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This Week’s “I Might Be Wrong, But I Doubt It”

by

AChuckAllen August 4, 2022

Have you ever been in the shower or riding down the road thinking, and it hit you that you might be wrong, but you doubt it? Yeah, me too. This week’s article is focused on POLITICS! But, you know the age-old story; avoid politics at the Sunday dinner table if you want to keep the peace. But, here we go. Why do we get so whacked out about politics in America these days?

POLITICS IN AMERICA

America is in an information war – with itself. Our public forums, where we Americans discuss public issues, are broken. There’s little healthy discussion – and plenty of fighting. One reason why: Persuasion is difficult, slow, and time-consuming – it doesn’t make good television or social media content – and so there aren’t a lot of good examples of it in our public discourse. As a result, we have become propagandists, not persuaders. We have chosen the path of picking a side and unfolding a shock and awe campaign of how bad the other side is, regardless of who the other side is.

The old vertical propaganda model cannot withstand the changes in communication brought on by the new participatory media – talk radio, cable, email, blogs, chats, texts, video, and social media.

Pew research says that 93% of Americans are connected to the internet and 82% of Americans are connected to social media. We now all have direct access to communicate in the public square – and, most of us engage at some level in the propaganda machine. A lot of folks use their social media connections and platforms to knowingly and unknowingly spread misinformation, disinformation, conspiracy, and partisan talking points – all forms of propaganda. We’re all propagandists now. At times, we create our own version of dissent.

The inability of Americans to allow for dissenting thoughts has become an epidemic. When we do not allow for common decency in dialogue with those we disagree with, we lose all sense of humanity and turn what could be beneficial for the country into a battle of anger, resentment, and outrage. It doesn’t take long!

Hold your convictions close to you, but be cautious that your convictions are more than preferred thoughts and outcomes. America became America out of appreciation for how our Creator made us uniquely different, and we bond around that rather than fight about why it is the case.

Be sure to leave room for your fellow American to be right, even if it is seldom the case.

Be sure to leave room for you to be wrong, even if it doesn’t happen often.

As a country built on diverse thought, we must accept that wherever diverse thought occurs, conflict is lurking around the corner. Conflict, friend, isn’t the problem.
The problem is mismanaged conflict.

Most conflict is internal. When someone thinks differently than you, they will most likely act, react and vote differently than you. That doesn’t have to make them your enemy. There is a reason that they think that way, and the way they think may have nothing to do with you – at all!

To demonize them without attempting to understand them is doing yourself disfavor! Leave room for that Republican or Democrat to share why. If they don’t know why, other than some talking puppet on an alleged news show, don’t argue; simply step away.

Everyone has the right to be wrong!

If you do find yourself in a heated exchange, be the grown-up in the room and take the heat down. Speaking truth in love is the key here. When we shower others with our worst, we rarely have an opportunity to persuade, we simply become part of the propaganda. Besides, we owe it to the world to lessen the noise and increase the collective IQ.

Step away from the keyboard when you are heated. There is no need to convince others of your lack of control. The country needs men and women of conviction, courage, and wisdom,
not more screaming and banter.

If you want to discuss politics, check your logo and ego at the door and have a clear, common, and compelling reason for what you say. Say it in a way that is helpful, thoughtful, and wise. Be willing to be corrected and be willing to accept differences, and watch how we can find a middle ground.

I might be wrong, but I doubt it.

Go in Peace, Chuck

How Should We Respond to Crisis?

by

AChuckAllen | Monday, August 1, 2022

Every week we are bombarded with another crisis. A school shooting, mass shooting, flood, fire, riot, shortage, war, and the hits keep coming.

How can we respond to these crises without remaining angry, bitter, or hardened? How do we hear about more crises without growing jaded or curled up in anxiety? Fair questions for a country that regularly finds its way into trouble.

As a pastor, coach, and counselor, I’ve learned four things that we can all do to respond appropriately to the next crisis.

  1. DON’T CATASTROPHIZE THE CRISIS
    Fight hard not to let your mind convince you that things are far worse than they are. If we aren’t careful, our brain will convince us that we are like our preferred news outlet. We can be so active in telling ourselves that the sky is falling everywhere. We can make every crisis our crisis. Yes, we should be concerned, moved, and burdened, but you cannot own and exasperate every situation. My friend Julie Homrich would say, “don’t believe everything you think.”
  2. ACTIVELY LISTEN
    In most crises, loud voices point fingers, find fault and politicize the situation. Friends, this is not how to help or how to respond. There is a reason our Creator gave us two ears and one mouth. The single best way to respond to a crisis is to exercise your capacity to listen actively. Yes, affirm your connection to those affected. Affirm their heartache or pain, but at all costs, hush and let them speak. Let them find solace in your presence without your words. Keep this in mind. If you don’t know what to say, please don’t throw a catchphrase or random Bible. Verse their way. Just be there and listen. It’s okay to have a ministry of presence. While meeting the wonderful people of Uvalde, Texas, I heard, over and over again, “you are the only people asking us what we need.” In most points of crisis, words are cheap. Listening is golden.
  3. PRAY AND THEN PRAY SOME MORE
    We Americans are such activity-based people. When a hurricane happens, we get out the chain saws and wet vacs. When a shooting happens, we tend to do the same thing. What in the world? Prayer should never be seen as the last resort. Prayer is the single most extraordinary power on earth and requires zero travel! The minute you see or hear of a crisis, start praying. I’ll never forget seeing a horrific auto crash and hopping out of my truck to see if I could help. I got to the driver and realized they were already in the process of bleeding out. An incredible EMT jumped in, and I started praying for this mom out loud in the middle of highway 78. At that moment, the single greatest thing I knew to do was to PRAY! Before I finished, there were more than 20 people that had gathered around and, in their way, joined me in praying. Five days later, I got word that this dear lady had lost her leg, but she had her life and her toddler in the backseat. Prayer works! Pray, and then pray some more!
  4. ACT WITH GRACE AND SERVE WITH HUMILITY Determine not to join the fray and jump on the whiner train. Here is an equation from my friend Brad Rhoads, “Grace + Intentionality = Transformation” grace extends forgiveness and continuously extends a benefit of the doubt. Grace doesn’t blame. It smooths. And here is an authentic truth – WHEN WE EXTEND GRACE, WE SERVE OTHERS WITH HUMILITY!” According to the poster child of humility, Mother Teresa, this is what humility looks like: These are the few ways we can practice humility:
  • To speak as little as possible of one’s self.
  • To mind one’s own business.
  • Not to want to manage other people’s affairs.
  • To avoid busy-body curiosity.
  • To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.
  • To pass over the mistakes of others.
  • To accept insults and injuries.
  • To accept being slighted, forgotten, and disliked.
  • To be kind and gentle even under provocation.
  • Never stand on one’s dignity.
  • To choose is always the hardest. And best.

The evil in this world will continue to be a struggle from now until we reach Heaven’s gates. We will have minimal power over what they might be or where they will happen, but how we act and react to crises is entirely within our power.

Let us be a people that act and react in and through crises with grace, decency, and kindness. The world has a widening depletion of women and men that will respond in love. If we want to improve this world, let us act in these four areas.

Go in Peace, Chuck

How to Fix the World

by

AChuckAllen.com

I know! Who would possibly think you could fix all of the world’s problems in one article? Well, I’m not so naive as to believe that you can improve the world with the following seven ideas, but I’ll guarantee you, these seven would radically make our world a better place to live in.

Seven ways to FIX THE WORLD.

  1. SLOW DOWN. Seriously, slow your life down and get off the hamster wheel. Constant hurry robs you of your peace and happiness. Always running creates health and emotional sink holes in our lives. Science and faith agree on this. Research on naps, meditation, nature walks and the habits of exceptional artists and athletes reveal how mental breaks increase productivity, replenish attention, solidify memories and encourage creativity. The Scriptues remind us of our need to “be still.” I find myself, and many of my circle of friends are addicts. Addicted to productivity to the degree that productivity hacks become our life’s theology. That’s a dangerous slope to live on.
  2. DON’T BE A BUTTHEAD. I’m passionate about this one. If every morning we chose to not be a butt with each other, life would be so much better. Here are a few thoughts that might apply to you.
    – Don’t Be a Butthead to “That Annoying Person in Your Life” – I think of dealing with annoying people like managing a dam on a river. Every annoying thing they do is water flowing into the reservoir. You can manage that by letting water pass over the dam, or you can let it build until the dam breaks. The dam breaking is you being a jerk and screaming, “I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR DIET! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY?!”
    – Don’t Be a Butthead to a Butthead. When presented with butthead behavior, just take a deep breath and put yourself in their shoes. Your responding in kind just escalates whatever negative stuff that’s in the air. If you can help it, do so.
    -Don’t Be a Butthead Because You’re Having a Bad Day. We all have bad days. Maybe your child is sick, a project is late, or a supplier sent parts that were all damaged in transit. Stuff happens to all of us, but not everyone responds by being a butthead. If the bad thing is your fault, own it, and move on. The worst your employer can do is fire you, and I’d rather be fired for messing up (as we all do from time to time) than for being a butthead. The people around you will see that you handled this setback with grace, and it will be remembered. If you handle stress by being a butthead, that will also be remembered.
  3. TURN OFF YOUR DEVICES. Imagine a day without answering every text like your life depends on it. Or stopping at a traffic light without checking your email. How about this – can you imagine talking with your family rather than comparing your likes and follows with everyone else?
    -Your brain will work better. By now most of you have heard of the many scientific studies that show the brain can’t actually multitask. What feels like multitasking to us is actually the brain switching rapidly among tasks. It feels good, and provides plenty of stimulation–something the brain tends to like. But it makes us the opposite of productive.
    -You’ll get better at solving problems. The biggest concern with constant connectedness is that people stop thinking. It’s very hard to think when you’re constantly interrupted, or distracted.
  4. FIND YOUR SACRED SILENCE. Two ideas with this one: 1) Every day, we all need to have a few minutes to meditate prayerfully, and 2) We could all talk less and make less noise. What a wonderful world it would be if we had less noise in our lives?
    –Silence offers opportunities for self-reflection and daydreaming, which activates multiple parts of the brain. It gives us time to turn down the inner noise and increase awareness of what matters most. And it cultivates mindfulness — recognition and appreciation of the present moment.
    – Silence also has physical benefits. “When we’re frazzled, our fight-or-flight response is on overload causing a host of problems,” says Dr. Sullivan. “We can use calm, quiet moments to tap into a different part of the nervous system that helps shut down our bodies’ physical response to stress.”
    – That means, being still and silent can help you: Lower your blood pressure Decrease your heart rate Steady your breathing. Reduce muscle tension. Increase focus and cognition.
  5. LEARN THE POWER OF GRATITUDE. We humans are naturally selfish, greedy, and ungrateful. If we were to experience widespread gratitude, we would become aware that when you are grateful, what you have is more than enough.
    – “In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.” – Harvard University
  6. EXERCISE MINIMALISM. When we become grateful, we exercise minimalism. Minimalism is the art, and appreciation of less is more. We stop buying what we do not need, and we stop comparing what we have to everyone else.
    -Minimalism isn’t just a concept that helps us reorganize our homes and lives in a more effective and aesthetically pleasing manner. In fact, minimalism can be a helpful way to combat mental illness of all degrees of severity, from anxiety to schizophrenia and back.
  7. PRIORITIZE JESUS. I know this to be true. When we get Jesus in the proper priority within our life, we will get every other issue right. Notice that I didn’t say, get your going to church life, right? I didn’t say, look more christianly, or talk more like a church person. It’s this simple – properly prioritize Jesus and watch how all the world’s pettiness and angst are replaced with peace, contentment, and gracious living.
    – When asked what was the most important commandment, Jesus dropped the mic, when He said, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for others].’ The whole Law and the [writings of the] Prophets depend on these two commandments.”

I never said it would be easy, but it is simple.
Seven personal steps to better the world – immediately!

Peace, Chuck

A Simple Conversation that Matters

by

AChuckAllen

I realize that I’m a bit odd. I mean, I know that I’m weird. First, I’m a pastor that works hard at attempting to be normal. Second, I am allergic to chit-chat. No, really! I would never say that I like chatting in the sense of getting together for no purpose other than a chat.

However, I greatly appreciate a conversation grounded in purpose. Purpose feels like an accomplishment, reasoning, debating, sharpening, or resolving.

That’s why I know that the following conversation is a double win for you and your friend, child, parent, or spouse. Maybe even all the above!

Build these three questions into your daily routine and watch how your relationships improve with each day that you engage your person (s) of choice.

1. Start with YOUR BEST: What’s the best thing that happened yesterday?

2. Then Tackle the Worst. What’s the worst that’s happened (or is happening) today?

3. Then Add Prayer. What can I specifically pray for you today?

Please be sure to keep it simple. Keep it very real. Keep it truthful. Once you commit to asking, be equally committed to answering. Here’s the essential element in this brief, personal, purposeful conversation – actually pray for them!

If you don’t have anyone to have this conversation with, let your prayer be that you’ll discover them this week. In the meantime, feel free to send me an email and answer these questions. I’ll reply with my answers and pray earnestly for you.

Go In Peace, Chuck

Need help? At Clear Path Counseling, we believe that reaching out for help is hard enough; finding it should be straightforward and simple. Just CLICK HERE and start your free assessment. You can finish your complimentary assessment in less than 10-minutes!

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3 Avoidable Marriage Pitfalls

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AChuckAllen.com

I’ve heard it said that “marriage isn’t easy.” However, I’ve also heard that a marriage that survives and thrives takes work. While I agree with both of those statements, marriage shouldn’t be too hard and require that much work. After all, we loved our spouse enough to say I do without ever thinking that we might say I don’t.

After countless couples that have sought my counsel on marriage and having been married for a collective 40 years, I’ve learned some basics. This is part one of a two-part article on marriage and the simple steps to avoid and the simple steps to include in your relationship.

Here are three avoidable mistakes that might become pitfalls in your marriage. I pray that they are helpful.

  1. Assumptions – Assumptions will literally kill your marriage. The most assumed assumption? “They should know what I need.” My next on the wicked list of assumptions is that “they should know what I think.” If you can recall the television show, “Home Improvement” you’ll remember that in each episode, Jill tells Tim something and he totally messes the intent up. Time winds up in the backyard with Wilson, and Wilson serves as his marriage counselor. Tim then has a light bulb moment and he and Jill get things back together. In real life, it’s never that short or that simpe to fix. Please avoid assuming that your spouse knows what you need, or what you think. Have a discussion about needs, wants, hopes, and aspiriations. Assumptions will create a train wreck in your hopes and dreams. Never assume that your spouse, no matter how close you are, or how well they can complete your sentences knows your needs, hopes, feelings, or values. Love them enough to let them into your world. After all, you are now “one flesh.”
  2. Untruths – Spoken or Unspoken – I hear this one all the time and I’ve lived this in my own life. Maybe you are witholding a simple little truth in hopes that you are “protecting your spouse.” That’s just a lie that you are justifying because you don’t want to deal with it. Yes, your spouse might be angry with you. Yes, you most likely will argue about it. But here’s the real deal. You will deal with it. For better or worse. Richer or poorer. Til death. Untruths will create a deep divide that can crater a marriage faster than anything I have seen. If it’s big – tell the truth. If it’s small – tell the truth. I promise you that this is one of those pitfalls that will bite you and leave a mark. It’s not complicated. Tell the truth. All of the truth!
  3. Tech Secrets – I can’t count the number of marriages that have entered my office for counsel and when we got to the central theme of the issues, spouse A discovered something on spouse B’s phone, tablet, or computer. Sometimes it’s obvious, like porn or an inappropriate text conversation with another person. Sometimes it’s thoughts about in-laws or children, or blended family talk outside of the home. Here’s a good rule of thumb; If you cannot hand your phone to your spouse without hiding something, password protecting something, or turning off your locations, you might have a serious problem. If you cannot leave your phone sitting on the bedside table while you shower or walk the dog, you might have a problem. If you have to double check to make sure that your spouse might see something when they ask to use your phone, you definitely have a problem. The answer isn’t to have secret apps, or secret, seperate phones. The answer is don’t do stupid stuff on your devices. Keep you technology zippers zipped and your social media status buttons buttoned.

As I said, it’s pretty simple. Avoid these three pitfalls, and you’ll save yourself a world of hurt feelings, arguments, misunderstandings, and relational fatigue. I’ll be back tomorrow with “Three simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage.”

Peace, Chuck

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The Church and Mental Health

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by AChuckAllen 04.20.2021

Like many of my readers, I grew up in an era with zero tolerance for mental illness. We threw terms around that were harmful, hurtful, and disrespectful. We didn’t do that out of some weird bias or odd bigotry, but out of pure ignorance. Today, we all have a better understanding of the significance of our mental and emotional health. But have we stepped into the arena and determined to be a part of the solution instead of saying the usual “somebody ought to do something” line? As for me, I have experienced the oddities of the pandemic, just like you have.

Now is the time to step onto the floor of the arena and determine to
make a difference, and it just might start with you!

First, let’s accept the fact that we all have some sort of anxiety, restlessness, or stress in our life. I haven’t met anyone in the past year that has been able to say that they are stress or worry-free, at least honestly. The power of our brains is astonishing. Our brains are constantly attempting to course-correct our lives, but with enough stressors and insecurities, it can send all of the wrong signals to our bodies.

Did you know that when your brain’s pre-frontal cortex exposes your amygdala, that amygdala kicks into high gear with fear that sends stress hormones coursing through your body? That starts a reaction that creates digestive challenges, rapid heart rates, muscular tingles, and inflammation. None of that sounds good. But here is the good news. You can do something about it! My friend, Julie Homrich, LPC, has been coaching me on the brain and how mental health and spiritual health go hand in hand. She is a really bright human, and I’m continually grateful for our friendship and what she is teaching me. When I came to grips with the fact that we could literally accomplish what Paul wrote in the Bible book of Romans, when he said that we “Should not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind, so that we might know the perfect will of God,” I got so captivated that I began an in-depth study to help me understand the correlation with a passage of scripture written some 2,000 years ago and the modern brain.

Romans 12:2 NLT
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

In short, I came to this conclusion: We Need Help!

To keep from remaining in fear, anxiety, and an over-stressed state of mind, we need to know how to be transformed through the renewing of our mind. Maybe you are like me. Maybe you don’t have a severe mental illness, but you are stressed out, maxed out, and occasionally anxiety-riddled. If so, even mildly so, here is a three-step approach that has been scientifically proven to assist you.

1. STOP AND SUSPEND THE PRESENT NARRATIVE. Science has proven that it can take as long as 20 minutes to metabolize the stress hormones sent to our bodies from that fear-mongering amygdala. Stop and suspend your assumptions on the motives, actions, and predetermined conclusions of the present narrative that has your stressors on high alert. Stopping long enough to evaluate before acting is an essential part of coping well and retaining healthy relationships. Stop and allow your mind to ask three questions. 1) What if I didn’t understand the narrative as it was intended? 2) What if the person sharing or group sharing the narrative is in a difficult season or just a terrible day? And 3) What if I am stressed because I am part of the narrative’s problem, and my brain is firing our guilt signals. Suspend the answer and/or action long enough for the stress hormones to clear from your body.

2. ENGAGE IN DOING GOOD. Multiple studies, including a study from Stanford University, have proven that when we take action to help or serve someone else, we are fueling our brain and our soul with dopamine that instantaneously improves our mental and emotional health. If you lead a business, the new economy screams at you that “doing good is good for business.” The new understanding of our brain screams at us doing good is good for us! I know it doesn’t seem like something beneficial to mental health, but both God and science assure us that it is indeed perfect for us!

3. START YOUR DAY WITH PRAYER MEDITATION. I know I just lost half of you, but this is the one thing I would plead with you to do. It’s so simple, and it’s been proven to strengthen our mental and emotional health for centuries. Somehow, in the American culture, we determined we didn’t need that weird meditation stuff. But prayerful meditation isn’t some weird journey with incense and mantras. It is simply quietude, plus solitude, plus mindfulness = peace. I start each day with one question. What am I grateful for, and write it down. I then enjoy about 6 minutes of prayerful meditation through a great, free app, “SOULSPACE.” It is so simple. I listen and pray in a quiet space, and it gets me centered on God’s design for my day and gives me an attitude of gratitude, confidence, and peace. Once again, like serving others, meditation has been scientifically proven to strengthen our brains to transform us into healthy people. How great is that? I am living proof that six minutes each day can radically transform your mind, heart, and soul for good. If you knew me twenty years ago, or more, you might be thinking, “who is this, and what happened to Chuck?” The answer? I’m here, and I’m in the best mental, emotional and spiritual health of my life!

Here is the key. These are simple solutions to a complex challenge. But these three simple steps have proven to make me a far better husband, father, grandfather, pastor, leader, and follower of Jesus. America is a mess, people. We might start with our own mental, emotional, and spiritual health before grumbling more about everyone else’s part of the problem.

I’m also committed to the firm belief that the church desperately needs to tackle mental and emotional health. It is one of the great American crises of the day. We, the church, have the opportunity to stop lobbing bible verse hand grenades at people in crises and offer real, tangible, God-honoring solutions. I’m in no way suggesting that scripture isn’t tangible. I am strongly stating that scripture and science are a hand in glove experience. Mental health is a practical part of Christian discipleship. As we learn to surrender our assumptions and egos to the will of God, we discover contentment. When we are contented, we can, as Paul stated, “do all things through Christ Jesus.” But surrender and contentment require a healthy state of mind and emotion.

It’s like a wheel that keeps rolling. Strive for mental and emotional health. Seek peace in that journey. Keep it sustainable, not just based on feelings. Surrender our lives and discover contented gratitude and boom! There it is, PEACE! That sounds exactly like what Jesus would invest in should He have chosen this generation to walk on the face of the planet. Oh, wait! That’s exactly what He did, as He walked across Israel some two-thousand years ago. Jesus cares about our mental and emotional health – Be more like Jesus!

Go in Peace,
Chuck