Achuckallen

Instigating Better

anxiety

Three Ways to Eliminate Worry

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AChuckAllen.com July 19, 2022

We all have moments in our life when we are worried, even fretful. But we live at such light speed that worry has become our national pastime.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.”

Corrie ten Boom

From the resurgence of COVID (which I am experiencing as I write this) to the vast unrest in the world, there’s a lot to worry about right now. The truth is that worrying does nothing to change the outcome. Absolutely nothing! It just keeps you stuck in a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness and stress. But negative thoughts are part of our biology and while you may not be able to stop them from happening, you can learn to stop them in their tracks. Some solutions help you deal with them.

1. STATE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO

We have heard so much about simply changing our mindset about stress and worry, but I’d like to offer what I believe to be a better alternative. What if we shift the context to deal with the fear, or worry in another way. It’s a new term I learned last month – recontextualization, which is the skill of describing a condition and circumstances in a way that gives you an empowering reality.

Worry often occurs when we are trying something new, and the stakes feel really big. As a result, this worry we feel is founded in the fear of running the show. And the way to get back to positivity and away from negative emotions is through extreme negativity– yikes!

Many, maybe most of us have been taught about the modern positivity movement, including me. I’ve discovered that positivity alone is not sustainable. Instead, we can implement an aspect of realism and deal with things logically and sensibly. The process is super-simple and wildly empowering to your soul.

Matthew Ferry, the author of Quiet Mind, Epic Life, gives a name to the negative voice in your head, your “drunk monkey” mind. “It thinks it’s psychic and can predict the future,” he explains. “Turns out, the drunk monkey only predicts negative futures.”

So, we need to confront this so-called drunk monkey. But how? Well, thanks for asking. Start by writing out the negative future you’re afraid of. Then create a plan of what to do if worst happens. Most folks write out the worried about situation and then make a plan to avoid it. But this only keeps the worry in place. Instead, be completely negative and make a plan for the worst. Don’t give up on me just yet! By doing this, You’ll create a neutral perspective and a sense of peace. If the worst happens, you’ll know what do. This takes the drunk monkey out of consideration and opens your mental state for less worry. BOOM!

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”

Proverbs 12:25

2. PRAY OUTLOUD

No, I’m not kidding! I’m a pastor for goodness sake. I have seen prayer work thousands of times. I’ve seen it work physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve seen storms calmed, people healed, and children return home. I’ve seen marriages restored and relationships recovered. Yes, PRAY!

But here is the key. Pray and pray more. As the Bible teaches, “pray without ceasing.” pray specifically and pray with faith. The Divine promises to hear you, and He will respond in such a way that is for your good and His glory.

But please remember this. The Divine does not keep time as we do. He is not motivated by the same clock that we are. There is a reason that His ways are higher than ours. But you can trust Him in all ways, on all days. Pray, then pray some more.

But you might ask, “why should I pray out loud?” Here are two great reasons to pray out loud.

1. External declarations can change your internal dialogue. When we pray for things out loud, we change our inner dialogue and perspective. Praying things like, “Jesus, I know that You are enough” or “God, I know that You are greater than my grief” will build your faith and help change how you view things. I know this is true in my life.

2. Keeps you focused. Jesus reminds us, “Our spirit might be willing, but our flesh is weak.” If you’re prone to wandering during prayer, like me, praying out loud will help you remain focused. You’re more likely to stay in your zone with God through prayer when your brain listens to what your mouth is saying.

Then, ask others to pray for you. I genuinely feel like the simple act of humility of asking people to pray for you is one step in the right direction, no matter the scenario. PRAY!

3. Practice Gratitude and Generosity

Gratitude is something that we should practice daily, worry or no worry. Gratitude makes us aware of all the good things in our lives that we usually take for granted. I’ve written and said this at least 1,000 times – here’s to 1,001 – When you are grateful for what you have, what you have is more than enough!

Worry can make you feel sad. Things may seem amiss. How can you practice gratitude when you’re upset with everything that’s going on in your life? When you stop focusing on the things that are haywire and start looking at the little things that make your life worth living, you slowly experience a shift in attitude. Your general outlook towards life changes, making you a happier human. This happiness, in turn, helps relieve worry and eventually improves your overall mental health.

If you’re suffering from worry, you’re not alone. Worry and anxiety affect more than 18% of the United States population yearly. When you are fretful, it isn’t easy to find things you are thankful for. But trust me, they’re there.

Study after study has proven that gratitude increases neural modulation in the brain, in the prefrontal cortex, which regulates negative emotions. It also activates dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for making you feel good. The result is instant happiness, prompting you to engage in this practice repeatedly. Get grateful – get less worried.

By acknowledging that there are things in your life to be grateful for, you realize that your worries are irrational, and don’t deserve so much of your attention. This will ease worry and allow you to do the things you had been holding yourself back from doing. It seems like it’s worth a shot, right – dealing with worry and becoming a better human at the same time?

I’m convinced that if you write down three things you are grateful for every day, you will chase worry away!

Then activate generosity. Generosity is the natural response to gratitude. It might be time, money, service, or kindness. It might be a better attitude or offering a benefit of the doubt. Generosity can take on many different forms.

It sounds so simple. And it is, really. Generosity is good for our souls. It’s good for our mental, spiritual and physical health. According to an article in Medical News Today, “Humans thrive off social connections and benefit when they act in the service of others’ well-being.” Studying the brain, they discovered a direct correlation to targeted giving that impacts health. The study shows how the brain creates a neural pathway between the septal area and amygdala when support-giving to specific people we know who are in need. The article concluded: “Giving targeted support to an identifiable individual or organization in need is uniquely associated with reduced amygdala activity thereby may lead to health.” In short, when we give time or money to charitable causes, it activates regions of the brain connected to pleasure and trust, which creates that “less-worried” feeling.

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”

—John Holmes

There will always be less worry in living more like Jesus the Christ. Jesus said in Luke 6:38 “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full-pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

There, now go work on that worry and turn your life into a grateful, prayerful, servant-hearted leader. That’s the life your Creator made to live.

Go in Peace, Chuck

THREE WAYS TO BEAT THE MONDAY BLUES

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April 18, 2022

“Monday, Monday, so good to me.” The Mamas and the Papas launched that song in 1966. There have been a few changes in the world since ‘66.

But Monday hasn’t changed much. It is still the day that most of us never look forward to.

Monday has a special significance in our culture as the beginning of the week, which influences our mood and our physical, emotional, and spiritual health outcomes

The 7-day week and the meaning we associate with the days of the week is a social construct, and not based on biological or planetary cycles. But a host of negative outcomes, such as heart attacks and strokes, happen more frequently on Mondays as people transition back to the structured routine of the week.

Something about that doesn’t seem right. Furthermore, we shouldn’t give in to that. If it really is a social construct, and we can choose to make Monday better, why not do that?

A 2021 nationwide survey conducted by the Data Decisions Group tracked awareness and behavior related to Mondays and healthy behaviors. While 11% of people report that Monday is “a day to dread”, many people see Monday positively. They view it as an opportunity for a “fresh start” (40%) and a day to “get my act together” (18%).

83% of responders to the survey agreed that starting the week off healthy would help maintain a focus on health for the rest of the week.

Over the past few months, I’ve been radically focused on becoming a healthier husband, dad, grandad and pastor. I’ve learned the following three ways to kickoff my workweek. Please keep in mind that I’m a pastor. As a result, Monday morning could possibly be a bummer of a let down. But I’ve learned to make Monday one of my favorite days of the week.

1. PLAN YOUR WEEK ON SUNDAY EVENING.

You may not want to, but taking ten minutes to review your calendar, make appropriate adjustments, and make a few notes of a few things you need to add and delete to your schedule is one of the most impactful things you can invest ten-minutes in, always.

Make a very short list of four things you MUST accomplish this week. Write them down! Then prioritize them.

Keep that in front of you.

2. Set limits on the amount of time that you will spend that week on social media, television and enthralled with your smart devices.

Simple awareness of the time you spend on these often worthless efforts is half of your personal productivity and peace perspective.

Earl Sweatshirt once said, “Everyone’s like sheep on social media; like, one person starts making noise, and everyone’s like, ‘Hey, yeah!’ and then you got a whole bunch of people making noise at you.”

And, whether you like it or not, the man trying to buy Twitter said, “I think there should be regulations on social media to the degree that it negatively affects the public good.” -Elon Musk

Don’t let the addictive dopamine hit of a like, follow or friend determine your day, week, or attitude.

3. Determine to Rise Ten-Minutes Early Each Weekday.

Rising just 10-minutes early allows you room to do three things – yes I know I sound like a broken record – but this has had such a radical impact on my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. First, write down three things that you are grateful for. Don’t get all spiritual or intellectual on me. Keep it simple, but write it down. Second, read one chapter of the Bible-book of Proverbs. There’s 31 chapters. How ‘bout that? Third, write down 4-5 words that describe the person that you want to be or become this week. Again, keep it clear. Keep it simple. Keep it real.

As the Mamas and the Papas once sang, “Monday, Monday, so good to me. Every other day, every other day. Every other day, every other day of the week is fine, yeah.But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes. But whenever Monday comes, you can find me cryin’ all of the time”

I think I will choose a better Monday. How about you?

Go in Peace, Chuck

How to Fix the World

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AChuckAllen.com

I know! Who would possibly think you could fix all of the world’s problems in one article? Well, I’m not so naive as to believe that you can improve the world with the following seven ideas, but I’ll guarantee you, these seven would radically make our world a better place to live in.

Seven ways to FIX THE WORLD.

  1. SLOW DOWN. Seriously, slow your life down and get off the hamster wheel. Constant hurry robs you of your peace and happiness. Always running creates health and emotional sink holes in our lives. Science and faith agree on this. Research on naps, meditation, nature walks and the habits of exceptional artists and athletes reveal how mental breaks increase productivity, replenish attention, solidify memories and encourage creativity. The Scriptues remind us of our need to “be still.” I find myself, and many of my circle of friends are addicts. Addicted to productivity to the degree that productivity hacks become our life’s theology. That’s a dangerous slope to live on.
  2. DON’T BE A BUTTHEAD. I’m passionate about this one. If every morning we chose to not be a butt with each other, life would be so much better. Here are a few thoughts that might apply to you.
    – Don’t Be a Butthead to “That Annoying Person in Your Life” – I think of dealing with annoying people like managing a dam on a river. Every annoying thing they do is water flowing into the reservoir. You can manage that by letting water pass over the dam, or you can let it build until the dam breaks. The dam breaking is you being a jerk and screaming, “I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR DIET! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY?!”
    – Don’t Be a Butthead to a Butthead. When presented with butthead behavior, just take a deep breath and put yourself in their shoes. Your responding in kind just escalates whatever negative stuff that’s in the air. If you can help it, do so.
    -Don’t Be a Butthead Because You’re Having a Bad Day. We all have bad days. Maybe your child is sick, a project is late, or a supplier sent parts that were all damaged in transit. Stuff happens to all of us, but not everyone responds by being a butthead. If the bad thing is your fault, own it, and move on. The worst your employer can do is fire you, and I’d rather be fired for messing up (as we all do from time to time) than for being a butthead. The people around you will see that you handled this setback with grace, and it will be remembered. If you handle stress by being a butthead, that will also be remembered.
  3. TURN OFF YOUR DEVICES. Imagine a day without answering every text like your life depends on it. Or stopping at a traffic light without checking your email. How about this – can you imagine talking with your family rather than comparing your likes and follows with everyone else?
    -Your brain will work better. By now most of you have heard of the many scientific studies that show the brain can’t actually multitask. What feels like multitasking to us is actually the brain switching rapidly among tasks. It feels good, and provides plenty of stimulation–something the brain tends to like. But it makes us the opposite of productive.
    -You’ll get better at solving problems. The biggest concern with constant connectedness is that people stop thinking. It’s very hard to think when you’re constantly interrupted, or distracted.
  4. FIND YOUR SACRED SILENCE. Two ideas with this one: 1) Every day, we all need to have a few minutes to meditate prayerfully, and 2) We could all talk less and make less noise. What a wonderful world it would be if we had less noise in our lives?
    –Silence offers opportunities for self-reflection and daydreaming, which activates multiple parts of the brain. It gives us time to turn down the inner noise and increase awareness of what matters most. And it cultivates mindfulness — recognition and appreciation of the present moment.
    – Silence also has physical benefits. “When we’re frazzled, our fight-or-flight response is on overload causing a host of problems,” says Dr. Sullivan. “We can use calm, quiet moments to tap into a different part of the nervous system that helps shut down our bodies’ physical response to stress.”
    – That means, being still and silent can help you: Lower your blood pressure Decrease your heart rate Steady your breathing. Reduce muscle tension. Increase focus and cognition.
  5. LEARN THE POWER OF GRATITUDE. We humans are naturally selfish, greedy, and ungrateful. If we were to experience widespread gratitude, we would become aware that when you are grateful, what you have is more than enough.
    – “In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.” – Harvard University
  6. EXERCISE MINIMALISM. When we become grateful, we exercise minimalism. Minimalism is the art, and appreciation of less is more. We stop buying what we do not need, and we stop comparing what we have to everyone else.
    -Minimalism isn’t just a concept that helps us reorganize our homes and lives in a more effective and aesthetically pleasing manner. In fact, minimalism can be a helpful way to combat mental illness of all degrees of severity, from anxiety to schizophrenia and back.
  7. PRIORITIZE JESUS. I know this to be true. When we get Jesus in the proper priority within our life, we will get every other issue right. Notice that I didn’t say, get your going to church life, right? I didn’t say, look more christianly, or talk more like a church person. It’s this simple – properly prioritize Jesus and watch how all the world’s pettiness and angst are replaced with peace, contentment, and gracious living.
    – When asked what was the most important commandment, Jesus dropped the mic, when He said, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for others].’ The whole Law and the [writings of the] Prophets depend on these two commandments.”

I never said it would be easy, but it is simple.
Seven personal steps to better the world – immediately!

Peace, Chuck

A Simple Conversation that Matters

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AChuckAllen

I realize that I’m a bit odd. I mean, I know that I’m weird. First, I’m a pastor that works hard at attempting to be normal. Second, I am allergic to chit-chat. No, really! I would never say that I like chatting in the sense of getting together for no purpose other than a chat.

However, I greatly appreciate a conversation grounded in purpose. Purpose feels like an accomplishment, reasoning, debating, sharpening, or resolving.

That’s why I know that the following conversation is a double win for you and your friend, child, parent, or spouse. Maybe even all the above!

Build these three questions into your daily routine and watch how your relationships improve with each day that you engage your person (s) of choice.

1. Start with YOUR BEST: What’s the best thing that happened yesterday?

2. Then Tackle the Worst. What’s the worst that’s happened (or is happening) today?

3. Then Add Prayer. What can I specifically pray for you today?

Please be sure to keep it simple. Keep it very real. Keep it truthful. Once you commit to asking, be equally committed to answering. Here’s the essential element in this brief, personal, purposeful conversation – actually pray for them!

If you don’t have anyone to have this conversation with, let your prayer be that you’ll discover them this week. In the meantime, feel free to send me an email and answer these questions. I’ll reply with my answers and pray earnestly for you.

Go In Peace, Chuck

Need help? At Clear Path Counseling, we believe that reaching out for help is hard enough; finding it should be straightforward and simple. Just CLICK HERE and start your free assessment. You can finish your complimentary assessment in less than 10-minutes!

ClearPathCounseling.org

3 Simple Ways to Make Your Day Better

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AChuckAllen.com

It’s like a broken record. “How are you?” “ Good, I’m good.” “But how are you, really?”
“I’m tired, frustrated, anxious, and tired of being tired.”

Okay, now we are talking!

Here are three super simple ways to make today better.

1. Don’t watch or listen to the news on any outlet. The rants and verbal assaults have a way of sucking you into a vortex of negativity. Get outside, go for a walk, play cards, read, paint, anything but watch the news. Again, it doesn’t matter which outlet you prefer – avoid the news today! Science teaches us that nature can change our attitudes and thought patterns. Just go outside.

2. Determine to be nice to someone today. I don’t think you have to make a meal for someone or cut their grass. Just be determined to smile, say hello, tip well, or help someone by opening a door. Anything that allows your brain to tell your body, way to go! The science proves this is a no-brainer. If you want to have a better day, be intentionally nice. It’s not complicated. It costs nothing. Here’s the kicker – you are the winner!

3. Do two things out loud today. First, find a song you’ve liked for years, then sing it like you are on The Voice. I’m talking about singing as if you can really sing. Or better yet, sing it like you are in a duet with the original artist. Just sing one song out loud! Second, talk to the Divine – out loud. If you are angry with Him, tell Him. He can handle it. If you are fearful, tell Him. If you are grateful, tell Him. Just talk to your Creator as if He were right there with you – because He is. Speak with God out loud. I promise you that this conversation will change your day for good!

We all need a better day, so what do you have to lose?

  • Avoid negativity, especially when you can choose to.
  • Determine to be friendly, or at least nicer to those in your path.
  • Sing loud and proud.
  • Pray big, pray loud, pray sincerely – but pray, out loud.

May you and yours have a better day. And May you go throughout your day in peace.

—Chuck

Looking for in a Grace-Based Therapist

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by Julie Homrich, LPC

So you’re a follower of Jesus and you’re looking for a therapist.  You want someone who can both understand the source of your healing (God) but also empower you and operate from a professional perspective. Here are three things to look for in your search:

1. A grace-based Christian therapist values scripture… but does not weaponize it.  The use of scripture in counseling is meant to be helpful to the client.  Unfortunately, some well-meaning counselors tend to use scripture as a way to feel helpful themselves, throwing Bible verse bandaids on deep wounds that would be better served through more expansive spiritual and psychological surgery.  This leads clients to question the power of scripture because sometimes the solution is scripture AND counseling. 

Scripture is a very important piece of healing as a believer.  However, out of their own human desire to feel helpful and give answers, it can be tempting for helpers to repeatedly share scripture as a way to limit the pain instead of entering into the full, messy, sometimes unpredictable process of deep healing with the client. Ultimately, it’s important to seek the Holy Spirit in reflection to determine the right time for sharing scripture, the appropriate time to listen, and the right moment for psychological intervention.

2. Grace-based Christian therapists understand the difference between the source of healing and tools used in the process of healing. Secular counseling identifies the source of all healing as self-actualization. Grace-based counseling understands that we are co-creators in change, being prompted by the Holy Spirit and choosing to follow those leadings with the steps needed for psychological change. Secular counseling identifies an individual as body, soul, and spirit. Grace-based counseling does the same, but highlights the Holy Spirit’s power within us, redeeming and renewing our lives toward healing. However, both forms of counseling highlight that change is a choice, and faith-filled individuals must choose daily to unite their will with God’s will for their lives.

3. Grace-based Christian therapists seek to become aware of their tendency to engage in spiritual bypassing.  This is a term taught in many counseling programs, including faith-based ones. Spiritual bypassing is a “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues or psychological wounds” (John Wellwood). We all have a tendency toward spiritual bypassing because, as humans, we have an innate aversion to discomfort.  If a Christian Counselor tells you that your pain is a result of a “lack of faith” or that you just need to “pray more”, you are entering a spiritual bypassing experience.

Spiritual bypassing is, at its core, a defense mechanism, and all defense mechanisms are utilized as a way for us to keep emotional distance from pain or discomfort. The antidote to spiritual bypassing is spiritual embodiment, inviting Jesus into our pain instead of trying to explain it away without experiencing it.  In some cases, it’s hard to heal when you can’t feel, and Jesus models this for us as He entered into our human experience fully to redeem us from it.  We can invite Him into our pain, and struggling doesn’t make us any less of a Christian.  

If you’re looking for a trained professional to help you find a therapist who meets the above recommendations, take our simple, free assessment at http://www.clearpathcounseling.org. You’ll be connected to a professional who can help you determine what your counseling needs are and who is poised to meet them.

Julie