. I’m talking about singing as if you can really sing. Or better yet, sing it like you are in a duet with the original artist. Just sing one song out loud! Second, talk to the Divine – out loud. If you are angry with Him, tell Him. He can handle it. If you are fearful, tell Him. If you are grateful, tell Him. Just talk to your Creator as if He were right there with you – because He is. Speak with God out loud. I promise you that this conversation will change your day for good!

We all need a better day, so what do you have to lose?

  • Avoid negativity, especially when you can choose to.
  • Determine to be friendly, or at least nicer to those in your path.
  • Sing loud and proud.
  • Pray big, pray loud, pray sincerely – but pray, out loud.

May you and yours have a better day. And May you go throughout your day in peace.

—Chuck

Looking for in a Grace-Based Therapist

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by Julie Homrich, LPC

So you’re a follower of Jesus and you’re looking for a therapist.  You want someone who can both understand the source of your healing (God) but also empower you and operate from a professional perspective. Here are three things to look for in your search:

1. A grace-based Christian therapist values scripture… but does not weaponize it.  The use of scripture in counseling is meant to be helpful to the client.  Unfortunately, some well-meaning counselors tend to use scripture as a way to feel helpful themselves, throwing Bible verse bandaids on deep wounds that would be better served through more expansive spiritual and psychological surgery.  This leads clients to question the power of scripture because sometimes the solution is scripture AND counseling. 

Scripture is a very important piece of healing as a believer.  However, out of their own human desire to feel helpful and give answers, it can be tempting for helpers to repeatedly share scripture as a way to limit the pain instead of entering into the full, messy, sometimes unpredictable process of deep healing with the client. Ultimately, it’s important to seek the Holy Spirit in reflection to determine the right time for sharing scripture, the appropriate time to listen, and the right moment for psychological intervention.

2. Grace-based Christian therapists understand the difference between the source of healing and tools used in the process of healing. Secular counseling identifies the source of all healing as self-actualization. Grace-based counseling understands that we are co-creators in change, being prompted by the Holy Spirit and choosing to follow those leadings with the steps needed for psychological change. Secular counseling identifies an individual as body, soul, and spirit. Grace-based counseling does the same, but highlights the Holy Spirit’s power within us, redeeming and renewing our lives toward healing. However, both forms of counseling highlight that change is a choice, and faith-filled individuals must choose daily to unite their will with God’s will for their lives.

3. Grace-based Christian therapists seek to become aware of their tendency to engage in spiritual bypassing.  This is a term taught in many counseling programs, including faith-based ones. Spiritual bypassing is a “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues or psychological wounds” (John Wellwood). We all have a tendency toward spiritual bypassing because, as humans, we have an innate aversion to discomfort.  If a Christian Counselor tells you that your pain is a result of a “lack of faith” or that you just need to “pray more”, you are entering a spiritual bypassing experience.

Spiritual bypassing is, at its core, a defense mechanism, and all defense mechanisms are utilized as a way for us to keep emotional distance from pain or discomfort. The antidote to spiritual bypassing is spiritual embodiment, inviting Jesus into our pain instead of trying to explain it away without experiencing it.  In some cases, it’s hard to heal when you can’t feel, and Jesus models this for us as He entered into our human experience fully to redeem us from it.  We can invite Him into our pain, and struggling doesn’t make us any less of a Christian.  

If you’re looking for a trained professional to help you find a therapist who meets the above recommendations, take our simple, free assessment at http://www.clearpathcounseling.org. You’ll be connected to a professional who can help you determine what your counseling needs are and who is poised to meet them.

Julie