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WHEN GRATITUDE EXITS, THE WRONG THINGS HIT THE FAN by Chuck Allen

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“Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift.
It liberates us from the prison of self–preoccupation.”

–John Ortberg

For years, I have been an evangelist of gratitude. Not because I live a Pollyanna, positive-thinking lifestyle, but because of what intentional gratitude did to change my very existence.

I’ve written extensively about my consistent struggle with depression and emotional health. That’s not my point today. It is, however, a reminder that in a world where recent polls show that, “Mental illnesses are among the most common health conditions in the United States. More than 50% will be diagnosed with a mental illness or disorder at some point in their lifetime. 1 in 5 Americans will experience a mental illness in a given year,” we need a proactive reframing of our present conditions.

In a recent article entitled “Causes of Depression,” the following were the leading factors in a person experiencing the many varying degrees of this often debilitating emotion:

  • Abuse. Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can make you more vulnerable to depression later in life.
  • Age. People who are elderly are at higher risk of depression. That can be made worse by other factors, such as living alone and having a lack of social support.
  • Certain medications. Some drugs, such as isotretinoin (used to treat acne), the antiviral drug interferon-alpha, and corticosteroids, can increase your risk of depression.
  • Conflict. Depression in someone who has the biological vulnerability to it may result from personal conflicts or disputes with family members or friends.
  • Death or a loss. Sadness or grief after the death or loss of a loved one, though natural, can increase the risk of depression.
  • Gender. Women are about twice as likely as men to become depressed. No one’s sure why. The hormonal changes that women go through at different times of their lives may play a role.
  • Genes. A family history of depression may increase the risk. It’s thought that depression is a complex trait, meaning there are probably many different genes that each exert small effects, rather than a single gene that contributes to disease risk. The genetics of depression, like most psychiatric disorders, are not as simple or straightforward as in purely genetic diseases such as Huntington’s chorea or cystic fibrosis.
  • Major events. Even good events such as starting a new job, graduating, or getting married can lead to depression. So can moving, losing a job or income, getting divorced, or retiring. However, the syndrome of clinical depression is never just a “normal” response to stressful life events.
  • Other personal problems. Problems such as social isolation due to other mental illnesses or being cast out of a family or social group can contribute to the risk of developing clinical depression.
  • Serious illnesses. Sometimes, depression happens along with a major illness or may be triggered by another medical condition.
  • Substance misuse. Nearly 30% of people with substance misuse problems also have major or clinical depression. Even if drugs or alcohol temporarily make you feel better, they ultimately will aggravate depression.

Holy Cow! After reading through that list, you realize that we are all candidates for experiencing some measure of depression – especially during the holidays!

Let me be clear. Significant depression requires professional care. If you are in the state of Georgia and you are living the challenge of depression, please reach our to ClearPath Counseling. The team of therapists and counselors at ClearPath are the best in the business, and they desire to help you make finding and receiving assistance simple and affordable.

In the meantime, we all could benefit from the emotional, physical and spiritual benefits of creating a simple and sustainable system of INTENTIONAL GRATITUDE in our daily lives. here’s why:

Before I even touch on the spiritual benefits, read these quotes from the National Alliance for Mental Illness.

“…. many studies over the past decade have found that people who consciously count their blessings tend to be happier and less depressed….” Learn more from Gratitude Changes You And Your Brain (Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine).

In a study, “one group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on them being positive or negative). After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.” Learn more from Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier (Harvard Health)

“There’s a growing body of research on the benefits of gratitude. Studies have found that giving thanks and counting blessings can help people sleep better, lower stress and improve interpersonal relationships….” Learn more from If You Feel Thankful, Write It Down. It’s Good For Your Health (NPR)

“A large study conducted by Virginia Commonwealth University showed that thankfulness predicted a significantly lower risk of major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, phobia, nicotine dependence, alcohol dependence and drug abuse….” Learn more from When Looking for Happiness, Find Gratitude, Gratitude (NAMI)

“…. experiments have shown that people whole partake in the “three good things” exercise — which, as the name suggests, prompts people to think of three good moments or things that happened that day — see considerable improvements in depression and overall happiness, sometimes in as little as a couple weeks….” Learn more from 7 Surprising Health Benefits of Gratitude (Time)

Just a reminder that none of these quoted sources are exactly bastions of spiritual health.

Gratitude, my friends, is a significant theme in the Bible. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 in the NLT is pretty clear:
Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Did you read that? Give thanks in all circumstances. Thankfulness should be a way of life for us, naturally flowing from our hearts and mouths. And when it is, it has the power to reshape our emotions and hearts each day.

It is pretty significant that Paul doesn’t tell us to give thanks for everything. The preposition used is the Greek en, which is translated by the English preposition in. Paul isn’t saying that we must be thankful for the difficulties we encounter; instead, he is challenging us to be grateful in any circumstance. Paul recognized that the secret of peace, joy, and contentment isn’t found in circumstances. Instead, there is peace, joy, and contentment is directly found in recognizing it is Christ who strengthens us for whatever we might face.

I once thought that this was simply a mindset issue. That I could simply try harder to think more thankfully, or positively. That is simple hogwash. A growing body of research shows that writing down (physically) what you are grateful for can lower stress, help you sleep better, and may even reduce the risk of heart disease. Write it down!

When I started writing down – every single day – the three things that I am grateful for, my life started to radically improve. I was far more engaged with God, and He was obvious in sharing with me, His pleasure. I was calmer, more contented, less stressful, and a far better human to live and work with – far better!

I use a simple, sustainable system. I write on a plain 3×5 card each day three things I am grateful for that morning. It takes less than one minute. Be real, not super-spiritual. My thre this morning were quite real;
1) I finally got my new iPhone – love it.
2) My 12 year-old car is super clean and filled with fuel – woo-hoo!
3) God answered a significant prayer this week and I am so stinking grateful!

It’s not hard – Just three things that come to the top of your mind – Do not overthink it!

I then capture 4-5 qualities (adjectives) that describe the person I think God is asking me to be or become today. My examples from this morning included, SIMPLE, TRUTH-FILLED, APPRECIATIVE, HELPFUL, QUIETER. Some change often and some stay around a week or more. Again, don’t overthink it!

I them write a short scripture that I am attempting to memorize during the week (Sun-Sat).

That’s it! In total, I spend less than 5-minutes on this exercise. I’ve been at this for years now. And here is the good news.

I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE CONTENT, FULFILLED, PEACEFUL, AND HAPPY in my entire life. I know for a fact that putting intentional gratitude into my daily routine changed everything. I have had the privilege of helping a lot of people do the same, and every one of us can give you the same story – IT JUST WORKS!

In a world and a season that id fraught with anxiety, stress, weariness, and depression, you have everything to gain with this sustainable practice is proven scientifically, psychologically, and spiritually to greatly improve your life.

GET AFTER GRATITUDE!

“The greatest source of happiness is the ability to be grateful at all times.”

-ZIG ZIGLAR

Go in Peace & Gratitude, Chuck

ASLAN COACHING: Helping people build balance, purpose, and peace into their lives by instigating a better way to approach the challenges of todays hectic, stress-filled pace!
For information on how Aslan Coaching can help you,
send an email to chuck@aslancoaching.com

How Should We Respond to Crisis?

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AChuckAllen | Monday, August 1, 2022

Every week we are bombarded with another crisis. A school shooting, mass shooting, flood, fire, riot, shortage, war, and the hits keep coming.

How can we respond to these crises without remaining angry, bitter, or hardened? How do we hear about more crises without growing jaded or curled up in anxiety? Fair questions for a country that regularly finds its way into trouble.

As a pastor, coach, and counselor, I’ve learned four things that we can all do to respond appropriately to the next crisis.

  1. DON’T CATASTROPHIZE THE CRISIS
    Fight hard not to let your mind convince you that things are far worse than they are. If we aren’t careful, our brain will convince us that we are like our preferred news outlet. We can be so active in telling ourselves that the sky is falling everywhere. We can make every crisis our crisis. Yes, we should be concerned, moved, and burdened, but you cannot own and exasperate every situation. My friend Julie Homrich would say, “don’t believe everything you think.”
  2. ACTIVELY LISTEN
    In most crises, loud voices point fingers, find fault and politicize the situation. Friends, this is not how to help or how to respond. There is a reason our Creator gave us two ears and one mouth. The single best way to respond to a crisis is to exercise your capacity to listen actively. Yes, affirm your connection to those affected. Affirm their heartache or pain, but at all costs, hush and let them speak. Let them find solace in your presence without your words. Keep this in mind. If you don’t know what to say, please don’t throw a catchphrase or random Bible. Verse their way. Just be there and listen. It’s okay to have a ministry of presence. While meeting the wonderful people of Uvalde, Texas, I heard, over and over again, “you are the only people asking us what we need.” In most points of crisis, words are cheap. Listening is golden.
  3. PRAY AND THEN PRAY SOME MORE
    We Americans are such activity-based people. When a hurricane happens, we get out the chain saws and wet vacs. When a shooting happens, we tend to do the same thing. What in the world? Prayer should never be seen as the last resort. Prayer is the single most extraordinary power on earth and requires zero travel! The minute you see or hear of a crisis, start praying. I’ll never forget seeing a horrific auto crash and hopping out of my truck to see if I could help. I got to the driver and realized they were already in the process of bleeding out. An incredible EMT jumped in, and I started praying for this mom out loud in the middle of highway 78. At that moment, the single greatest thing I knew to do was to PRAY! Before I finished, there were more than 20 people that had gathered around and, in their way, joined me in praying. Five days later, I got word that this dear lady had lost her leg, but she had her life and her toddler in the backseat. Prayer works! Pray, and then pray some more!
  4. ACT WITH GRACE AND SERVE WITH HUMILITY Determine not to join the fray and jump on the whiner train. Here is an equation from my friend Brad Rhoads, “Grace + Intentionality = Transformation” grace extends forgiveness and continuously extends a benefit of the doubt. Grace doesn’t blame. It smooths. And here is an authentic truth – WHEN WE EXTEND GRACE, WE SERVE OTHERS WITH HUMILITY!” According to the poster child of humility, Mother Teresa, this is what humility looks like: These are the few ways we can practice humility:
  • To speak as little as possible of one’s self.
  • To mind one’s own business.
  • Not to want to manage other people’s affairs.
  • To avoid busy-body curiosity.
  • To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.
  • To pass over the mistakes of others.
  • To accept insults and injuries.
  • To accept being slighted, forgotten, and disliked.
  • To be kind and gentle even under provocation.
  • Never stand on one’s dignity.
  • To choose is always the hardest. And best.

The evil in this world will continue to be a struggle from now until we reach Heaven’s gates. We will have minimal power over what they might be or where they will happen, but how we act and react to crises is entirely within our power.

Let us be a people that act and react in and through crises with grace, decency, and kindness. The world has a widening depletion of women and men that will respond in love. If we want to improve this world, let us act in these four areas.

Go in Peace, Chuck

I Might Be Wrong, But I Doubt It WHY AMERICA IS IN TROUBLE

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AChuckAllen.com July 28, 2022

Nope! This is not a bash America, pro any political party, point fingers, and play the blame game article. This is a hard look at where we are as a nation and what we can each do to make this place better than the way we found it. But to be clear, I love America. I am proud to be an American. But we can be and are better than the America we are living and portraying today.

Here are my I MIGHT BE WRONG, BUT I DOUBT IT thoughts for this week

I really do not think that the problems reside in Washington DC. I do not think that the primary issues at hand are about party platforms, progressives or conservatives, or right and lefts. I do however believe that we have a very real problem within our two-party system. I’ve written plenty about my beef with both donkeys and elephants. But they are simple-minded, easy targets. The problems run much deeper than those issues. You pick the party and you will find plenty to gripe about and find fault in – either way, every day. So where then is the problem? Because if we can address the problem, we can discover solutions. We solved talking to people around the globe with a piece of plastic the size of our palm. We have sent people to the moon, split atoms, and cooked in air fryers. Come on. How hard can it be to determine the problem and create solutions?

As it turns out, pretty dang hard! Because the problems with America are people problems, not platform and party problems. Here are two problematic areas of American life, and a few potential solutions.

SELFISH LEADERSHIP

Every study, poll, and experiment points to one fact that is true in every organization, team, or industry. The fact is that servant leaders are the leaders that change the world. Servant leaders are the people that others want to follow. Servant leaders are people that change the temperature of the world. These are people that put others in front of themselves, help others succeed, and revel in seeing someone other than themselves achieve great things. Servant leaders aren’t about pumping up their private brand, they are about making a difference in this world.

Sadly, we elevate those that talk loudest and longest and those that seek the spotlight, not the Light of the World. The real problem is that we continue to elect, hire, and celebrate these folks. The solutions may seem simple, right? But they aren’t. Like all sincere issues in this life, the closer we get to the problem, the more complex the solution. But in this case, I’d like to offer three difficult, but attainable solutions.

  1. Take a hard look in the mirror and search deep within your soul. Are you that person? I hate to admit it, but I have been and at times, still am that person. The solution is to stop comparing ourselves to others and compare ourselves to our Creator and the design He has within each of us. Simply talk to the Divine and ask for Him to search your heart, point out every selfish attitude or habit. Ask Him to replace them with His wisdom and His will/way, and watch the changes that start in your life. My experience is that when I get less selfish, I get more peaceful and more productive. Funny how that works, huh?
  2. Choose every day to give a part of you away. Your kindness, your money, your time, your attitude. Whatever you do, become a leader that lives with open hands. The stress will melt away, and the view of the rest of the world will radically change in just 2 weeks of daily servant leadership. I promise!
  3. Stop complaining about everybody else and their leadership. Get your attitudes in check and your heart in line first and foremost. It’s not fun. It’s not easy. It is necessary. Make servant leadership personal, because it is radically contagious.

When Jesus and His disciples came to the town of Capernaum, He asked them about a dispute they had on the way. They were arguing about who would be the greatest, and Jesus took the opportunity to speak about true leadership — the concept of servant leadership.

And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”

Mark 9:35

But what is servant leadership? The concept isn’t fully defined in Jesus’ words or any other simple phrase. It is, however, illustrated and illuminated in Jesus’ life and ministry, and that’s where we should start if we want to become a more impactful leader. By studying other godly men and women who demonstrated the core qualities of a servant leader, you can better appreciate their triumphs and struggles, as well as your own.

I might be wrong, but I doubt it.

THE ALMIGHTY BRAND

In Ulvalde, Texas this past week I experienced something odd. I stood at the memorial in the city park and at the site of Robb Elementary School and saw the outpouring of thousands of individuals. I saw banners and stuffed animals. I saw crosses and flowers. When I spoke with leaders and city workers I heard story after story of companies and non-profits trying to show up and “do something.” I heard of organizations wanting to burn sgae around the city, bikers wanting to “just be there,” and people with chain saws wanting to cut things down. My goodness, such an outpouring of folks wanting to do what they wanted to do.

The one thing I heard a lot of is, “nobody has really asked us what we need.”

It isn’t just Uvalde, or the places of crisis around the world, it is everywhere. Doing good is good for business is a new marketing ploy. Just pay attention to the organizations whose commercials are focused on the “good that they do” while watching any media outlet. It is reportedly 50% of ad space these days.

My point isn’t that they aren’t doing good. It is that they are doing good, BUT, does the good have to come with the obligatory photo opp? I’m not immune from this. Heck, I’m actually writing an article, under my name about this. But, can we not treat needy people and crisis as opportunities to grab a pic for the sake of telling the world what we did? Again, guilty as charged right here, but I felt guilty and sick about even snapping pics at the hallowed ground of Robb Elementary. As for me and our team, we will not be on a promotion tour. We will be the peeps in the dust and sweat, and hopefully nobody there sees us as a people seeking another photo opp on the backs of their burdens and grief.

I realize we have to raise awareness, and money to do some good, but folks the pushing of our brands is in the way of making people our priority. The brand shouldn’t be the key figure here. It should be the motivation to serve, to help, to give and to go. Without fanfare, credit, or photo opp.

A few years ago, I was with a group of folks helping serve a local ministry cooperative. These folks had been toiling for about four hours. They were tired, having worked a full day and then giving there time to serve. No t-shirts, no photo opps, just good people doing good work. Another organization came in about the time these servant leaders were taking a ten minute coffee break with bright yellow t-shirts with there brand emblazoned upon them and said, “let’s get this done.” They burst on the scene, made a mess of what was being done. Stayed 45 minutes, huddled for a photo opp, pushed the others out of the way (quite literally) and left in a blaze of glory.

It’s typically more subtle than that, but the almighty brand has replaced the intention of doing the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason. And it sickens me.

And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.

James 4:3

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

Philippians 2:3

I might be wrong, but I doubt it.

I’d love to hear from you. Email me HERE.

Go in Peace, Chuck

Three Ways to Eliminate Worry

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AChuckAllen.com July 19, 2022

We all have moments in our life when we are worried, even fretful. But we live at such light speed that worry has become our national pastime.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.”

Corrie ten Boom

From the resurgence of COVID (which I am experiencing as I write this) to the vast unrest in the world, there’s a lot to worry about right now. The truth is that worrying does nothing to change the outcome. Absolutely nothing! It just keeps you stuck in a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness and stress. But negative thoughts are part of our biology and while you may not be able to stop them from happening, you can learn to stop them in their tracks. Some solutions help you deal with them.

1. STATE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO

We have heard so much about simply changing our mindset about stress and worry, but I’d like to offer what I believe to be a better alternative. What if we shift the context to deal with the fear, or worry in another way. It’s a new term I learned last month – recontextualization, which is the skill of describing a condition and circumstances in a way that gives you an empowering reality.

Worry often occurs when we are trying something new, and the stakes feel really big. As a result, this worry we feel is founded in the fear of running the show. And the way to get back to positivity and away from negative emotions is through extreme negativity– yikes!

Many, maybe most of us have been taught about the modern positivity movement, including me. I’ve discovered that positivity alone is not sustainable. Instead, we can implement an aspect of realism and deal with things logically and sensibly. The process is super-simple and wildly empowering to your soul.

Matthew Ferry, the author of Quiet Mind, Epic Life, gives a name to the negative voice in your head, your “drunk monkey” mind. “It thinks it’s psychic and can predict the future,” he explains. “Turns out, the drunk monkey only predicts negative futures.”

So, we need to confront this so-called drunk monkey. But how? Well, thanks for asking. Start by writing out the negative future you’re afraid of. Then create a plan of what to do if worst happens. Most folks write out the worried about situation and then make a plan to avoid it. But this only keeps the worry in place. Instead, be completely negative and make a plan for the worst. Don’t give up on me just yet! By doing this, You’ll create a neutral perspective and a sense of peace. If the worst happens, you’ll know what do. This takes the drunk monkey out of consideration and opens your mental state for less worry. BOOM!

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”

Proverbs 12:25

2. PRAY OUTLOUD

No, I’m not kidding! I’m a pastor for goodness sake. I have seen prayer work thousands of times. I’ve seen it work physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve seen storms calmed, people healed, and children return home. I’ve seen marriages restored and relationships recovered. Yes, PRAY!

But here is the key. Pray and pray more. As the Bible teaches, “pray without ceasing.” pray specifically and pray with faith. The Divine promises to hear you, and He will respond in such a way that is for your good and His glory.

But please remember this. The Divine does not keep time as we do. He is not motivated by the same clock that we are. There is a reason that His ways are higher than ours. But you can trust Him in all ways, on all days. Pray, then pray some more.

But you might ask, “why should I pray out loud?” Here are two great reasons to pray out loud.

1. External declarations can change your internal dialogue. When we pray for things out loud, we change our inner dialogue and perspective. Praying things like, “Jesus, I know that You are enough” or “God, I know that You are greater than my grief” will build your faith and help change how you view things. I know this is true in my life.

2. Keeps you focused. Jesus reminds us, “Our spirit might be willing, but our flesh is weak.” If you’re prone to wandering during prayer, like me, praying out loud will help you remain focused. You’re more likely to stay in your zone with God through prayer when your brain listens to what your mouth is saying.

Then, ask others to pray for you. I genuinely feel like the simple act of humility of asking people to pray for you is one step in the right direction, no matter the scenario. PRAY!

3. Practice Gratitude and Generosity

Gratitude is something that we should practice daily, worry or no worry. Gratitude makes us aware of all the good things in our lives that we usually take for granted. I’ve written and said this at least 1,000 times – here’s to 1,001 – When you are grateful for what you have, what you have is more than enough!

Worry can make you feel sad. Things may seem amiss. How can you practice gratitude when you’re upset with everything that’s going on in your life? When you stop focusing on the things that are haywire and start looking at the little things that make your life worth living, you slowly experience a shift in attitude. Your general outlook towards life changes, making you a happier human. This happiness, in turn, helps relieve worry and eventually improves your overall mental health.

If you’re suffering from worry, you’re not alone. Worry and anxiety affect more than 18% of the United States population yearly. When you are fretful, it isn’t easy to find things you are thankful for. But trust me, they’re there.

Study after study has proven that gratitude increases neural modulation in the brain, in the prefrontal cortex, which regulates negative emotions. It also activates dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for making you feel good. The result is instant happiness, prompting you to engage in this practice repeatedly. Get grateful – get less worried.

By acknowledging that there are things in your life to be grateful for, you realize that your worries are irrational, and don’t deserve so much of your attention. This will ease worry and allow you to do the things you had been holding yourself back from doing. It seems like it’s worth a shot, right – dealing with worry and becoming a better human at the same time?

I’m convinced that if you write down three things you are grateful for every day, you will chase worry away!

Then activate generosity. Generosity is the natural response to gratitude. It might be time, money, service, or kindness. It might be a better attitude or offering a benefit of the doubt. Generosity can take on many different forms.

It sounds so simple. And it is, really. Generosity is good for our souls. It’s good for our mental, spiritual and physical health. According to an article in Medical News Today, “Humans thrive off social connections and benefit when they act in the service of others’ well-being.” Studying the brain, they discovered a direct correlation to targeted giving that impacts health. The study shows how the brain creates a neural pathway between the septal area and amygdala when support-giving to specific people we know who are in need. The article concluded: “Giving targeted support to an identifiable individual or organization in need is uniquely associated with reduced amygdala activity thereby may lead to health.” In short, when we give time or money to charitable causes, it activates regions of the brain connected to pleasure and trust, which creates that “less-worried” feeling.

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”

—John Holmes

There will always be less worry in living more like Jesus the Christ. Jesus said in Luke 6:38 “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full-pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

There, now go work on that worry and turn your life into a grateful, prayerful, servant-hearted leader. That’s the life your Creator made to live.

Go in Peace, Chuck

A BETTER WAY TO THINK

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Chuck Allen – July 12, 2022

If you are like me, most of the world Is driving you bat-crazy right now. Wars, shootings, inflation, politics, and the hits just keep on coming! If we aren’t careful, we will find ourselves balled up In a fetal position, cowering under the weight of anxiety, worry, and depression. I’d like to offer a bit of assistance, If I may?

In my counseling and coaching of people from all walks of life, I have narrowed down the basic challenges to three big, and I emphasize BIG buckets.

  1. EXPECTATIONS
  2. CONTROL
  3. BINARY THOUGHT

There are hundreds of other buckets. I’m sure, but these three seem to rise to the surface – regularly. Let’s take a look at each of them with a healthy dose of common sense.

  1. EXPECTATIONS

    No doubt, we all have expectations, not only about ourselves but of others as well. The great challenge is how we manage those expectations. If your expectation Is that you are always going to make a good decision, you are setting yourself up for a huge sense of failure. I read the other day that, on average, we humans (adults) are batting about like Major League Baseball players – .300. That means that, again, on average, we are making a poor decision two-thirds of the time. Holy Cow! But don’t be too hard on yourself. That’s a Major League All-Star stat! We might need to reset expectations on ourselves and extend a bit of grace when It comes to our decisions. We are fallible people living in a fallen world. That simply means that we are and do make mistakes – regularly. The key here is that It is true for all of us. We just find It easier to point out when other people show themselves to be fallible. OUCH!

    The cure? Don’t expect less, simply receive and extend more grace. Recognize that you are not and never will be perfect. That nobody else Is, either, and that the world Is challenging enough without striving for the Impossible. Go ahead and Improve your decision batting average a bit, but recognize your “Mendoza line.” When we see through the lens that allows effort to result in some failure, we can see past failure and look into the eyes of success. It’s all about expectations.
  2. CONTROL

    Holy Cow! This one is my kryptonite! I love the thought that I can control my life and the circumstances around It. But It ends there. It’s a thought, not a reality! The vast majority of our reality Is not within our control, but 100% of how we respond to It is under our total control!

    If we spend the bulk of our time fretting over what Is outside of our control, we will definitely become part of the problem and offer no solution. We will find ourselves with significantly limiting beliefs that force us Into anxiety, unhealthy attitudes, behaviors, and in many cases, depression.

    Here Is a case In point – You cannot control the Russian attack on Ukraine. To spend your energy worrying about it does nothing good for the people affected or yourself. So, drop the limiting belief that you can do everything or nothing, engage in prayer, and/or provide relief through the many ways that you can do so. Here’s another one – You cannot change the price of gas, but you can manage when, where, and how you travel. Inconvenient, sure! Ridiculous, yes! Within your power to correct – NO! But how you respond to it is the Issue! Friends, much of this life Is not within our control, but let us be people that can understand our attitude toward all of life’s challenges is the bigger Issue!
  3. BINARY THOUGHT

    Binary thinking, also known as dichotomous thinking, happens when even complex concepts, ideas, and problems are overly simplified into being one side or another. The gray area in the middle is ignored or goes unnoticed. Binary thinking helps us feel a sense of certainty. Certainty is as silly as control, in most cases. But we love certainty. It makes us feel right, correct, and certain! Many of us are dying a slow death from certainty.

    In our world, we find that binary thoughts are pervasive at every level. You have to be against something if you are for something. But can’t there be other alternative thoughts, actions, attitudes, and resolutions than just this or that? Apparently not! It seems as though we are Incapable of being culturally moderate, even liberal, and remain fiscally conservative, and yet I know plenty of friends who feel that way. It seems that you cannot simply believe in other solutions If the masses believe in “their way.” Come on man! Sorry – I couldn’t help myself.

    It seems that we have forgotten that much of this life, we will never understand. Isn’t that okay? Do we have to feel certain to live at peace? This belief that we must have to pick sides in every part of life Is non-sensical!

    I can be a Republican or Democrat without endorsing every part of the party platform. I can be a Christian and disagree with other Christians. I can choose to be gracious and forgiving when what seems to be an entire world, tells me otherwise! Friends, you are not black, white, or brown. You are people, made in the image of your Creator. You do not have to be certain, controlling, or relegated to simple-minded this or that thought patterns. We must stop acting like the algorithms used on social media and shopping sites. Stop seeking advice and weaponized thoughts from everyone that simply agrees with you. Think and discover your own convictions and grey areas. Drop the belief that everything must be this way or that way, embrace the middle ground, and see how much more peaceful your life Is!

The world is a complex place, filled with complex challenges and people. Don’t make it more challenging by buying the lie that your expectations, control, and binary thoughts have to decide your peace and freedom. Move beyond these limiting beliefs and experience a bit of grace, mercy, and wellness.

Go In Peace, Chuck

Happy People Don’t Do These 4 Things

by

AChuckAllen

It seems odd to suggest that in this world, you can accelerate happiness in your life. But you actually can create a sense of peace and genuine happiness within your soul if you so desire. If that’s the case, then why are so many people unhappy?

In a recent article from Discovery Magazine, I read the following; “The richest countries are not happiest, the healthiest countries are not always the happiest. The happiest countries are the ones who do have the highest levels of a whole range of things,” says John Helliwell, an editor of The World Happiness Report and professor emeritus of the Vancouver School of Economics. “They include, especially, a willingness to trust each other to work for each other and to come together in times of difficulty.”

From that and our everyday life experiences, we know this to be true. I’ve heard from countless people that “money can’t buy happiness.” Or my favorite, “stuff can only make you temporarily happy.”

I’ve written plenty of things you can do to increase your happiness, but here are four things that genuinely happy people DON’T DO.

  1. Genuinely Happy People Don’t Compare Themselves to Others. Eckhart Tolle once said, “Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love — you have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.” Staying in comparison mode will rob you of the lovely soul that the Divine created to be you. God made no mistake when you were created. Every molecule that helps make you the incredible, fantastic you are unique, and wonderful has a purpose that only you can deliver into this world. To compare your awesomeness is a discredit to both you and God. You know what you’re worth, right? Happy folks do because they don’t seek validation outside of themselves. Happy people understand that it comes from a sense of self-awareness — in their way.
  2. Genuinely Happy People Aren’t Selfish, They Serve Others. Every study on the planet proves this to be true. Give a bit of your time, your skill, your kindness, and yourself, and watch happiness wash into your soul. A Chinese saying goes: “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” Our passion should be the foundation for our serving others. It is not how much we give away but how much love we put into giving it. It should not be simply a matter of choosing the right thing, but also the importance of deciding what is suitable for us. God said that He loves a cheerful giver. Like all of life…it’s a matter of our hearts.
  3. Genuinely Happy People Aren’t Rigid. Every time I meet a happy person, I seem to discover this truth – they are naturally flexible. If I could add one piece of scripture to the New Testament, I’d add another Beatitude to Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. When we remain flexible, we remain less stressed and less anxious. Hence, we are happier. Staying fixed in our certainty can steal the happiness from our soul. Discover the joy and margin found in your flexibility. My addition? Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
  4. Genuinely Happy People Guard Their Yes and No. Happiness is often connected to having a margin in our calendar and schedule. When we say yes to everyone and everything, we might be fueling an addiction to please people. I’ve discovered that this addiction is as powerful as alcohol, cocaine, or nicotine. Without guarding our yes and no answers, we give away our margin, grow frustrated with others, and punish both ourselves and those we love. If you want to choose happiness, guard your yes, and no’s.

Don’t settle for temporal happiness when you were created for meaningful, purposeful, and eternal happiness. Get grounded in your faith, your family, and your community. Then stop comparing yourself to anybody, give yourself away, get flexible, and guard your yes and no.

Peace, Chuck