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Looking for in a Grace-Based Therapist

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by Julie Homrich, LPC

So you’re a follower of Jesus and you’re looking for a therapist.  You want someone who can both understand the source of your healing (God) but also empower you and operate from a professional perspective. Here are three things to look for in your search:

1. A grace-based Christian therapist values scripture… but does not weaponize it.  The use of scripture in counseling is meant to be helpful to the client.  Unfortunately, some well-meaning counselors tend to use scripture as a way to feel helpful themselves, throwing Bible verse bandaids on deep wounds that would be better served through more expansive spiritual and psychological surgery.  This leads clients to question the power of scripture because sometimes the solution is scripture AND counseling. 

Scripture is a very important piece of healing as a believer.  However, out of their own human desire to feel helpful and give answers, it can be tempting for helpers to repeatedly share scripture as a way to limit the pain instead of entering into the full, messy, sometimes unpredictable process of deep healing with the client. Ultimately, it’s important to seek the Holy Spirit in reflection to determine the right time for sharing scripture, the appropriate time to listen, and the right moment for psychological intervention.

2. Grace-based Christian therapists understand the difference between the source of healing and tools used in the process of healing. Secular counseling identifies the source of all healing as self-actualization. Grace-based counseling understands that we are co-creators in change, being prompted by the Holy Spirit and choosing to follow those leadings with the steps needed for psychological change. Secular counseling identifies an individual as body, soul, and spirit. Grace-based counseling does the same, but highlights the Holy Spirit’s power within us, redeeming and renewing our lives toward healing. However, both forms of counseling highlight that change is a choice, and faith-filled individuals must choose daily to unite their will with God’s will for their lives.

3. Grace-based Christian therapists seek to become aware of their tendency to engage in spiritual bypassing.  This is a term taught in many counseling programs, including faith-based ones. Spiritual bypassing is a “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues or psychological wounds” (John Wellwood). We all have a tendency toward spiritual bypassing because, as humans, we have an innate aversion to discomfort.  If a Christian Counselor tells you that your pain is a result of a “lack of faith” or that you just need to “pray more”, you are entering a spiritual bypassing experience.

Spiritual bypassing is, at its core, a defense mechanism, and all defense mechanisms are utilized as a way for us to keep emotional distance from pain or discomfort. The antidote to spiritual bypassing is spiritual embodiment, inviting Jesus into our pain instead of trying to explain it away without experiencing it.  In some cases, it’s hard to heal when you can’t feel, and Jesus models this for us as He entered into our human experience fully to redeem us from it.  We can invite Him into our pain, and struggling doesn’t make us any less of a Christian.  

If you’re looking for a trained professional to help you find a therapist who meets the above recommendations, take our simple, free assessment at http://www.clearpathcounseling.org. You’ll be connected to a professional who can help you determine what your counseling needs are and who is poised to meet them.

Julie

3 Proactive Steps to a Healthy Marriage

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AChuckAllen.com

In yesterday’s article, I offered 3 Pitfalls that you can willfully choose to avoid in your marriage.

In today’s article, I’d like to offer 3 Simple Steps that You Can Take to Create a Healthier Marriage.

  1. Proactively discover and deliver what your spouse appreciates and receives value from. In my wife’s case, this involves small things like, planning date nights. It includes the occassional bundle of fresh cut flowers brought home or left at home for her. It definitely involves full faced attention when she’s talking to me. How did I discover these things? Honestly, I asked, or I learned. Trust me on this one – asking is the way to go! When I talked about assumptions in yesterday’s article, this is one example of that. Go ahead and ask what they would like for you to do, become, or stop doing that would feel like a gift to them. It’s not bio-engineering. It’s a simple conversation over dinner. Once you have HEARD what your spouse describes as something they would feel like, when offered is a gift – deliver on it. Then learn the frequency with which you are to deliver. I’ll promise you that this is so easy to do and so powerful when done!
  2. Set a specific time that the two of you are going to talk about your day. This requires that we put our phones down, turn off the television, and actually talk about the highs, the lows, the good and the bad in your day. Here’s the best advice that I can give you on this effort – be completely present as you listen, not just when you are speaking! If you are a time-crunched couple, or you are “not very good at sitting still,” then have the conversation while you take a walk. The power of simply talking about your individual days is a powerful way to stay emotionally and romantically connected. By the way, this doesn’t have to be an hour long talk. Be sensitive to your sweetheart’s tolerence for chatting. Remember, this is helpful for you, but is designed to be powerfully helpful for y’all.
  3. Learn the power of praying together, out loud. I realize that I must sound like a broken record on this subject, but when Jenny and I pray together, it is such an intimate time between us. Triangulating the conversation between you, your spouse and God is supernatural. I am supremely confident that you cannot hold on to bitterness, pettiness, anger, or disappointment once you have sat in God’s lap and talked it out with Him. Again, be aware of your spouse’s tolerance level. Their spiritual maturity might be significantly lesser than yours on any given day. Be sensitive to that. I know plenty of Christians that weaponize their personal spiritual maturity against their partner. It ALWAYS BACKFIRES! Don’t fall prey to the urge to pray silently. I urge you to discover just how awesome it is to pray with your spouse – out loud and together!

I hope that you’ve been encouraged by this two-part series and will consider instigating these ideas into your marriage. I’d love to hear from you, so please give me a shout at chuck@achuckallen.com – and let me know what works in your marriage.

Peace, Chuck

If you are looking for a bit of weekly inspiration, please join in the conversation each Thursday, as Julie Homrich and I INTEGRATE FAITH & PSYCHOLOGY on the POSITIVE TALK PODCAST.

3 Avoidable Marriage Pitfalls

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AChuckAllen.com

I’ve heard it said that “marriage isn’t easy.” However, I’ve also heard that a marriage that survives and thrives takes work. While I agree with both of those statements, marriage shouldn’t be too hard and require that much work. After all, we loved our spouse enough to say I do without ever thinking that we might say I don’t.

After countless couples that have sought my counsel on marriage and having been married for a collective 40 years, I’ve learned some basics. This is part one of a two-part article on marriage and the simple steps to avoid and the simple steps to include in your relationship.

Here are three avoidable mistakes that might become pitfalls in your marriage. I pray that they are helpful.

  1. Assumptions – Assumptions will literally kill your marriage. The most assumed assumption? “They should know what I need.” My next on the wicked list of assumptions is that “they should know what I think.” If you can recall the television show, “Home Improvement” you’ll remember that in each episode, Jill tells Tim something and he totally messes the intent up. Time winds up in the backyard with Wilson, and Wilson serves as his marriage counselor. Tim then has a light bulb moment and he and Jill get things back together. In real life, it’s never that short or that simpe to fix. Please avoid assuming that your spouse knows what you need, or what you think. Have a discussion about needs, wants, hopes, and aspiriations. Assumptions will create a train wreck in your hopes and dreams. Never assume that your spouse, no matter how close you are, or how well they can complete your sentences knows your needs, hopes, feelings, or values. Love them enough to let them into your world. After all, you are now “one flesh.”
  2. Untruths – Spoken or Unspoken – I hear this one all the time and I’ve lived this in my own life. Maybe you are witholding a simple little truth in hopes that you are “protecting your spouse.” That’s just a lie that you are justifying because you don’t want to deal with it. Yes, your spouse might be angry with you. Yes, you most likely will argue about it. But here’s the real deal. You will deal with it. For better or worse. Richer or poorer. Til death. Untruths will create a deep divide that can crater a marriage faster than anything I have seen. If it’s big – tell the truth. If it’s small – tell the truth. I promise you that this is one of those pitfalls that will bite you and leave a mark. It’s not complicated. Tell the truth. All of the truth!
  3. Tech Secrets – I can’t count the number of marriages that have entered my office for counsel and when we got to the central theme of the issues, spouse A discovered something on spouse B’s phone, tablet, or computer. Sometimes it’s obvious, like porn or an inappropriate text conversation with another person. Sometimes it’s thoughts about in-laws or children, or blended family talk outside of the home. Here’s a good rule of thumb; If you cannot hand your phone to your spouse without hiding something, password protecting something, or turning off your locations, you might have a serious problem. If you cannot leave your phone sitting on the bedside table while you shower or walk the dog, you might have a problem. If you have to double check to make sure that your spouse might see something when they ask to use your phone, you definitely have a problem. The answer isn’t to have secret apps, or secret, seperate phones. The answer is don’t do stupid stuff on your devices. Keep you technology zippers zipped and your social media status buttons buttoned.

As I said, it’s pretty simple. Avoid these three pitfalls, and you’ll save yourself a world of hurt feelings, arguments, misunderstandings, and relational fatigue. I’ll be back tomorrow with “Three simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage.”

Peace, Chuck

Looking for help? Go to ClearPathCounseling.org and spend
less than ten minutes completing your free assessment.

Integrating Faith and Psychology through Prayerful Meditation

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with Pastor Chuck Allen and Julie Homrich, MS, LPC

I trust that you will enjoy this podcast from Positive Talk Podcast.

Have you ever been stuck and you don’t know what to do next? Take a few minutes to listen in to this week’s podcast to determine your next best steps. Enjoy!

positivetalkpodcast.com
Peaceful – Prayerful Meditation with Julie Homrich, MS, LPC & Pastor Chuck Allen

9/11 Never Stop Telling the Story

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Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?

This weekend, we Americans remember the tragic loss of life and liberty experienced on 09.11.01.

I recalled walking into the Alpharetta office building, where I worked at that time, and seeing the reports that American Airlines Flight 11 had struck the North Tower at 8:46 am.

By the time that I reached my office, just seventeen minutes later, at 9:03 am, the World Trade Center’s South Tower was hit by United Airlines Flight 175.

Given the degree of hate and division in our country, only 20 years later, I am amazed at our incredibly short memories. On September 12, 2001, we were a country unified in serving one another, caring for our neighbors, and honoring our heroes. I pray that it doesn’t take the great uprising of evil to stir our American hearts toward faith and unity…once again.

I also pray that we will REMEMBER how horrible the pain was, deep in our American souls when we saw people murdered on live television and thousands of family’s futures ripped from them as a result of pure hate.

We must tell the story of why we were attacked, how we were attacked, and the way we responded in the moments following the attack. We must remind our next generations that cannot remember, or did not experience the ache which we all felt.

Country artist, Alan Jackson asked the question, “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?” Here are the lyrics:

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Rising against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?
Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don’t know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?
Did you burst out with pride for the red, white, and blue
And the heroes who died just doing what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and ask what really matters?

Let us be a people that look at ourselves and ask, what really matters.

Peace, Chuck

4forFRIDAY with Chuck Allen

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September 10, 2021 by AChuckAllen

READ, LISTENS, LEARNING & REVIEWS

Here is Your 4forFRIDAY for September 10, 2021

I love to share good reads, learnings, listens, and reviews with friends and followers. So, thanks for joining me on my 4forFRIDAY BLOG. Each week, the 4forFRIDAYoffers recommended Reads, Listens, Learnings,
and Reviews, for your enjoyment.

A Great Novel: Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

When my wife, Jenny suggested that I read this book, I thought “nope, no way.” This is not my typical read, but it is so funny, quirky, and easy that I found it complex, simple, funny, sad and any other paradox that you can come up with. An instant number-one New York Times bestseller, the new novel from the author of A Man Called Ove is a “quirky, big-hearted novel…. Wry, wise and often laugh-out-loud funny, it’s a wholly original story that delivers pure pleasure” (People).

A Sandwich Snack that is So Stinking Good: Sandwich Bros Chicken Melts Flatbread Pocket Sandwiched

We purchased these as we went out of town for Labor Day and loved them. Just one quick minute in the microwave and your family will be digging these great snacks!

An Awesome List of 100 Simple Truths

Simplicity is a gift. Not everybody can speak or write simply enough for all to understand. When I read through this simple list of 100 simple truths, I was amazed at how many of them sparked something within me.

A TravelZoo Article that I Cannot Wait to Experience

I cannot think of a more fun trip than eating my way through the state of Alabama. This Travelzoo article will be a fun resource if you, like me, enjoy travel and southern food!

A Powerful Quote from Nick Wignall

“Whatever caused your low self-esteem in the past, it’s your present habits that are maintaining it.“

The Weekday Podcast is a 5 minutes/day, 5 days/week Cup of Encouragement, straight from the Scriptures.
New episodes are available Monday – Friday. WeekdayPodcast.com

 THE POSITIVE TALK PODCAST – Integrating Faith and Psychology with Julie Homrich and Chuck Allen – A Weekly Dose of Positivity, Encouragement, and Enlightenment. I think you’ll love this new format!

Go in Peace, Chuck