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4forFRIDAY with Chuck Allen

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4forFRIDAY | August 19, 2022

ONE
THIS IS A REALLY HELPFUL LIST FOR THOSE OF US THAT PROCRASTINATE

1. Set a short timer

2. Ask someone to help you

3. Get a focus buddy for accountability

4. Only do one thing at a time

5. Time block your tasks

6. Go on a short walk and think about what you’ll do when you get back

7. Ask someone else to do it (delegate)

8. Answer “why” 3 times

9. Don’t be perfect; focus on being good enough

10.Leave your phone in a different room

–Shaun Blanc

TWO
Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus: How the Jewishness of Jesus Can Transform Your Faith
FIND IT HERE 

What would it be like to journey back to the first century and sit at the feet of Rabbi Jesus as one of his Jewish disciples? How would your understanding of the gospel have been shaped by the customs, beliefs, and traditions of the Jewish culture in which you lived?

–Amazon

THREE
An Incredible Prayer of Blessing

The Blessing Of The Morning Light
The blessing of the morning light to you, may it find you even in your invisible appearances, may you be seen to have risen from some other place you know and have known in the darkness and that that carries all you need.

May you see what is hidden in you as a place of hospitality and shadowed shelter, may what is hidden in you become your gift to give: may you hold that shadow to the light and the silence of that shelter to the word of the light, may you join every previous disappearance with this new appearance, this new morning, this being seen again, new and newly alive.

–from Terry Hershey’s Sabboth Moment

FOUR
A Quote We Can All Learn From

“To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek him the greatest adventure; to find him, the greatest human achievement.”

–St. Augustine

GO IN PEACE, Chuck

CERTAINLY UNCERTAIN

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Join me and Julie Homrich, LPC for a brief chat about how our certainty of uncertainty can impact our anxiety and relationships, then grab Season 3, Episode 1
of The Positive Talk Podcast and join the conversation.

That’s an intense look!

The Positive Talk Podcast merges faith and psychology each Thursday with Chuck Allen (a pastor) and Julie Homrich (a therapist). Join the conversation HERE.

Go in Peace, Chuck

4forFRIDAY with Chuck Allen

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RECOMMENDED READS, LISTENS, LEARNINGS, AND REVIEWS FROM ACHUCKALLEN

ONE
A GREAT BOOK: How to Have That Difficult Conversation: Gaining the Skills for Honest and Meaningful Communication 
FIND IT HERE

Authors Henry Cloud and John Townsend take the principles from their award-winning and bestselling book, Boundaries, and apply them to the most common difficult situations and relationships to:
Show how healthy confrontation can improve relationships
Present the essentials of a good boundary-setting conversation
Provide tips on preparing for the conversation
Show how to tell people what you want, stop bad behavior, and deal with counterattack
Give actual examples of conversations to have with your spouse, your date, your kids, your coworker, your parents, and more!
This book is a practical handbook on positive confrontation that will help you finally have that difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding.

–Amazon

TWO
A Tasty and Unique Treat: MOCHINUT
FIND IT HERE 

This is the most unique donut joint I have ever eaten at. I have always been a sucker for a GOOD donut, but Mochinut is kind of a donut, but a hot dog, ice cream, donut kind of place. I know – weird, but you haven’t lived until you’ve had a “Hot Cheetos Hot Dog” and an “Original Mochinut” for dessert. They weren’t serving ice cream when I went, but I’ll be back. I visited the new Suwanee, GA location, and understand that an Alpharetta store is in the works!

–Chuck Allen

THREE
A Great Airport Burger – Really! Bobby’s Burger Palace
FIND IT HERE

This Burger Joint in the Atlanta Airport was amazing. A Bobby Flay burger is hard to beat. I went with the “Bacon Crunch Burger and Onion Rings. That will surely bless your day!

–Chuck Allen

FOUR
A Good Movie on Netflix: UNCHARTED
FIND IT HERE

Street-smart treasure hunter Nathan Drake and his renegade mentor Sully set out on a dangerous adventure across the globe to find Magellan’s lost gold. Starring: Tom Holland, Mark Wahlberg, Antonio Banderas

–NETFLIX

GO IN PEACE, Chuck

4 Lessons from Uvalde

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AChuckAllen | August 10, 2022

I’ve spent seven of the past fifteen days in Uvalde and DelRio, Texas. In that time, I have learned so much about the incredible people of Uvalde and America, the Beautiful. Some of what I have learned has shaken me to the core. But, on the other hand, some of what I have learned reminds me of what I most likely already knew.

Beyond the lessons learned, this I know. The evil that transpired at Robb Elementary School is a tangible, grizzly reminder that we live in a desperately broken world. That broken world needs healing, hope, and direction. Given the present, recent and hopeful candidates slated or proven, we are in dire straights.

That isn’t to say that the folks in power and those that desire to be in control are incompetent – well, maybe a bit incompetent – but instead, they have their eyes on the wrong target. The political powers that be are so consumed with the lust for power, vengeance, and fame that serving the people of America has gone awash in a sea full of bull.

I’ll keep saying it. We have plenty of competent people and leaders in these United States, but until we break this stalemate of a two-party system, we will get more of what we have tolerated over the past thirty years. Partisan bickering, name-calling, stagnation, and foolishness. All the while, evil runs rampant in this great land’s cities, towns, and countrysides.

The lessons I have learned while in Uvalde are simple. But should we apply them, with a heavy dose of common sense, America can right the ship.

LESSON ONE

Stop Pointing Fingers and choose to correct the problems. Maybe you are a finger pointer. I once was. It’s so stinking easy to waste sideways energy on blaming others. I know we should hold one another accountable, but most of us must choose to fix problems rather than blame. In Uvalde, those families and the schools, hospitals, law enforcement, and churches don’t need one more person or group fixing blame. They are hurting emotionally, mentally, physically, and exhausted from the desperate trauma thrust upon them due to evil. So if you want to help save this great land, get off the blame train and get on the serving others express line. It’s interesting how many people told me that there was very little that could be done in Uvalde. That has not been my experience at all. They have been open and forthright about their needs when I have asked educators, law enforcement, city employees, and other locals. Maybe we need to stop assuming that we know what everyone needs and start asking how we should help.
LESSON NUMBER ONE IS:
SET YOUR PRIDE AND ASSUMPTIONS DOWN AND ASK, THEN LISTEN. IT’S THAT SIMPLE.

LESSON TWO

You name the culture, and I’ll show you that we all have the same basic desires. You pick the color: Black, Brown, White, and I’ll show you our commonalities. We have far more significant similarities than we have differences. The challenge is that we seem to focus on the differences. Most of the community I’ve been serving in Uvalde are Brown folks. They are hard-working Americans with the same desires I have in my hometown. They want peace in their town. They want jobs to provide for their families. They want a fair justice system. These folks want what we all want. They want kind neighbors, honest law enforcement, caring churches, and leaders who put others first. They want safety at their kid’s schools and an opportunity to succeed. All of these things are what America has been built upon. But greed, corruption, and arrogant, self-righteous leaders on both sides of the aisle have depleted us of these most precious commodities. So pick your vote carefully, and be willing to be part of the solution.
LESSON NUMBER TWO IS:
RECOGNIZE WHAT YOU DESIRE MOST IN THIS LIFE, THEN STRIVE TO BRING THAT GOOD TO THE WORLD. EVERY SINGLE HUMAN CAN ADD TO THE GOOD OR THE EVIL. Which will it be for you?

LESSON THREE

This one is at the core of the American Dream. It doesn’t take much to help. It just takes all of us doing our part of the job. Civil service, ministry, education, business, or politics. Each day, you can choose to do at least one thing to make your part of the world better. Not your version of the world, but our version of a better world. The common good, the greater good, whatever you call it. But lay your head on the pillow each night, knowing that you have done your part of our job.
LESSON NUMBER THREE IS SIMPLE:
DO YOUR PART OF OUR JOB AND MAKE YOUR PART OF THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

LESSON FOUR

You all are already checking out on me. I seem to know this truth as I write these words. So hang in there; this is the good part. Lesson four is something tangible. Do good where it is needed. The Bible teaches that we are a blessed people; better translated, we are happy people when we act and react more like Jesus.

In Jesus’ famous Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew chapter 5, we find that He starts with the “Beatitudes.” In other words, Jesus is teaching us His attitudes – How we are to be. In verses 3-9 in Matthew 5, we read the following from “The Message.”

Matthew 5:3-9 MSG
“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you, there is more of God and his rule.”
“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.”
“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s when you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”
“You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.”
“You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.”
“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart— put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.”
“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of competing or fighting. That’s when you discover who you really are and your place in God’s family.”

When you replace the word “blessed” with “happy,” you’re getting close to understanding how to be part of the right solution, serving others, doing our part, and choosing good over evil.

Go in Peace, Chuck


This Week’s “I Might Be Wrong, But I Doubt It”

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AChuckAllen August 4, 2022

Have you ever been in the shower or riding down the road thinking, and it hit you that you might be wrong, but you doubt it? Yeah, me too. This week’s article is focused on POLITICS! But, you know the age-old story; avoid politics at the Sunday dinner table if you want to keep the peace. But, here we go. Why do we get so whacked out about politics in America these days?

POLITICS IN AMERICA

America is in an information war – with itself. Our public forums, where we Americans discuss public issues, are broken. There’s little healthy discussion – and plenty of fighting. One reason why: Persuasion is difficult, slow, and time-consuming – it doesn’t make good television or social media content – and so there aren’t a lot of good examples of it in our public discourse. As a result, we have become propagandists, not persuaders. We have chosen the path of picking a side and unfolding a shock and awe campaign of how bad the other side is, regardless of who the other side is.

The old vertical propaganda model cannot withstand the changes in communication brought on by the new participatory media – talk radio, cable, email, blogs, chats, texts, video, and social media.

Pew research says that 93% of Americans are connected to the internet and 82% of Americans are connected to social media. We now all have direct access to communicate in the public square – and, most of us engage at some level in the propaganda machine. A lot of folks use their social media connections and platforms to knowingly and unknowingly spread misinformation, disinformation, conspiracy, and partisan talking points – all forms of propaganda. We’re all propagandists now. At times, we create our own version of dissent.

The inability of Americans to allow for dissenting thoughts has become an epidemic. When we do not allow for common decency in dialogue with those we disagree with, we lose all sense of humanity and turn what could be beneficial for the country into a battle of anger, resentment, and outrage. It doesn’t take long!

Hold your convictions close to you, but be cautious that your convictions are more than preferred thoughts and outcomes. America became America out of appreciation for how our Creator made us uniquely different, and we bond around that rather than fight about why it is the case.

Be sure to leave room for your fellow American to be right, even if it is seldom the case.

Be sure to leave room for you to be wrong, even if it doesn’t happen often.

As a country built on diverse thought, we must accept that wherever diverse thought occurs, conflict is lurking around the corner. Conflict, friend, isn’t the problem.
The problem is mismanaged conflict.

Most conflict is internal. When someone thinks differently than you, they will most likely act, react and vote differently than you. That doesn’t have to make them your enemy. There is a reason that they think that way, and the way they think may have nothing to do with you – at all!

To demonize them without attempting to understand them is doing yourself disfavor! Leave room for that Republican or Democrat to share why. If they don’t know why, other than some talking puppet on an alleged news show, don’t argue; simply step away.

Everyone has the right to be wrong!

If you do find yourself in a heated exchange, be the grown-up in the room and take the heat down. Speaking truth in love is the key here. When we shower others with our worst, we rarely have an opportunity to persuade, we simply become part of the propaganda. Besides, we owe it to the world to lessen the noise and increase the collective IQ.

Step away from the keyboard when you are heated. There is no need to convince others of your lack of control. The country needs men and women of conviction, courage, and wisdom,
not more screaming and banter.

If you want to discuss politics, check your logo and ego at the door and have a clear, common, and compelling reason for what you say. Say it in a way that is helpful, thoughtful, and wise. Be willing to be corrected and be willing to accept differences, and watch how we can find a middle ground.

I might be wrong, but I doubt it.

Go in Peace, Chuck

ARE YOU OFFENDED?

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ACHUCKALLEN AUGUST 2, 2022

Somehow, someway, we have trained ourselves to be easily offended. The minute I hit send on this post, I will begin the process of offending someone about being offended. We all know that it is true, don’t we? Yet, at any given point, we must stop before sharing our true feelings due to the fret and worry over whose feelings we have just hurt. The challenge is that it doesn’t matter what the topic is. It can be baseball; people just go off if you share an opinion. Look at the “Official Atlanta Braves Fan Facebook Page.” These people are screaming at each other on FB for talking about a game! Ever found yourself at a dinner party and politics come up in the discussion? Your heart starts to race; your forehead becomes sweaty, all because you aren’t sure if you are in a field littered with landmines – and these are your friends!

We Might be Anxious

People who are easily offended might struggle with anxiety and a need to control their view and version of the universe. They are accustomed to being in control of things in their lives. As a result, they may also need to control others’ responses. This is a pretty irrational thought, but it is so true! Taking offense to a perceived insult can be a function of anxiety. It might require the other person to acknowledge and tailor their verbiage and demeanor to match the offended person’s worldview. In essence, anxious people need to see their version of the truth as the only truth, which can help mitigate their experience of anxiety. That’s one thought.

We Might be Insecure

Folks that feel insecure have often been invalidated and learned others will not respond to their needs in helpful or meaningful ways. They might not have learned how to get their needs met appropriately and respond in a passive-aggressive manner. As a result, they may find they are more easily offended than others as a way to acknowledge their pain and seek validation of their experience. I see this all the time, and sometimes I see it in the mirror.

We Might be Highly Sensitive

Some of us are merely more sensitive than others. That’s our temperament, how we are wired. It’s extremely hard to be overly sensitive and have healthy relationships, but this is a changeable quality when you recognize this is how you are. One approach when you feel harmed by someone’s remark or lack of attention is to consider: How else could I think of this action except as being meant to hurt me? You might think that someone is having a bad day, they’re actually trying to help you, or that they’re simply inept at being tactful. We really can be a thin-skinned bunch.

We Might Have Experienced a Traumatic Childhood

When we are abused or traumatized as kids, the hurtful action taken against us gets stored in our brains differently than less distressing memories because they are highly emotional and seen as a threat. It’s inevitable, and we all have some measure of trauma. My friend Julie Homrich has taught me a bit about BIG “T” trauma and LITTLE “T” trauma. Even as adults, we have sore spots that can easily get “re-triggered.” If you were left out of activities or bullied as a child, every slight in adulthood might tap into those ugly memories and make you feel as you did as a child. As a result, we can be easily offended. Having a chat with a trained counselor or therapist is so good in this case.

We Might Just Be Selfish and Certain

When we leave no room for uncertainty in our life, as in we are always right, we will be easily offended. If someone doesn’t believe as we do, they must be wrong. If someone doesn’t vote the way we do, they must be wrong. When we have other folks convey a thought, opinion, or belief that we disagree with, can we not just let it go? Is it okay that people are perceived as wrong? Is it okay if they are wrong? Is it possible that we are wrong? Now I’ve gone too far…clearly! My point is that we have to attain some sense of decency and decorum in our personal exchange of ideas and ideologies, do we not? At some point, the gateway drug to the violence we are experiencing on our streets is that we have drawn red lines around our worldview and have determined that those lines are the point of no return, and once crossed, we start pushing the verbal nuclear codes into our preferred method of social media, or worse. It is okay that people do not see the world as you do!

So, What Are We To Do?

Taking offense can be a legitimate feeling when someone is expressing an unfair or deprecating sentiment about you or a group of people with whom you identify. It’s plenty valid to get offended at racist or sexist remarks. No, you are not overly sensitive when you express your displeasure at someone’s ignorant statement about people who look like you. But, if it’s a frequent mechanism by which insecurities or unresolved and personal issues are exposed, it’s most likely a problem. Get a unbiase thought on that and see where it takes you. It was a real struggle for me, but a struggle that bettered my life by a country mile!

LEAVE ROOM FOR UNCERTAINTY

You realize that none of us know everything about everything, correct? As a result, stay coachable, teachable, and flexible. I promise you that your life will be so much easier. It isn’t easy, but to hold your certainty loosely will allow you to see why someone sees the world differently. That takes the edge off of being angered or offended. It also allows you to be teachable, even if the lesson is what not to think or do.

CREATE SPACE FOR DIVERSE THOUGHT

There is a reason that the Creator didn’t make everyone the same way that you were created. Remember in the Bible, where Isaiah said, “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts?” Me too. He created us in such a beautifully diverse way that we are formed to be better together. Diversity is essential to better living and better thinking. But the truth is that where diversity exists, so also exists conflict. I realize that we have a melting pot of cultures and diversity here in the Land of the Free and that diversity asks something from us. It asks us to see that God made no mistake when He created the wonderful you – AND – the wonderful people that aren’t like you. The world is inhabited by far more people unlike you than like you. Heaven is going to be filled with folks unlike you. But the one central point here is that they were not created in error any more than you were. Learn to embrace diverse thoughts, cultures, and people. You will be so much happier when you do.

LET IT GO

I learned a phrase several years ago that may seem foolish to you, but it has been life-giving to me. When someone says something that seems offensive or even odd, I simply reply with, “how ’bout that?” It allows me to make a statement and keeps me from jumping into the deep water of offense or outrage. Just simply, “how ’bout that?” Idina Menzel was right when she sang, Let it Go in the Disney film, Frozen – LET IT GO! You really don’t have to respond. When we do, it typically makes us feel worse, not the other way around. Choosing to be offended by everything will literally eat you up from the inside, like drinking poison intended for the other party. LET IT GO and see how much happier you become.

More often than not, taking on an offense is a choice. Be very careful how much offense you choose to take into your soul. Like a three-pack-a-day habit, it’ll slowly but surely kill you.

Go in Peace, Chuck