What To Do When You Feel Betrayed: by ACHUCKAllen
We’ve all been there. Somebody does something that is out of character, or we’ve never seen that side of them before. Maybe it was intentional or created out of an angry and bitter spirit. I’ve had folks tell me that I have betrayed them and I didn’t even know that I’d done it.
I__________I____________I_____________I____________I____________I_____________I_________I
The linear scale of betrayal runs from intentional, profane hatred
to our feelings have been slightly wounded.
But what should you do when you feel betrayed? No matter where the betrayal fits on the scale. Before I offer up this unasked for advice, let me stop to say that I have experienced betrayal, and I have betrayed. I have, in no way achieved victory over this emotion, but I have learned a few things. Here you go. What to do when you feel betrayed.
- STOP! That’s right – STOP! Ask the Divine for wisdom from on high. We don’t have the capacity to understand all that is going on in the offender’s life. We don’t know what may have sparked this action or emotion. All we are certain of is how we feel. When we bring what we are feeling to the only One that truly knows our heart, we can see the offense through His eyes. I’ve discovered that most of the time, what I consider betrayal is an overreaction to a person having a difficult season and I happened to be in the way. If so, offer up forgiveness in your heart, put your big boy/girl pants on and move on.
- SPEAK IN LOVE! If you sense the need to speak directly to the offender, don’t seek revenge or anger. That only creates a deeper and more sinful attitude that can take root in your soul. Describe how you felt and their part in that. Set appropriate expectations of that conversation. Just because you felt the sting of betrayal, doesn’t mean that they had a sinister plan to create it. Offer forgiveness and move on.
- SHARE GRACE! The place where grace is most needed is in our hearts. Let grace flow over you and saturate you to the bone. We need grace when we are sinful and selfish. Once received, we know that we couldn’t earn grace, but the Divine gives it anyway. We’ve received grace so that we might share and extend grace. When we extend grace, we are embracing the way of the Divine. You never move on until grace has captivated and softened your heart.
- SETTLE THE SCORE! The single best way to retaliate is to not retaliate! When we forgive the offender in our own heart, we are trusting the Divine to settle the score when and how He chooses. I can guarantee you that you can trust Him to do that. Get out of the revenge business and get in the forgiving business. You’ll be so grateful that you did. Living a scoreboard life is a waste of a beautiful person!
Now you are ready to stop the insanity of acting out of hurt, anger, and anxiety related to your offended soul and focus on living the life that the Divine has determined to be your best life! When we allow wounded feelings to direct our actions and attitudes, we always lose the battle and the war. STOP, SPEAK, SHARE and SETTLE
–AChuck
