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Three Ways to Eliminate Worry

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AChuckAllen.com July 19, 2022

We all have moments in our life when we are worried, even fretful. But we live at such light speed that worry has become our national pastime.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.”

Corrie ten Boom

From the resurgence of COVID (which I am experiencing as I write this) to the vast unrest in the world, there’s a lot to worry about right now. The truth is that worrying does nothing to change the outcome. Absolutely nothing! It just keeps you stuck in a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness and stress. But negative thoughts are part of our biology and while you may not be able to stop them from happening, you can learn to stop them in their tracks. Some solutions help you deal with them.

1. STATE THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO

We have heard so much about simply changing our mindset about stress and worry, but I’d like to offer what I believe to be a better alternative. What if we shift the context to deal with the fear, or worry in another way. It’s a new term I learned last month – recontextualization, which is the skill of describing a condition and circumstances in a way that gives you an empowering reality.

Worry often occurs when we are trying something new, and the stakes feel really big. As a result, this worry we feel is founded in the fear of running the show. And the way to get back to positivity and away from negative emotions is through extreme negativity– yikes!

Many, maybe most of us have been taught about the modern positivity movement, including me. I’ve discovered that positivity alone is not sustainable. Instead, we can implement an aspect of realism and deal with things logically and sensibly. The process is super-simple and wildly empowering to your soul.

Matthew Ferry, the author of Quiet Mind, Epic Life, gives a name to the negative voice in your head, your “drunk monkey” mind. “It thinks it’s psychic and can predict the future,” he explains. “Turns out, the drunk monkey only predicts negative futures.”

So, we need to confront this so-called drunk monkey. But how? Well, thanks for asking. Start by writing out the negative future you’re afraid of. Then create a plan of what to do if worst happens. Most folks write out the worried about situation and then make a plan to avoid it. But this only keeps the worry in place. Instead, be completely negative and make a plan for the worst. Don’t give up on me just yet! By doing this, You’ll create a neutral perspective and a sense of peace. If the worst happens, you’ll know what do. This takes the drunk monkey out of consideration and opens your mental state for less worry. BOOM!

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”

Proverbs 12:25

2. PRAY OUTLOUD

No, I’m not kidding! I’m a pastor for goodness sake. I have seen prayer work thousands of times. I’ve seen it work physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve seen storms calmed, people healed, and children return home. I’ve seen marriages restored and relationships recovered. Yes, PRAY!

But here is the key. Pray and pray more. As the Bible teaches, “pray without ceasing.” pray specifically and pray with faith. The Divine promises to hear you, and He will respond in such a way that is for your good and His glory.

But please remember this. The Divine does not keep time as we do. He is not motivated by the same clock that we are. There is a reason that His ways are higher than ours. But you can trust Him in all ways, on all days. Pray, then pray some more.

But you might ask, “why should I pray out loud?” Here are two great reasons to pray out loud.

1. External declarations can change your internal dialogue. When we pray for things out loud, we change our inner dialogue and perspective. Praying things like, “Jesus, I know that You are enough” or “God, I know that You are greater than my grief” will build your faith and help change how you view things. I know this is true in my life.

2. Keeps you focused. Jesus reminds us, “Our spirit might be willing, but our flesh is weak.” If you’re prone to wandering during prayer, like me, praying out loud will help you remain focused. You’re more likely to stay in your zone with God through prayer when your brain listens to what your mouth is saying.

Then, ask others to pray for you. I genuinely feel like the simple act of humility of asking people to pray for you is one step in the right direction, no matter the scenario. PRAY!

3. Practice Gratitude and Generosity

Gratitude is something that we should practice daily, worry or no worry. Gratitude makes us aware of all the good things in our lives that we usually take for granted. I’ve written and said this at least 1,000 times – here’s to 1,001 – When you are grateful for what you have, what you have is more than enough!

Worry can make you feel sad. Things may seem amiss. How can you practice gratitude when you’re upset with everything that’s going on in your life? When you stop focusing on the things that are haywire and start looking at the little things that make your life worth living, you slowly experience a shift in attitude. Your general outlook towards life changes, making you a happier human. This happiness, in turn, helps relieve worry and eventually improves your overall mental health.

If you’re suffering from worry, you’re not alone. Worry and anxiety affect more than 18% of the United States population yearly. When you are fretful, it isn’t easy to find things you are thankful for. But trust me, they’re there.

Study after study has proven that gratitude increases neural modulation in the brain, in the prefrontal cortex, which regulates negative emotions. It also activates dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for making you feel good. The result is instant happiness, prompting you to engage in this practice repeatedly. Get grateful – get less worried.

By acknowledging that there are things in your life to be grateful for, you realize that your worries are irrational, and don’t deserve so much of your attention. This will ease worry and allow you to do the things you had been holding yourself back from doing. It seems like it’s worth a shot, right – dealing with worry and becoming a better human at the same time?

I’m convinced that if you write down three things you are grateful for every day, you will chase worry away!

Then activate generosity. Generosity is the natural response to gratitude. It might be time, money, service, or kindness. It might be a better attitude or offering a benefit of the doubt. Generosity can take on many different forms.

It sounds so simple. And it is, really. Generosity is good for our souls. It’s good for our mental, spiritual and physical health. According to an article in Medical News Today, “Humans thrive off social connections and benefit when they act in the service of others’ well-being.” Studying the brain, they discovered a direct correlation to targeted giving that impacts health. The study shows how the brain creates a neural pathway between the septal area and amygdala when support-giving to specific people we know who are in need. The article concluded: “Giving targeted support to an identifiable individual or organization in need is uniquely associated with reduced amygdala activity thereby may lead to health.” In short, when we give time or money to charitable causes, it activates regions of the brain connected to pleasure and trust, which creates that “less-worried” feeling.

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”

—John Holmes

There will always be less worry in living more like Jesus the Christ. Jesus said in Luke 6:38 “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full-pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

There, now go work on that worry and turn your life into a grateful, prayerful, servant-hearted leader. That’s the life your Creator made to live.

Go in Peace, Chuck

A BETTER WAY TO THINK

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Chuck Allen – July 12, 2022

If you are like me, most of the world Is driving you bat-crazy right now. Wars, shootings, inflation, politics, and the hits just keep on coming! If we aren’t careful, we will find ourselves balled up In a fetal position, cowering under the weight of anxiety, worry, and depression. I’d like to offer a bit of assistance, If I may?

In my counseling and coaching of people from all walks of life, I have narrowed down the basic challenges to three big, and I emphasize BIG buckets.

  1. EXPECTATIONS
  2. CONTROL
  3. BINARY THOUGHT

There are hundreds of other buckets. I’m sure, but these three seem to rise to the surface – regularly. Let’s take a look at each of them with a healthy dose of common sense.

  1. EXPECTATIONS

    No doubt, we all have expectations, not only about ourselves but of others as well. The great challenge is how we manage those expectations. If your expectation Is that you are always going to make a good decision, you are setting yourself up for a huge sense of failure. I read the other day that, on average, we humans (adults) are batting about like Major League Baseball players – .300. That means that, again, on average, we are making a poor decision two-thirds of the time. Holy Cow! But don’t be too hard on yourself. That’s a Major League All-Star stat! We might need to reset expectations on ourselves and extend a bit of grace when It comes to our decisions. We are fallible people living in a fallen world. That simply means that we are and do make mistakes – regularly. The key here is that It is true for all of us. We just find It easier to point out when other people show themselves to be fallible. OUCH!

    The cure? Don’t expect less, simply receive and extend more grace. Recognize that you are not and never will be perfect. That nobody else Is, either, and that the world Is challenging enough without striving for the Impossible. Go ahead and Improve your decision batting average a bit, but recognize your “Mendoza line.” When we see through the lens that allows effort to result in some failure, we can see past failure and look into the eyes of success. It’s all about expectations.
  2. CONTROL

    Holy Cow! This one is my kryptonite! I love the thought that I can control my life and the circumstances around It. But It ends there. It’s a thought, not a reality! The vast majority of our reality Is not within our control, but 100% of how we respond to It is under our total control!

    If we spend the bulk of our time fretting over what Is outside of our control, we will definitely become part of the problem and offer no solution. We will find ourselves with significantly limiting beliefs that force us Into anxiety, unhealthy attitudes, behaviors, and in many cases, depression.

    Here Is a case In point – You cannot control the Russian attack on Ukraine. To spend your energy worrying about it does nothing good for the people affected or yourself. So, drop the limiting belief that you can do everything or nothing, engage in prayer, and/or provide relief through the many ways that you can do so. Here’s another one – You cannot change the price of gas, but you can manage when, where, and how you travel. Inconvenient, sure! Ridiculous, yes! Within your power to correct – NO! But how you respond to it is the Issue! Friends, much of this life Is not within our control, but let us be people that can understand our attitude toward all of life’s challenges is the bigger Issue!
  3. BINARY THOUGHT

    Binary thinking, also known as dichotomous thinking, happens when even complex concepts, ideas, and problems are overly simplified into being one side or another. The gray area in the middle is ignored or goes unnoticed. Binary thinking helps us feel a sense of certainty. Certainty is as silly as control, in most cases. But we love certainty. It makes us feel right, correct, and certain! Many of us are dying a slow death from certainty.

    In our world, we find that binary thoughts are pervasive at every level. You have to be against something if you are for something. But can’t there be other alternative thoughts, actions, attitudes, and resolutions than just this or that? Apparently not! It seems as though we are Incapable of being culturally moderate, even liberal, and remain fiscally conservative, and yet I know plenty of friends who feel that way. It seems that you cannot simply believe in other solutions If the masses believe in “their way.” Come on man! Sorry – I couldn’t help myself.

    It seems that we have forgotten that much of this life, we will never understand. Isn’t that okay? Do we have to feel certain to live at peace? This belief that we must have to pick sides in every part of life Is non-sensical!

    I can be a Republican or Democrat without endorsing every part of the party platform. I can be a Christian and disagree with other Christians. I can choose to be gracious and forgiving when what seems to be an entire world, tells me otherwise! Friends, you are not black, white, or brown. You are people, made in the image of your Creator. You do not have to be certain, controlling, or relegated to simple-minded this or that thought patterns. We must stop acting like the algorithms used on social media and shopping sites. Stop seeking advice and weaponized thoughts from everyone that simply agrees with you. Think and discover your own convictions and grey areas. Drop the belief that everything must be this way or that way, embrace the middle ground, and see how much more peaceful your life Is!

The world is a complex place, filled with complex challenges and people. Don’t make it more challenging by buying the lie that your expectations, control, and binary thoughts have to decide your peace and freedom. Move beyond these limiting beliefs and experience a bit of grace, mercy, and wellness.

Go In Peace, Chuck

Happy People Don’t Do These 4 Things

by

AChuckAllen

It seems odd to suggest that in this world, you can accelerate happiness in your life. But you actually can create a sense of peace and genuine happiness within your soul if you so desire. If that’s the case, then why are so many people unhappy?

In a recent article from Discovery Magazine, I read the following; “The richest countries are not happiest, the healthiest countries are not always the happiest. The happiest countries are the ones who do have the highest levels of a whole range of things,” says John Helliwell, an editor of The World Happiness Report and professor emeritus of the Vancouver School of Economics. “They include, especially, a willingness to trust each other to work for each other and to come together in times of difficulty.”

From that and our everyday life experiences, we know this to be true. I’ve heard from countless people that “money can’t buy happiness.” Or my favorite, “stuff can only make you temporarily happy.”

I’ve written plenty of things you can do to increase your happiness, but here are four things that genuinely happy people DON’T DO.

  1. Genuinely Happy People Don’t Compare Themselves to Others. Eckhart Tolle once said, “Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love — you have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.” Staying in comparison mode will rob you of the lovely soul that the Divine created to be you. God made no mistake when you were created. Every molecule that helps make you the incredible, fantastic you are unique, and wonderful has a purpose that only you can deliver into this world. To compare your awesomeness is a discredit to both you and God. You know what you’re worth, right? Happy folks do because they don’t seek validation outside of themselves. Happy people understand that it comes from a sense of self-awareness — in their way.
  2. Genuinely Happy People Aren’t Selfish, They Serve Others. Every study on the planet proves this to be true. Give a bit of your time, your skill, your kindness, and yourself, and watch happiness wash into your soul. A Chinese saying goes: “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” Our passion should be the foundation for our serving others. It is not how much we give away but how much love we put into giving it. It should not be simply a matter of choosing the right thing, but also the importance of deciding what is suitable for us. God said that He loves a cheerful giver. Like all of life…it’s a matter of our hearts.
  3. Genuinely Happy People Aren’t Rigid. Every time I meet a happy person, I seem to discover this truth – they are naturally flexible. If I could add one piece of scripture to the New Testament, I’d add another Beatitude to Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. When we remain flexible, we remain less stressed and less anxious. Hence, we are happier. Staying fixed in our certainty can steal the happiness from our soul. Discover the joy and margin found in your flexibility. My addition? Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
  4. Genuinely Happy People Guard Their Yes and No. Happiness is often connected to having a margin in our calendar and schedule. When we say yes to everyone and everything, we might be fueling an addiction to please people. I’ve discovered that this addiction is as powerful as alcohol, cocaine, or nicotine. Without guarding our yes and no answers, we give away our margin, grow frustrated with others, and punish both ourselves and those we love. If you want to choose happiness, guard your yes, and no’s.

Don’t settle for temporal happiness when you were created for meaningful, purposeful, and eternal happiness. Get grounded in your faith, your family, and your community. Then stop comparing yourself to anybody, give yourself away, get flexible, and guard your yes and no.

Peace, Chuck

Three Life Skills Nobody Taught Me

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October 4, 2021, | AChuckAllen.com

You know you are getting to “that age” when you talk about what you’ve learned the hard way. Before you know it, you’ll be explaining how hard you had it as a kid, and kids these days don’t know how good they have it. Yikes! I’m not ready for that stage just yet, but I have learned three life lessons that nobody taught me or could teach me. These lessons were indeed learned in the more complicated way of experience.

  1. It’s always better to make things right, as opposed to proving you are right. Seriously, this is one of those lessons that you can teach, preach and plead. But you learn it the hard way. This one will save you a ton of heartache. To be in the right relationship with someone is far better than being correct.
  2. Arguing with a police officer is never a good idea. You say, how did you not know that? Because I am stubborn, hot-headed, and not the sharpest hook in the tackle box. If an officer in rural South Carolina stops you after midnight, it’s never a good idea to offer your honest thoughts on his quaint little town.
  3. Recognizing a Mountain from a Molehill. I’d heard all my life that you shouldn’t make a mountain out of a molehill, but nobody taught me how to differentiate between the two! Here is the key. Does weighing in, contributing to, or differing with make an immediate difference? Does my injecting more words or opinions actually provide help, encouragement, or truth to the conversation. OR? Am I simply talking more and asking everyone else to listen? I now know that many of my opinions do not add to a solution or truth, they are simply opinions. Knowing which is which helps hugely!

Go in Peace, Chuck

How’s Your MOB?

by

AChuckAllen

I’m not writing about an unruly mob. I’m referring to an acrostic for M-O-B.

  • MARGIN IN YOUR LIFE
  • OWNERSHIP OF YOUR LIFE
  • BOUNDARIES AROUND YOUR LIFE

Oh, how I wish that I had learned the value of margin in my life 30 years ago! One of the most significant elements of a peace-filled, highly successful life is margin. We all need margin. We need margin emotionally, relationally, financially, professionally, physically, and spiritually. Margin allows us to be in sync with our families, realities, bodies, and possibilities. The only person that can build an appropriate margin for you is you. You know what you need. It would be best if you slowed down long enough to determine what adjustments are required to give you a helpful margin in every facet of your life.

We all must take ownership of all things that we can control. Owning what we can control requires two huge issues. Stop convincing yourself that you are a victim and surrendering your heart to your Creator. Ownership includes claiming what you can and should do to order your life. Surrendering is allowing the Spirit of God to give you direction and correction as you live each day to the fullest.

Margin, ownership, and then boundaries. Without boundaries, we don’t own our calendars, finances, or decisions. Without borders, other people own us and our dreams. Without limitations, we surrender our potential to others. Boundaries are critical to both margin and ownership. When we do not define our boundaries, we say yes to everything. Without boundaries, we overcommit, underdeliver, and stay frustrated with our schedules and ourselves. Boundaries protect us relationally and financially. Boundaries keep our feet out of our mouths. Boundaries keep our focus in the right place.

Without MOB, we all have the power to spin out of control, make poor decisions, and destroy relationships. It’s worth a few hours of your life to invest in creating your margin, ownership, and boundaries.

Peace, Chuck

9/11 Never Stop Telling the Story

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Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?

This weekend, we Americans remember the tragic loss of life and liberty experienced on 09.11.01.

I recalled walking into the Alpharetta office building, where I worked at that time, and seeing the reports that American Airlines Flight 11 had struck the North Tower at 8:46 am.

By the time that I reached my office, just seventeen minutes later, at 9:03 am, the World Trade Center’s South Tower was hit by United Airlines Flight 175.

Given the degree of hate and division in our country, only 20 years later, I am amazed at our incredibly short memories. On September 12, 2001, we were a country unified in serving one another, caring for our neighbors, and honoring our heroes. I pray that it doesn’t take the great uprising of evil to stir our American hearts toward faith and unity…once again.

I also pray that we will REMEMBER how horrible the pain was, deep in our American souls when we saw people murdered on live television and thousands of family’s futures ripped from them as a result of pure hate.

We must tell the story of why we were attacked, how we were attacked, and the way we responded in the moments following the attack. We must remind our next generations that cannot remember, or did not experience the ache which we all felt.

Country artist, Alan Jackson asked the question, “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?” Here are the lyrics:

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Rising against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?
Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don’t know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?
Did you burst out with pride for the red, white, and blue
And the heroes who died just doing what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and ask what really matters?

Let us be a people that look at ourselves and ask, what really matters.

Peace, Chuck