Achuckallen

Instigating Better

AChuck's Top 10

Three Life Skills Nobody Taught Me

by

October 4, 2021, | AChuckAllen.com

You know you are getting to “that age” when you talk about what you’ve learned the hard way. Before you know it, you’ll be explaining how hard you had it as a kid, and kids these days don’t know how good they have it. Yikes! I’m not ready for that stage just yet, but I have learned three life lessons that nobody taught me or could teach me. These lessons were indeed learned in the more complicated way of experience.

  1. It’s always better to make things right, as opposed to proving you are right. Seriously, this is one of those lessons that you can teach, preach and plead. But you learn it the hard way. This one will save you a ton of heartache. To be in the right relationship with someone is far better than being correct.
  2. Arguing with a police officer is never a good idea. You say, how did you not know that? Because I am stubborn, hot-headed, and not the sharpest hook in the tackle box. If an officer in rural South Carolina stops you after midnight, it’s never a good idea to offer your honest thoughts on his quaint little town.
  3. Recognizing a Mountain from a Molehill. I’d heard all my life that you shouldn’t make a mountain out of a molehill, but nobody taught me how to differentiate between the two! Here is the key. Does weighing in, contributing to, or differing with make an immediate difference? Does my injecting more words or opinions actually provide help, encouragement, or truth to the conversation. OR? Am I simply talking more and asking everyone else to listen? I now know that many of my opinions do not add to a solution or truth, they are simply opinions. Knowing which is which helps hugely!

Go in Peace, Chuck

How’s Your MOB?

by

AChuckAllen

I’m not writing about an unruly mob. I’m referring to an acrostic for M-O-B.

  • MARGIN IN YOUR LIFE
  • OWNERSHIP OF YOUR LIFE
  • BOUNDARIES AROUND YOUR LIFE

Oh, how I wish that I had learned the value of margin in my life 30 years ago! One of the most significant elements of a peace-filled, highly successful life is margin. We all need margin. We need margin emotionally, relationally, financially, professionally, physically, and spiritually. Margin allows us to be in sync with our families, realities, bodies, and possibilities. The only person that can build an appropriate margin for you is you. You know what you need. It would be best if you slowed down long enough to determine what adjustments are required to give you a helpful margin in every facet of your life.

We all must take ownership of all things that we can control. Owning what we can control requires two huge issues. Stop convincing yourself that you are a victim and surrendering your heart to your Creator. Ownership includes claiming what you can and should do to order your life. Surrendering is allowing the Spirit of God to give you direction and correction as you live each day to the fullest.

Margin, ownership, and then boundaries. Without boundaries, we don’t own our calendars, finances, or decisions. Without borders, other people own us and our dreams. Without limitations, we surrender our potential to others. Boundaries are critical to both margin and ownership. When we do not define our boundaries, we say yes to everything. Without boundaries, we overcommit, underdeliver, and stay frustrated with our schedules and ourselves. Boundaries protect us relationally and financially. Boundaries keep our feet out of our mouths. Boundaries keep our focus in the right place.

Without MOB, we all have the power to spin out of control, make poor decisions, and destroy relationships. It’s worth a few hours of your life to invest in creating your margin, ownership, and boundaries.

Peace, Chuck

9/11 Never Stop Telling the Story

by

Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?

This weekend, we Americans remember the tragic loss of life and liberty experienced on 09.11.01.

I recalled walking into the Alpharetta office building, where I worked at that time, and seeing the reports that American Airlines Flight 11 had struck the North Tower at 8:46 am.

By the time that I reached my office, just seventeen minutes later, at 9:03 am, the World Trade Center’s South Tower was hit by United Airlines Flight 175.

Given the degree of hate and division in our country, only 20 years later, I am amazed at our incredibly short memories. On September 12, 2001, we were a country unified in serving one another, caring for our neighbors, and honoring our heroes. I pray that it doesn’t take the great uprising of evil to stir our American hearts toward faith and unity…once again.

I also pray that we will REMEMBER how horrible the pain was, deep in our American souls when we saw people murdered on live television and thousands of family’s futures ripped from them as a result of pure hate.

We must tell the story of why we were attacked, how we were attacked, and the way we responded in the moments following the attack. We must remind our next generations that cannot remember, or did not experience the ache which we all felt.

Country artist, Alan Jackson asked the question, “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?” Here are the lyrics:

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Rising against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?
Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don’t know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?
Did you burst out with pride for the red, white, and blue
And the heroes who died just doing what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and ask what really matters?

Let us be a people that look at ourselves and ask, what really matters.

Peace, Chuck

Is it Really Okay to Not be Okay?

by

AChuckAllen.com

Mental health seems to be all the rage these days. Athletes, artists, actors, and stars are opening up with statements like, “it’s okay not to be okay.”

But for us mere mortals, is it really okay to not be okay?

I’m not attempting to be snarky in my question. I’m suggesting that for the bulk of our human landscape, it’s still very much not okay to be not okay.

While I want to believe that I am wrong, ask yourself how safe you feel about divulging to your boss or buddies that you are struggling with depression, self-harm, anxiety, or any number of mental or emotional health issues?

I took a few days off over Labor Day weekend and, upon returning, found myself overwhelmed at the number of needs, challenges, calls, and expectations. Just writing that makes my skin crawl. Not because of the requirements, challenges, rings, or expectations, but because of the folks that will be placing varying degrees of guilt, shame, or assumptive qualifications upon me.

You may not be that person with those guilt-ridden thoughts, but we all know that they are there.

Maybe you wrestle with some of the same struggles that I do. Perhaps you feel like there is nowhere to turn. If so, or if you know someone struggling, here are three next steps that can help…I promise.

1. Take three minutes right now and pray. That’s right, pray. Not with your “fake holy voice.” Just ask God to calm your soul, settle your spirit, still your mind, and give you truth-filled wisdom.

2. Send a text to a trusted friend, and ask them to have coffee because you need someone to chat with. If you do not have that person in your life right now, do these two things: 1) Go back to number one and add to your prayer that the Divine would place that person in your life. And 2) Reach out to a counselor or therapist. I know that can be challenging. That’s why my friend Julie Homrich and I have built a place that you can seek and find help and privately. Just go to ClearPath Counseling and invest less than ten minutes in completing your free assessment.

I’m not sure why I struggle with these things. I wish that I didn’t. If you are one of the 4,500 plus’s church members of the church that I pastor, you might be thinking (as I’ve been told), “we don’t want to know about our pastor’s struggles.

I am, however, now okay with admitting that, at times, I am certainly not okay. I’ve learned the truly amazing power of prayer. I’ve learned how little the Divine cares about the “how-to” of prayer. I’ve learned and experienced how simple yet significant the act of “chatting” with my Creator. I have also been blessed with a couple of dear friends, an unbelievably gracious wife, and the kindness of an exceptional therapist.

You might not be okay, not being okay. But you should know that I know how much your Creator truly, deeply, earnestly loves you and wants to chat with you, especially when you are not okay. That’s how I know firsthand about His love. In my most not okay moments, He’s listened to my deepest “not okayness.”

It might not feel safe for you to share your own “not okayness” with someone in your circle right now, but open your head and heart to a conversation with God. You probably still need a counselor or therapist, but He’s the best. The very best at listening to our lack of okayness.

May peace be yours this day.

May joy become your normal.

May hope reign on the throne of your heart.

May tomorrow be better than okay.

Peace, Chuck

ClearPathCounseling.org

Reacting to Global Crises

by

August 31, 2021

Let’s face it, this world is in a mess. Afghanistan, Southern Border, COVID-19, Hurricane Ida, Western Fires. Oh, my stars!

The world has gone mad. And in the middle of all the chaos, we humans have grown more angry, anxious, and intemperate. Don’t hear me say that I’m not joining you. I am most definitely angrier, more anxious, and certainly more intemperate these days.

If you wear a mask, you’re humiliated. If you don’t wear a mask, you are insensitive. If you vaccinate, you love your neighbor, if you don’t, you are selfish. If you voted red, you hate gay people and black people. If you vote blue, you don’t love America.

In a world that is in desperate need of solutions, we have become a nation of whiners and finger pointers! Never before, have we been so divided, on so many different issues.

I find that people who claim to be Christians are often at the center of the fight. I often see people that have been forgiven and redeemed by the sacrificial death of Jesus, the Christ pointing the same fingers, screaming the same diatribe, and succumbing to the ridiculous rhetoric of the right, left, up, or down leaning of the crowd of choice.

Friends, it doesn’t have to be so. Much of the angst and anger we experience and share is rooted in fear. Fear that people don’t agree with us. Fear that the world has lost its way. Fear that things will never be better. Fear that we will never be enough or amount to anything. Some of us are experiencing fear in such a way that we are fire hydrants of anxiety and hate, spewing out our anger, anxiety, and fear on all who walk in front of us.

There is a better way! But it requires us all to answer a question. What do you think of, when you think about God?

AW Tozer once stated,
“What comes into our minds when we think about God
is the most important thing about us.”

I believe that is absolutely true. It also makes the case for the fact that there is a better way! But you have to settle on what you believe about God. It’s that simple.

Once again, it is of the utmost importance!

If you do not believe that God created you with a spirit of power, love, and sound mind, then you will continue to believe that you were created with a spirit of fear and timidity.

Paul, author of a large part of the Bible’s New Testament wrote to his understudy, Timothy, in 2 Timothy 1:7 that “God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity but of power, love, and self-discipline.

I get it. You might be saying, Chuck, I do not need some preacher lobbing a bible verse hand grenade at me. Here is the good news. The same God that created you and wired you into the unique human that you are today, is the same God the created you with the ability to change the way you think and renew your mind!

You can literally change the way you think because you have been given the spirit of power, not fear. You’ve been given the spirit of love, not hate. And you’ve been given the spirit of a sound mind and self-discipline, not chaos. All of that is evidence that you can quite literally change the way you think about the way you think!

My friend, Julie Homrich is a psychotherapist, and one of the brightest people that I’ve ever met. She calls thinking about we think, metacognition. I call it the 2-step of change. Stop and face reality, then change the way you think about it. Get it? Stop and think! Take all the problems in the world and just stop and think about how you see them and how you are reacting to them.

  1. Can you change the outcomes of any of them today? If not, then pray for them. If yes, what 2 things will you do today to help resolve the problem?
  2. Does your opinion on the matter help discover a solution to the problem? If yes, then by all means, share! If no, then take that anxiety and pressure of your plate.
  3. Are you holding on to the news, the worst case scenarios, or the what-ifs? then write those down and leave them on your nightstand. Before you call it a day, just offer up this simple prayer to the Creator. God, I do not understand all that is happening, but I want to be a part of solving, not complaining. Give me wisdom and protect the people in the line of this problem with your care and your love. Amen. Then leave it all with Him.

You do not have to live in doubt, fear, or timidity. But you also do not have to live in anxiety, stress, and anger. Especially if you cannot directly own that solution or problem yourself!

Because you were not given fear and timidity by your Creator. Then where did it come from?

Satan would love to convince you of your fears and insecurities. He would love to keep you locked up in emotional knots over crises found across the world.

But God has given you POWER, LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE! Don’t fall for the bait! You can live in peace, even through all of the storms we face in this life. It’s a matter of what you think about, when you think about God.

Peace, Chuck

A Few Thoughts on Critique

by

CHUCK ALLEN JUNE 8, 2021

I live a pretty public life. I speak in front of thousands of people weekly and offer my thoughts on multiple topics via a coupe of podcasts and this BLOG. I finish every meeting that I lead (other than a worship service) by allowing the participants to ask me anything about anything. I’d say that I am pretty open and certainly occasionally too transparent.

That being said, I’ve received and received my fair share of critique. Some positive, some helpful. I’ve received some hurtful comments and some that were deeply personal. I’ve had folks offer their opinions in agreement with my thoughts and plenty of folks that share their displeasure with those same thoughts. Honestly, I’ve learned that if you speak up, often write, present your opinions publicly, someone will critique you. And, you should expect to be. But don’t expect it always to be fair. Do not expect it to all be helpful. It simply is a reality.

Over the past few years, I’ve grown more vocal with my thoughts on things that matter to me. Things like public education, politics, race relations, immigration, and faith. I think I’ve grown more concerned and more vocal about all the things you are encouraged not to discuss at the Thanksgiving table.

Let me first offer some advice to those that are being or have been critiqued. Develop a thicker skin while simultaneously growing a softer heart. I promise you that that process will serve you well. It has me. But it is not very easy to do. Thicker skin allows you to receive challenging instruction, correction, and even personal attacks. A soft heart will enable you to see the person as a person, not a country to occupy. A softer heart allows for you to hear, feel and experience their concern. That alone is 3/4 of the battle. After that, I offer this simple piece of well-learned advice.

This requires us to get closer to the person or the problem. It involves two steps that open up to a far better experience.

Step One: Always take the high road! You will never regret taking the road less traveled…the high road. This means that we offer an assumption of personal humility. To not be guilty of terminal certainty. The high road is an effort not to fight to prove you are right but rather listen and discuss with the intent to make things right. I am in no way suggesting that it always works, but I can say that it always leaves me far more contented than engaging in a fight.

Step Two: Assume the lowest possible position. Again, not easy to do. Assuming the lowest possible position is when I do not place myself as an authoritarian that is over the person in the conversation, but rather as their equal or even be so bold as to take on the role of a servant. I know that sounds weak, but Jesus taught us that if we want to be great, that we must become a servant – OUCH! Assuming the lowest position will disarm the opposing angst or anger. It allows for you actually to listen, and as needed, fix the problem rather than fixing blame. I promise you that this is a worthwhile effort!

Finally, we live in a world that has gone so radically toward vengeance, justice, anger, and blame that when we allow our skin to thicken, our heart to soften, take the high road and assume the lowest position, we become part of the solutions needed. I refuse to become part of the whiners, grippers and finger pointers when I can actually be part of the solution. How about you?

Let’s face it; we are all surprised, maybe even shocked, when people listen to us. We are completely dumbfounded when real people try to understand with empathy. And when people go out of their way to help resolve or better the situation, it is memorable. I like that term, memorable. Memorable is when I experience an event that is typically a bad experience and it became a healthy, helpful experience. When that happens, it’s memorable and memorable events are shared.

Anybody can be a know it all jerk. Anybody can also look for a reason to prove they are right. Anybody can be defensive and nasty. Our society even celebrates some of that bad acting. But why be anybody when you can be memorable?

Let us strive to be memorable…in a great way. Oh, did I mention that Jesus said that we had to become a servant if we were to be great?

Peace, Chuck