Achuckallen

Instigating Better

AChuck's Top 10

The Church and Mental Health

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by AChuckAllen 04.20.2021

Like many of my readers, I grew up in an era with zero tolerance for mental illness. We threw terms around that were harmful, hurtful, and disrespectful. We didn’t do that out of some weird bias or odd bigotry, but out of pure ignorance. Today, we all have a better understanding of the significance of our mental and emotional health. But have we stepped into the arena and determined to be a part of the solution instead of saying the usual “somebody ought to do something” line? As for me, I have experienced the oddities of the pandemic, just like you have.

Now is the time to step onto the floor of the arena and determine to
make a difference, and it just might start with you!

First, let’s accept the fact that we all have some sort of anxiety, restlessness, or stress in our life. I haven’t met anyone in the past year that has been able to say that they are stress or worry-free, at least honestly. The power of our brains is astonishing. Our brains are constantly attempting to course-correct our lives, but with enough stressors and insecurities, it can send all of the wrong signals to our bodies.

Did you know that when your brain’s pre-frontal cortex exposes your amygdala, that amygdala kicks into high gear with fear that sends stress hormones coursing through your body? That starts a reaction that creates digestive challenges, rapid heart rates, muscular tingles, and inflammation. None of that sounds good. But here is the good news. You can do something about it! My friend, Julie Homrich, LPC, has been coaching me on the brain and how mental health and spiritual health go hand in hand. She is a really bright human, and I’m continually grateful for our friendship and what she is teaching me. When I came to grips with the fact that we could literally accomplish what Paul wrote in the Bible book of Romans, when he said that we “Should not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind, so that we might know the perfect will of God,” I got so captivated that I began an in-depth study to help me understand the correlation with a passage of scripture written some 2,000 years ago and the modern brain.

Romans 12:2 NLT
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

In short, I came to this conclusion: We Need Help!

To keep from remaining in fear, anxiety, and an over-stressed state of mind, we need to know how to be transformed through the renewing of our mind. Maybe you are like me. Maybe you don’t have a severe mental illness, but you are stressed out, maxed out, and occasionally anxiety-riddled. If so, even mildly so, here is a three-step approach that has been scientifically proven to assist you.

1. STOP AND SUSPEND THE PRESENT NARRATIVE. Science has proven that it can take as long as 20 minutes to metabolize the stress hormones sent to our bodies from that fear-mongering amygdala. Stop and suspend your assumptions on the motives, actions, and predetermined conclusions of the present narrative that has your stressors on high alert. Stopping long enough to evaluate before acting is an essential part of coping well and retaining healthy relationships. Stop and allow your mind to ask three questions. 1) What if I didn’t understand the narrative as it was intended? 2) What if the person sharing or group sharing the narrative is in a difficult season or just a terrible day? And 3) What if I am stressed because I am part of the narrative’s problem, and my brain is firing our guilt signals. Suspend the answer and/or action long enough for the stress hormones to clear from your body.

2. ENGAGE IN DOING GOOD. Multiple studies, including a study from Stanford University, have proven that when we take action to help or serve someone else, we are fueling our brain and our soul with dopamine that instantaneously improves our mental and emotional health. If you lead a business, the new economy screams at you that “doing good is good for business.” The new understanding of our brain screams at us doing good is good for us! I know it doesn’t seem like something beneficial to mental health, but both God and science assure us that it is indeed perfect for us!

3. START YOUR DAY WITH PRAYER MEDITATION. I know I just lost half of you, but this is the one thing I would plead with you to do. It’s so simple, and it’s been proven to strengthen our mental and emotional health for centuries. Somehow, in the American culture, we determined we didn’t need that weird meditation stuff. But prayerful meditation isn’t some weird journey with incense and mantras. It is simply quietude, plus solitude, plus mindfulness = peace. I start each day with one question. What am I grateful for, and write it down. I then enjoy about 6 minutes of prayerful meditation through a great, free app, “SOULSPACE.” It is so simple. I listen and pray in a quiet space, and it gets me centered on God’s design for my day and gives me an attitude of gratitude, confidence, and peace. Once again, like serving others, meditation has been scientifically proven to strengthen our brains to transform us into healthy people. How great is that? I am living proof that six minutes each day can radically transform your mind, heart, and soul for good. If you knew me twenty years ago, or more, you might be thinking, “who is this, and what happened to Chuck?” The answer? I’m here, and I’m in the best mental, emotional and spiritual health of my life!

Here is the key. These are simple solutions to a complex challenge. But these three simple steps have proven to make me a far better husband, father, grandfather, pastor, leader, and follower of Jesus. America is a mess, people. We might start with our own mental, emotional, and spiritual health before grumbling more about everyone else’s part of the problem.

I’m also committed to the firm belief that the church desperately needs to tackle mental and emotional health. It is one of the great American crises of the day. We, the church, have the opportunity to stop lobbing bible verse hand grenades at people in crises and offer real, tangible, God-honoring solutions. I’m in no way suggesting that scripture isn’t tangible. I am strongly stating that scripture and science are a hand in glove experience. Mental health is a practical part of Christian discipleship. As we learn to surrender our assumptions and egos to the will of God, we discover contentment. When we are contented, we can, as Paul stated, “do all things through Christ Jesus.” But surrender and contentment require a healthy state of mind and emotion.

It’s like a wheel that keeps rolling. Strive for mental and emotional health. Seek peace in that journey. Keep it sustainable, not just based on feelings. Surrender our lives and discover contented gratitude and boom! There it is, PEACE! That sounds exactly like what Jesus would invest in should He have chosen this generation to walk on the face of the planet. Oh, wait! That’s exactly what He did, as He walked across Israel some two-thousand years ago. Jesus cares about our mental and emotional health – Be more like Jesus!

Go in Peace,
Chuck

Forget New Normal – It’s a New Currency

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A NEW CURRENCY by AChuckAllen

All I hear is talk about the “new normal.” Does anybody know what that means? Seriously, if Anthony Fauci’s version of new normal is accurate, he’s the next President of the United States, and we will all be wearing masks well into 2030. I don’t know about you, but the heck with a new normal. I don’t want the old normal, and I’ll pass on what “they say” is the latest version of normal.

I stumbled on something that I thought was life-altering, earth-shaking news during the pandemic and all of the bluster surrounding it. I found a new currency and investment strategy that has paid off in a HUGE way. Before I launch out in this new and better way to a far better life than “normal, ” let me stop and say that despite the lives that we have lost and the pain inflicted by this virus, there has been some good that came out of it as well.

If you lost someone in this mess, I am so sorry. I know dear friends that are in Heaven today as a direct result of this terrible virus. I’ve had it, and it was a big deal. I had a few days that I thought I would be intubated and wondered if that trip to the hospital would be one of “those stories.” I truly underestimated COVID-19. I trust that we are headedb out of “the long dark winter.”

Last year, I began seeking every possible way that Sugar Hill Church could serve people in need. Everything in me wanted to hunker down, care for me and mine, and let everybody manage independently. I mean, that’s what selfish, self-centered people like me do. But I couldn’t get past the firm belief that the Divine was calling me to my burning bush moment. Sitting in my Chevy Colorado, enjoying a moment of solitude, I was so moved by God’s presence that I was tear-filled and awed. Why would the Creator and Sustainer of the universe give a hoot about me and what I thought about COVID-19, the pandemic, the economy, and families in need? I don’t have a huge platform, a huge church, a vast audience. I’m just Chuck.

But I know that I know God was prompting me. I mean, I know it! When God brought Moses up to the Mountain, He said, “Come up to me on the mountain and STAY HERE, and I will give you the tablets of stone…” Did you see it? God Himself said to Moses, don’t just show up, show up and be fully, completely present! Stay Here! It’s like when Jenny says to me, “If you are listening to me, I need full-faced attention.” That’s my reminder to stop the impossibility of multi-tasking and give her my full attention.

The new currency in America today isn’t showing up. That’s part of it, but anybody can show up. It’s “BEING THERE” or “STAYING THERE.”

Years ago, I had the opportunity to attend a small gathering in a tiny theatre in New York City. When I say tiny, I’m talking—about thirty seats. I was attending a marketing workshop lead by Seth Godin. Seth is one of the brightest people on the planet and a marketing genius. I was the only non-profit faith leader out of the twenty-two people that paid a considerable amount of money to hear Seth dismantle and rebuild each of their marketing plans. When it came to my turn, Seth, being a practicing Jew, said, “I don’t even know where to start with you, but let’s try.” He asked a series of poignant questions and then hit the nail with my head. He asked this question. “What would be unique in your space, in your community?” Bam! That’s the new and more significant currency. What is rare and unique in America today?

Here are FOUR unique and rare commodities that are
creating a healthy new currency and economy of scale:

Directly Serving Others. If people are hungry, feed them. If they need shelter, house them. If they need clothing, clothe them. I’ve discovered that people remember and appreciate your assistance more than any other time in my 61 years of life. Sugar Hill Church is still feeding more than 600 families each week and tutoring more than 200 children each week. The amount of support to assist families directly affected by COVID-19 has reached far more than $750,000, JUST LAST YEAR.

Directly Addressing Mental and Emotional Health. I doubt if there has ever been a time that so many Americans have carried so much anxiety or stress in their daily lives. The expectations that we place on ourselves and the expectations that we inherit are simply overwhelming. Add to that the guilt we heap on ourselves and the unmet expectations we place our souls, and you have a recipe for a far greater pandemic than COVID-19. We are working hard to build a Healthy Holistic Home Service that will assess and professionally treat men, women, couples, children, and families with real, tangible help for emotional and mental health. That is a huge undertaking, but we must recognize that we all can serve with help in the currency of BEING THERE.

Directly Offering Words of Affirmation and Encouragement. Do you know what is unique and rare in America today? KINDNESS! We have become a culture of critics. We see something that has zero impact on us but criticize it and post negatively about it non-stop! We find what is wrong with anybody and everybody that is leading. The end goal? To catch them doing something wrong. No wonder our best and brightest leaders run away from serving our land. I know firsthand how cruel people can be. I’ve heard more than my share, and most often, it comes from people that claim to be Christians. No wonder folks say, “church isn’t for me.” I have determined to be rare and unique. I want our church to be full of people that love God with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength. But I want them to be normal. Normal as in not self-righteous know-it-alls, but kind, gracious people that offer that rare currency of affirmation and encouragement.

Directly Listening, Not Thinking About What I am About to Say While Pretending to Listen. That’s a mouthful. Do you know how rare it is to find people that listen? Rare and unique enough that we pay billions of dollars to therapists to listen to us! I’m a believer in counseling and therapy, but often I think we need someone that gives a hoot and will listen to us.

These four things are rare and unique. Seth Godin would be proud of the lesson I learned that day in New York. Now, the question is, will my ego sustain the neglect that is required to act on these four currencies? If so, I do not doubt that the Divine will bless them hugely. To quote a brilliant man, David Orr, “The planet does not need more successful people. But it does need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, and storytellers. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane.”

Join me in this new and better currency of service and kindness. I’m discovering that these investments’ net gain is greater than any other commodity on the planet.

Go in Peace, Chuck

Careful Criticism

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If you went back to President Bill Clinton’s first term and continued into President George W. Bush’s terms, then-President Barak Obama’s terms and President Donald Trump’s term, you would find two commonalities. First, you would discover that at the changing of the party platforms, radical changes took place. Second, you would find that the party that lost became progressively louder in the disagreement and criticism of platforms and policies.

Please don’t hear me say that we shouldn’t disagree and even disagree with great concern. I will say, however, that we must get a few things done that require some cooperation. The country must move forward and stop spending all of our energies fighting battles among ourselves. At some point, America will experience a significant and horrible challenge that will require left and right, donkey and elephant, black and white, to rally around our most core beliefs and work together.

Following that last paragraph, I am contemplating a complete rewrite. The left is warming up their keyboards, ready to fire off a blistering assault on my alleged intelligence. The right is preparing to continue the string of recent notes of joy that have called into question my faith, my sanity, and my patriotism. But I need to move on.

I titled this article “Careful Criticism.” One of the many problems in our Capital is the full-time politicians and their assault on whoever the “other party” is. It’s a problem because we are electing and paying people to do nothing but gripe, criticize, and complain. We have full-time whiners and news pundits, but very few get-it-done leaders are remaining. You pick the side, and you’ll find whiners, critics, and gripers. At some point, we have to discover some common ground and start moving forward. If we don’t, we will whine, blame, and criticize our way into a debt we cannot pay, a fight we cannot win, or a mistake from which we cannot recover.

I get it. Blue doesn’t want to agree with pro-life Red. Red doesn’t want to agree with green-deal Blue. I am not suggesting that anyone step away from their convictions. I am suggesting that there are areas in which we must fight to discover SOME common ground and press forward toward a better union and better Republic. Again, I am in no way suggesting we lay down convictions. I am suggesting that we lay down our anger, vitriol, and incivility. I mean that we rise as the great nation that we are and elect women and men with love for this country that exceeds their love for power and television time. Come on, America! We are so much better than the childish bickering that seems to keep our airwaves filled with more lavish and unstable hate-speak. To do that, we must stop electing career politicians. We must stop supporting anger-filled pundits, even if they agree with our ideologies, and we must elect leaders filled with integrity, decency, and character. We must also elect leaders that agree with serious campaign finance reform and term limits. If we do not, the stagnation of constant criticism will be rewarded with an ever-growing civil war that will occur every four-years yet change very little. At some point, we will have to elect women and men that have courage without anger. We must accept that no one is clean enough not to have some checkered past. We could use some common sense and some people that have experienced the need for grace and correction. We really could use a few leaders that have received and learned how to extend some grace and discipline.

Whatever it takes, we must move beyond the name-calling, foolish tirades, and attention-grabbing camera bluster of so-called leaders that get nothing done but partisan criticism and positioning. Maybe you should run for an elected office. Perhaps I should run for an elected office. But then, we would be under the microscope of criticism, and maybe someone might ask the question, could we handle the heat in that oven-like kitchen?

America, we must be careful with our criticism. It seems to be at the heart of our battles. We can disagree, and we should oppose other ideations of this land. We are a Republic founded on diverse people, which had, and still has vastly diverse thought. But we are Americans, for goodness sake. Let’s act like it!

Chuck

Four Lessons I Learned from COVID-19

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First, let me freely admit that I greatly underestimated Covid-19! I thought I would be a little sickly and get over it in a few days. Boy, was I wrong? I was one of those folks that had almost every symptom you can have. I was down and out of commission for the better part of two weeks. Over the course of those two weeks, I learned four critical lessons that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Hopefully, they will benefit you, and prayerfully you won’t have to have Covid-19 to learn them.

Here are the FOUR LESSONS from COVID-19

1 You are not in charge! You may think that you are, but you are not in charge. Here are three points that make this point.
– I did everything one should do to avoid Covid, but it found me.
– Every medication and every treatment might have been helpful, but God Himself chose to determine my timetable with this wicked enemy. – The only way to health is to stop trying to power through it.

Friends, this virus is the real deal. My encouragement to you is to recognize that we shouldn’t live in fear of Covid-19, but we should honor the fact that any of us can contract this thing, and we are all potential victims. I’m not too fond of wearing a mask. I hate the politicization of wearing a mask even more. I despise the need to cancel live worship and groups, but I would never want anybody to struggle as I did with this stuff! I’ve read and listened to so many varying opinions on masks and distancing that I really am not certain of “the science we are to follow.” I am however, keenly aware that if there is any way to keep people we love as safe as possible, why not give in and ride this thing out? In other words, just wear the mask.

You are not in control. As the Stoics were fond of saying, “The single most important practice in Stoic philosophy is differentiating between what we can change and what we can’t. What we have influence over and what we do not. If we can focus on making clear what parts of our day are within our control and what parts are not, we will not only be happier; we will have a distinct advantage over other people who fail to realize they are fighting an unwinnable battle.”

2 There is a Purpose Within this Virus. For the last nine days of my fight with Covid-19, I started my day with a Gratitude Journal. Inside the journal and number one on my list each day was this statement, “Thank You for Covid-19.” No, I’m not as dumb as I look. I read more, learned more, prayed more, and grew more during Covid than I had in the previous six months. The Divine allowed my time with Covid to redeem my plans for 2021. He allowed me time to rethink almost every part of my life. I was determined to accomplish several things in 2021, but a few of those things have changed significantly! While I do not believe this virus was Heaven created, the Divine is certainly using it to accomplish much. What, I wonder, has He been teaching you? If you aren’t sure, then learn this lesson and slow the pace of your day down and listen for His still, powerful voice.

3 Solitude is Healthy! I speak for the many people that are introverts by nature, but also for people that are around people all the time. Solitude is necessary to think clearly. It is needed to meditate and pray consistently. Solitude can allow for serious planning, and most importantly, solitude will drive you to get off life’s hamster wheel and speak with your Creator and listen for Him to speak into your life. Covid-19 forced me to enjoy and now crave solitude.

4 Everybody Really is dispensable! While I continued working from home, I had people that continued the good work and the good word of Sugar Hill Church. I had friends that prayed for me, covered my bases, and did all manner of caring for me and feeding me. Thank You! I watched as my team functioned wonderfully. I saw them lead and lead well. I was blessed by how they were both concerned for me, but also how they were even more concerned about the health and ministry of our faith community. I felt missed but never required. I felt blessed and never completely essential. Jenny was amazing, as usual. She put up with my whining and griping and moody ways. The girls all checked on me, daily and my dearest friends were more concerned for me than they were for themselves when they had Covid. I discovered, and I’ll bet that you would as well; that you are not indispensable, but you are deeply loved and cared for.

There are dozens of additional lessons learned during my battle, but I’ll stop for today. Thanks to all of you that prayed for me and shared your kindness with my family!

Peace, Chuck

Go Ahead & Dance

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I can’t dance, but I convince myself that I can occasionally. Don’t you just bust out a groove thing and dance sometimes? I do! It’s usually when I am cleaning our main floor. I ask Alexa (Amazon Echo) to play some Sly and the Family Stone and just crank it up and dance to the music, dance to the music! (See what I did right there?)

And then, there are times that I lose my pastoral inhibitions and bust out in public – just watch. WAIT! Before you click on the play button below, be sure there are no children in the room. This is not pretty!

The thing about dancing is that it’s a great equalizer.  How many people do you know that don’t look silly dancing? We all do. There’s always that person or that couple that really shows off because they took classes. Come on, man! The beauty of dancing isn’t Dancing with the Stars, it’s in losing your fear and insecurities and just dancing!

Life is hectic, stress-filled and can seem overwhelming most of the time. But how we respond to life’s challenges determines how well we will handle the next challenge. We are all in one of three stages of life. We are in a mess, just getting out of a mess, or preparing for the next mess. I am convinced that most of us would truly be happier, healthier and more content if we would just let go occasionally!

I’ve spent most of my life attempting to achieve everybody else’s plan for my life. When I set my course to the true north found on the compass of the Divine, I started to dance to the music, I found peace, fulfillment, and laughter playing a much bigger role in my day to day life. I still find myself in a mess, or just coming out of a mess, but I don’t linger there. I have learned that when I “just dance”, both literally and figuratively,  I significantly shorten the seasons of struggle. When I let my soul dance, I am worshipping in a spirit of gratitude, praising in a spirit of joy, trusting with great hope, and loving without selfishness. When I dance literally, I look ridiculous, but in that moment, I’m John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

Let your soul dance today and get your groove thing on, as you sway to the rhythms of grace. Turn you hang ups and fears loose and enjoy the journey. When you do, you’ll discover that you are encouraging everyone you connect with…even if they use your dance video to get a few laughs!

Go ahead! Let your soul dance today!

–AChuck

Six Qualities of a Great Spouse

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SIX QUALITIES OF A GREAT SPOUSE by AChuckAllen

I’ve been married to 2 women over a collective 35 years. I’ve seen what death and divorce can do to a family, up close and personal. I have survived blending six daughters, six moves, five career changes, losing everything I own and bouts of depression that have literally crippled me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am not an expert on anything, but I do have an earned Ph.D. in failure at it’s highest level. 

I have five beautiful grandchildren that I desperately want to be more involved with day by day by day. At present, I am a bit of an epic failure as a granddad – I am fixing that starting today! I have six extraordinary daughters, two that are biologically mine and four that are equally mine (at least in my heart and soul). I am beyond blessed to have a loving, godly wife that tolerates all my weirdness and I am honored to serve the greatest church on the planet! I tell you all of this to say that the following six characteristics of a great spouse have a lot of life experience behind them.

So! Here are Six Qualities of an AMAZING SPOUSE:

  1. They know how to listen to you when you are hurting, and they listen to you when you are frustrated. They listen to you when life is awesome and they listen to your dreams…even when they are thinking, “Oh my gosh, that’s such a dumb idea.” They listen when you are winning or losing…they listen!
  2. They always speak positively about you to their family and their friends. When their friends are trashing their spouses in a group chat, they heap praise on their spouse with great pride. If they don’t have much to say in the positive column, they offer kind and gracious words knowing who you really are.
  3. They want to be the first one to say sorry when a spat has occurred. Not because they were wrong or right, but because they want to make things right! Friends, this is the gold standard of spouses. The desire and ability to forgive and move on to more loving moments are amazing qualities. Thanks for that, Jenny!
  4. They always encourage you, even when they are giving you painful advice. Their advice (difficult or simple)  is always founded in love, grace, and kindness. ALWAYS! They know the best way to share fears, concerns, and anxieties by ensuring their spouse that those emotions are about themselves.
  5. They always tell the truth! They never have to sweep the data from their web browser, clean off their text messages, or worry about if their spouse/kids can find them on find-a-friend. They don’t worry about it because there are no secrets other than a birthday, anniversary or Christmas present. They are willing to be held to a great degree of accountability because they are not afraid of being “caught” doing something inappropriate. The truth is shared when the news is good and when the news is bad! Tell the Truth!!! Always!!
  6. They want to convey that they value their spouse by treating them as the most valuable part of their lives (outside of the Divine). They seek ways to bless their spouse, praise their spouse. They want their spouse to be Waterford Crystal clear that they are loved more – every single day. They are passionate about their sweetheart knowing they are valued, loved and treasured.

Please do not read these and assume that I have mastered any of these. I do however desire to live these qualities out in my marriage. Frankly, Jenny makes attempting these pretty easy. You see, ten years ago, she rescues my sorry behind. Gosh, we’ve learned a lot! I sure hope these will be an encouragement to you!

–AChuck